My Incoherent Ramblings

I GOT IN!

2009-07-05T22:44:00.004-04:00

So obviously I should stop saying, I'll do this more often, since it's been months since my last post. A lot has happened since then. Most importantly I graduated in May, and about an hour ago I received an email from the one and only graduate program I have applied to, telling me that I have been accepted! Needless to say, I'm totally thrilled! And my first class will be starting in exactly 3 weeks.

It's been a rather rough week, in the middle of a rather rough summer, so that bit of good news was really needed. I hadn't anticipated having so much trouble finding work for the summer. With my past work experience at both TW Ponessa and PCS I expected one of those two places to find room for me in their company. I've applied at pretty much all mental health providers in Lancaster, Lebanon, York, and Dauphin Counties, and I've gotten plenty of job offers for starting in the fall, I just can't find anything for the summer. So I'm still working as a nanny, which has been slightly depressing.

Even more depressing was what I have been involved with this past week. As most of you know, I few years ago my maternal grandmother suffered a very severe stroke that robbed her of her speech, and left her completely paralyzed on one side of her body. There also seems to be a lot of damage done to her cognitively, and she is confined to a nursing home. This week my grandfather, with the help of my mother, my aunt, and some help from me, has begun sorting through all of her belongings deciding on what he is selling, and what he is simply going to dispose of. Slowly my grandmother's house is losing all traces of her existence, which is very sad. This week in particular we've been focusing on the quilts she had made before the stroke. Since the tradition was that she'd make a quilt for her grandchildren when they got married, my grandfather is having all his unmarried grandchildren come over to the house on Wednesday to pick out a quilt. I've actually picked mine out already since i was helping to sort through them. The ones that aren't chosen are all being sold either to my grandmother's former customers, or they will be taken to auction, which breaks my heart.

I ought to post something of substance

2009-02-21T15:12:00.002-05:00

So I'm headed into the 4th week of the spring semester of my Senior year. How very exciting. As of today I've only got 84 days left until graduation. It's kind of scary really, because as I sit here thinking about it, I realize that I am not all that sure that Messiah College has really prepared me for the real world. The program stresses the integration of faith and psychology, and in order to make room for that, other important aspects of our education have been neglected. Nowhere are we taught how to go about finding an actual job. We learn nothing about writing up resumes, writting cover letters, how to do a successful job search, or how to do a good interview. We are taught all the ways that our faith can make us good psychologists and to always but the Bible before the DSM. In fact I can think of at least 8 classes I've taken where a good portion of the course was spent discussing integration. Of course I realize that learning to integrate theology and psychology is important, however that knowledge does us no good if we find ourselves unable to find jobs. The only time any of practical knowledge for getting a job has been brought up was when I did my internship and we had to write up resumes at the begining and the end of the experiance to show what we had learned. That class was helpful with learning to write up your resume correctly, but they never touched cover letters. Also, internships, even though they provide you with valuable experiance, aren't required at all. Which just seems wrong. And even with the internship, I didn't learn nearly as much there as I had hoped. My real life work experiance at PCS was much more valuable. I've taken some time to visit the career center and get some tips there, but I still feel totally unprepared.

Messiah College Department of Psychology please take note that some adjustments to your program could use a little adjusting. I paid an awful lot to attend this school, and I really expected a bit more from you all.

No Clue Why I'm Doing This

2009-02-20T22:34:00.002-05:00

Here are the rules: Google the following phrases and write in the first answer that comes up!

1. Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search.
“Jennifer needs a smack daddy" WTF? I'm not entirely sure what a smack daddy is, but I definately don't need one.

2. Type in "[your name] looks like" in the Google search.
“Jennifer looks like a woman and her breasts are real." I'm actually laughing out loud over that one. Thankfully it's true.

3. Type in "[your name] hates" in the Google search.
"Jennifer Hates the Homeless" Someone is giving Jennifer's a bad name.

4. Type in "[your name] goes" in the Google search.
“Jennifer goes in this hottube in her orange dress...” Umm... ok

5. Type in "[your name] loves" in the Google search.
“Jennifer loves restraining orders” alright

6. Type in "[your name] eats" in the Google search.
“Jennifer eats 3/5 of the 25 buscuits. How many does she eat?” The answer is 15.

7. Type in "[your name] works" in the Google search.
"Jennifer works with kids and animals" This is true, about the kids anyhow, though some days they resemble animals more than children.

8. Type in "[your name] lives" in the Google search.
“Jennifer lives as part of a four-person Polyamory, or group marriage" Poor Jennifer

9. Type in "[your name] died" in the Google search.
“Jennifer died of a condition known as "water intoxication", which is caused when vast amounts of liquids are taken into the body and results in a fatal electrolyte imbalance in the brain." Fun stuff there.

10. Type in "[your name] will" in the Google search.
"Jennifer will play a lesbian who is the editor of Courtney's rival publication. Since it was announced that the two would share a kiss, it's all anyone can ..." Alrighty then.

A Jen By Anyother Name Would Smell As Sweet

2009-02-20T22:22:00.002-05:00

YOUR REAL NAME:
Jennifer Noelle Martin

WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother and father’s middle names)
Eileen Eugene

NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother's dad and father's dad)
George Melvin

STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)
Marje

DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color and favorite animal)
Green Puffin

SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, first street you ever lived on)
Noelle 5th Ave. (that totally didn't work)

SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color and favorite drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The Purple Green Tea

FLY GIRL/GUY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Jein

HOOD NAME: (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Chocolate Honey Chippers

YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of last name, add izzle to the end)
Marizzle

YOUR GOTH NAME:( black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Sparky

ROCK STAR NAME: (current pet's name, current street name)
Sparky Windy Mansion

YOUR HIPPIE NAME: (what you ate for breakfast plus favorite tree)
Granola Magnolia

YOUR CRIMINAL NAME: (name of your favorite perfume/cologne, favorite candy bar)
Honeysuckle KitKat

YOUR CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit plus garment you’re wearing, with an “ie” or “y” added)
Strawberry Sweater

YOUR SPY NAME (favorite season/ favorite flower)
Autumn Tulip

I Should Just Stay Away From Jessica's Blog

2009-01-25T18:28:00.002-05:00

- Why are you single?
Because my last boyfriend cheated on me.

- Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
Because I really liked him.

- Can you sleep without blankets covering you?
No, I feel all vulnerable and cold, even if it is warm out.

- What's the first thing you did when you woke up this morning?
Said good morning to Harvey and Rowan than got my morning coffee

- How many piercings have you had?
4 on my ears

- How many windows are open on your computer?
Eight... way too many.

- Do you like to cuddle?
Yes I love it.

- Last movie you watched?
The Other Boelyn Girl

- Would you take your last ex back?
No way in Hell.

- Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Yes

- Will you be in a relationship 2 months from now?
Possibly

- Has anyone ever told you that you're beautiful?
Yes

- Would you ever color your hair brown?
That's its natural color

- Would you rather have chicken or steak?
Chicken

- What were you doing at 10am?
Eating breakfast and doing my laundry

- Are you different now than you were six months ago?
Yeah, a lot has happened in those six months.

- When was the last time you saw your dad?
About 3 weeks ago.

- What's the worst abuse you have done to your phone?
Dropped it down a flight of stairs.

- Where did you get your favorite pair of sunglasses?
The one and only pair I have came from the New York & Co. at the King of Prussia mall during a spontaneous shopping trip Jessica and I went on when one of our Respite sessions got cancled... good times.

- What is your current relationship status?
Single... didn't we cover this already?

- Do you use the internet daily?
Yes

- Could you imagine your life without your best friend?
I don't get to see them often, but life would be oh so sad without them.

- Do you like change?
Usually though it depends on what happens to be changing.

- Do you like the rain?
I love it. I like to curl up by a window and read when it rains.

- What is the last restaurant you were in?
Bob Evans

- Are you easily angered?
No, it takes a lot to get me upset.

- Do you watch the daily news?
No.

- Would you rather go out on the town or to a party?
I definately prefer to go out on the town. Parties normally aren't my thing.

- How many kids do you want?
One or two, probably two.

- Do you believe that a person can always change?
I believe that they can, but they need to have the right motivation to do it.

- Does a person's past really make a difference in dating them?
A bit. It depends on what exactly their past includes. I generally don't hold a person's past against them, but it might me a bit more wary of certain things.

- What is the hardest thing in life to do?
Seeing a person that i love suffer, and not being able to help them.

- Could you ever live far from your family?
If I had a good job and could afford to visit regularly.

- Why did you last cry?
Around Christmas time due to family drama

- What would you take from your house if you knew it would flood tomorrow?
My scrapbooks, all my pictures, my jewelry (most of it has sentimental value), Sparky,
the teddybear my grandmother made for me, the quilt that my other grandmother made for me.

- If you could erase anything you ever said to anyone, what would it be?
Nothing

- Something you wish to do before the end of the year?
Well it's the beginning of the new year right now...so there are so many things I could list for 09. I guess I could try to hit one of the 11 states I haven't been to yet. And I would like to go to NYC and see a Broadway Musical. Hear that Jessica?

- Which is worse, 15 pounds underweight or overweight?
Underweight...if you're already thin, 15 pounds under is a lot

- Do you find it gross to share drinks with family or friends?
No, as long as no one has been ill lately.

- What kind of animal do you think the world could live without?
I have no idea. I think that they are all important somehow.

- Would you prefer to be emotionless, so you didn't have to feel a heart break?
Nope. If you can't experiance suffering, you can't experiance joy. Besides, it's during the times that you suffer that you learn the most (Thank you Little Miss Sunshine)

- Do you often make the same mistake twice?
Not often.

- Are you an organ donor?
I am

- Do you walk around the house naked?
No. There are way too many windows in my house.

- Do you sleep on the right or left side of the bed?
I normally sleep right in the middle.

- Do you have any altered parts of your body?
No, unless my teeth count after all those years of wearing braces.

- What is the last TV show you watched?
The Golden Girls, because I am a nerd.

Surveys Stolen from the Lovely Miss Jessica

2009-01-25T18:06:00.003-05:00

GUILTY or INNOCENT?

Singing in the shower?: GUILTY
Left the stove on?: INNOCENT I'm much too paranoid to do that.
Ate Stale food?: GUILTY
Spit in someone’s drink?: INNOCENT shocking with all my years working in food service
Stole something from a friend?: INNOCENT
Played with Barbies?: GUILTY
Kissed your posters of your favorite stars?: INNOCENT
Listened to stupid music and said you like it?: GUILTY
Made someone cry?: GUILTY
Opened your Christmas presents early? GUILTY
Found money, and didn’t turn it in?: GUILTY
Gave money to a homeless person?: INNOCENT
Thought “Star Wars” was cool?: INNOCENT I haven't seen them yet
Had a super-hero costume?: INNOCENT
Lied to protect a friend?: GUILTY
Broken a bone?: INNOCENT
Seen “The Goonies” more than 10 times?: GUILTY
Played a computer game for more than 5 hours?: GUILTY
Dyed your hair a color from the rainbow?: INNOCENT
Hugged your mom in the past 24 hours?: INNOCENT

HAVE YOU EVER...
Ran through the sprinklers?: Yes
Ran through the sprinklers naked?: No
Went outside naked?: No
Flashed somebody?: No
Mooned somebody?: No
Been on stage?: Yes
been on stage naked or close to it?: No
Been in a parade?: Yes
Been in a school play?: Yes
Drank beer?: Yes
Went to work/school with a hangover?: No
Gotten detention?: Yes
Gotten expelled?: No
Been on a plane?: Yes
Been on a cruise?: No
Traveled out of the country?: Yes
Liked somebody you could never have?: Yes
Liked a friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend?: No
Cheated on a test?: Yes
Broken into a house?: Yes... But it was my own house.
Stolen from your own family?: No
Flipped somebody off?: Yes
Ate spoiled food by accident?: Yes
Ate spoiled food on purpose?: No
Ate food you dropped on the floor?: Yes
Laughed at a funeral?: Yes
Watched somebody’s death?: No
Killed somebody?: No
Gotten a tattoo?: No
Gotten piercings?: Yes
Fired a gun?: No
Gotten into a fist fight?: No
Gotten into a shouting match?: Yes
Swallowed sea/pool water?: Yes
Swallowed sea/pool water on purpose?: No
Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose?: Yes
Laughed so hard it hurt?: Yes it's actually quite common for me
Laughed so hard you peed in your pants?: No.
Seen a live birth?: No
Delivered a baby/animal?: No
Had an imaginary friend?: No
Fell down a whole flight of stairs?: Yes (thank you Messiah College Maintence Crew!)
Tripped on stairs?: Yes
Tripped on your own feet?: Yes
Cried yourself to sleep?: Yes
Cried in public?: No
Thrown up in public?: Yes
Lied to your parents?: Yes
Skipped school?: Yes
Hit an animal with your vehicle?: Yes (I swear my car is a possum magnet)
Cheated on someone?: No
Been cheated on: Yes
Been one who helped another cheat?: No
Cried so hard you threw up?: Yes
Given a wet willy to someone?: No
Gotten a wet willy?: No
Had sex? Yes
With a virgin?: No
Wore a thong?: Yes

Nevers...
( ) I’ve Never Been Drunk
( ) I’ve Never Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex
( ) I’ve Never Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
(x) I’ve Never Crashed A Friend’s Car
(x) I’ve Never Gone Past “Second Base” At A Movie Theater
(x) I’ve Never Been In A Taxi
( ) I’ve Never Been In Love
( ) I’ve Never Dumped Someone
( ) I’ve Never Been Dumped
(x) I’ve Never Shoplifted
(x) I’ve Never Been Fired
(x) I’ve Never Been In A Fist Fight
( ) I’ve Never Snuck Out Of My Parent’s House
( ) I’ve Never Been Tied Up
(x) I’ve Never Regretted Having Sex With Someone
(x) I’ve Never Been Arrested
(x) I’ve Never Had A One Night Stand
(x) I’ve Never Made Out With A Stranger
( ) I’ve Never Stolen Something From My Job
(x) I’ve Never Celebrated New Years In Time Square
( ) I’ve Never Gone On A Blind Date
( ) I’ve Never Lied To A Friend
( ) I’ve Never Had A Crush On A Teacher
(x) I’ve Never Celebrated Mardi-Gras In New Orleans
(x) I’ve Never Been To Europe
( ) I’ve Never Skipped School
(x) I’ve Never Slept With A Co-Worker
(x) I’ve Never Been Married
(x) I’ve Never Been Divorced
(x) I’ve Never Posed Nude
(x) I’ve Never Thrown Up In A Bar
( ) I’ve Never Eaten Sushi
(x) I’ve Never Been Snowboarding

Surreal Feeling

2009-01-01T14:54:00.002-05:00

Welcome 2009! The only reason I can really say that with any amount of enthusiasm is because I'll be graduating in May, so the year is bound to have a few highlights to it. So far the year is starting off on the right foot. Not that today has been at all exciting. I'm working on getting my bedroom here at home into decent shape before moving on Monday, so it's a bit of a dull day. But it's been quite pleasant too. Did you ever have a dream that was just so wonderful that it messed you up for the rest of the day, because you refused to fully wake up for fear of losing that wonderful feeling that came with it? I had one of those last night. Actually it started out as a nightmare, but then some odd things took place, and it turned itself into something very pleasant. Basically a big wish I had back in high school had finally come true, and I had everything I had thought that I wanted back then. Sadly, that's not what I want out of life anymore but I was so happy and content in the dream. I've kept myself in the drowsy semi-awake state all day today for fear that I'll forget that feeling again. I also stayed in bed for an hour after waking, hoping to drift off again and return to it. So all day, after waking my mind has been on my Junior and Senior years of High school, and different aspects of my life back in those days. To add to that odd, surreal, not fully here feeling I've got, I just had a very friendly and kind conversation with one of my ghosts from my past (infact, he came into my life around the same time that most of the things in my dream did). This is someone who I admit to hurting, intentionally, on several occasions with the assistance of Melissa. A few of you will know exactly what I'm talking about here. The rest of you, well, be happier not knowing about some of the crazy stuff I did out of boredom in high school. It's nice to know that I've been forgiven though, and that on some level, this person still has a good opinion of me, and thinks I'm great. It's all so bizarre.

By the way...

2008-12-31T23:50:00.001-05:00

I started a new blog Tales of a Nanny, to keep track of my adventures at my new job, so be sure to check it out.

Wow... 2 months with no updates

2008-12-31T23:18:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I guess I shoud correct that.

There isn't much going on in my life at the moment. I've started a new job working as a nanny/housekeeper for a very nice family near my school. The kids are, for the most part, well behaved and absolutely adorable. The job is a live-in dealio, where I'll be residing in their attic free of charge. It really is a sweet deal for me since getting rid of both my meal plan and my on-campus housing takes about $3000 off of my semester bill. I'll also have my own room and a bit more peace of mind. The job is also a lot less stressful than most jobs I've held in the past. Though, despite the amount of stress my last job involved, I still miss it terribly.

I've been home on break for about two weeks now, and I'm starting to get rather bored. I'm looking forward to the J-term class I'll be taking starting in a week. I've been working at Weavers again over break, which has it's ups and downs. I've missed all the kitchen girls, and it's been great seeing them again. However, I am having some slight issues with the new girl who seems to despise me for intruding on her territory. So yeah, today was interesting with getting the cold shoulder from that girl all day.

So yes, that's my life in a nut shell.

I know, it's all so exciting. lol

Home-Coming Weekend

2008-10-17T18:14:00.003-04:00

Well, the weekend is here. I've never actually been on campus for home coming weekend before. Not that it will be anything real exciting, I'm not into dances or watching sporting events. However, my friend Theresa will be visiting from New York, which is good because otherwise, I'd be bored to tears this weekend. With no job to work at, I've hardly got anything to do this weekend, I'm not used to having time off like this. However, I did have a really great job interveiw on Wednesday. It looks as though I might be becoming a nanny. At least I really hope it works out. The family seemed awesome, the house is gorgeous, and they'd want me to move in during the spring semester, which would be great. I'm tired of the whole college roommate dealio. And, on the subject of jobs, I haven't heard anything from PCS yet. It's been a week since Jessica and I took that administrative exam, so I really should have heard back from them by now, how long can they expect us to willingly go without work? This is doing nothing for making me look upon filing with a positive attitude.

So yeah, here starts the weekend, and i believe I'll be spending it working on my MMPI-2 paper. Do i know how to live or what? That, and I'll get some time to relax, kick back, and watch a movie or two. In some ways a break like this was needed I guess.

Who Knew?

2008-10-10T21:05:00.003-04:00

The past few weeks have been quite an experience for me.
I've learned quite a lot really. And all of it's stuff I would prefer not to know.

For one thing, boys really are just after sex in life and cannot be trusted.
I really am as naive as people think. Possibly more so.
MSN is pure garbage.
And people who work for PA Mentor have no soul.

The first three of those issues to bother me, but right now, I'm very fired up about that fourth little lesson I've learned. My beloved job was taken from me in the blink of an eye on Tuesday. I had just finished my lunch, and was sitting at a picnic table outside when I got a phone call from my supervisor informing me that PA Mentor has cut our funding for the Respite program starting the day before. Nothing like giving people some advanced warning, huh? PA Mentor didn't have the decency to give anyone any warning at all, not the agencies they fund (like Pennsylvania Counseling Services), not their employees who lost their job at a moments notice (like me and Jessica), nor was any warning provided for the clients, for my clients who count on me in order for them to actually have lives outside of their homes and away from the burden of caring for a child who needs constant 24/7 supervision. That's just flat out heartless. Roy Smith, the president of PCS, showed compassion for his employees and their clients by allowing services to continue through PCS through Sunday, giving me one last weekend to see my little guys. Of course, these services won't be funded by PA Mentor, meaning that PCS will be losing a ton of money. Giving the clients an extra week to find alternate means of child care, and giving us respite workers a week to find new employment. In fact, they are going to try to place us in other jobs if they can. Mostly administrative jobs, to keep us there until me graduate and can get jobs working with people (as opposed to filing) again.

I understand PA Mentor's reasons for temporarily stopping the Respite program. And yes, it is only temporary. However, we still don't know what type of time frame we are looking at, and most likely, I'll have graduated before it starts up again. As it stands right now, anyone who qualifies for BHRS services is eligible for Respite. However, just because a person is eligible, doesn't mean that they actually need it. In my experience it's about 50/50. Half of the cases I've had were of people abusing the system. They did not need my services and basically used me as a free and very over qualified babysitter, which was always very frustrating for me. However, in the other half of my cases, the services were needed very badly, and the family never took advantage of the arrangement, making my job totally worthwhile. This is why the program is being brought to a halt. PA Mentor wants to make the qualifications more strict, and they want to make sure that only the people who need the service, are getting it. As it is right now, funds are low, there aren't many respite workers, and there is a huge waiting list of people signed up for the service, but don't have an available worker assigned to them. If the qualifications are made more strict the funds, and the workers will be put to better use, and the waiting list won't be nearly as long. It really is a positive thing. But why couldn't they let us know what was happening a few weeks ago, instead of waiting until Tuesday?

Now for those of you who might be getting concerned, don't worry. I'm not at all concerned about finding another job. I took the administrative test for PCS this morning, and I do believe I did quite well on it. Hopefully, when I was told that the company would try to find us another position, they were being serious and not trying to blow me off. Also, I grabbed an application for the cafe I used to work at on campus and I know they'll hire me back in a heartbeat. And to make sure that I'm taken care of, I also applied to work as a nanny for a family that lives near my school. Since I have actual, formal, paid experience working with children, I have a bit of an edge with that last application. So, when I get rather down and depressed, like I am at this very moment, over losing this job, most people get a little frustrated with me. They remind me that it could be worse, and that it was "only a job" and to perk up, get another one, and get over it. This is the curse of the average college aged, working student. The majority of us get stuck in low-level, meaning-less jobs that we are over qualified for, and don't give a hoot about. For the past year, I had broken free of that curse. I had a job that challenged me, was in my field of study, paid me decently, and I actually was rather passionate about it. I loved my job and I loved my clients, even when the kids bit me or called me a "witch." I had never gotten so sick of my job that I had nightmares about it, or needed to take a "mental health day" every so often, like I have with every other job I've ever held. I was doing a job that was meaningful, and really helped the families that my clients came from. So I'm sorry, I just can't "get over it" and look forward to returning to food service, filing, or even getting paid to watch over some rich family's kids since their parents don't have the time to raise them on their own.

Survey Time!

2008-09-23T16:46:00.003-04:00

Since I haven't done a survey in a really long time, and I don't want to work on my essay, here you all are:

1) What's the full name on your birth certificate?
Jennifer Noelle Martin

2) When was the last time you were told you were beautiful?
Umm... about 20 min. ago. Dan was trying to raise my self-esteem.

3) What was the last drink you had?
Coffee

4) Is your phone within a meter radius of you?
It's in my pocket.

5) Look at your recent calls, who was your last call from?
My buddy Dom.

6) What is bothering you right now?
Nothing much. Just bored for the moment.

7) Was New Years enjoyable?
I don't even remember it so it's must not have been real exciting.

8) Who was the last person to play with your hair?
My little sister.

9) I'll bet you miss someone right now?
Unfortunatly, yes. I wish that I wouldn't though.

10) What does your last received text message say?
A Dom confirming that we'd talk last night.

11) Are you high?
Umm... no.

12) What is your favorite color?
Green

13) Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon?
I doubt it, I'm a little low on cash right now.

14) When was the last time you got a back massage?
High school

15) Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films?
Nope, only repulsed since these days most of those movies don't even have a decent story. They are just blood and gore for blood and gore's sake.

16) If you had $100 would you spend or save it?
I'd save most of it.

17) If there was a large spider in the room, would you stay?
Yes but only after it was killed.

18) Still have feelings for your last relationship?
At times.

19) Last place you went out to eat?
lol! Umm... do french fries and a frozen mocha count? If so, Sheetz with Jessica J. after work on Sunday after my previously made plans were canceled. Needed some comfort food.

20) Where are you right now?
Umm... at my desk in my dorm room unfortunately.

21) Are you listening to music right now?
Yup. Chain of Fools by Aretha Franklin.

22) Do you have any enemies?
Not that I know of.

23) What are you doing?
Doing this survey, talking to Marisa and Melissa, and watching House. I like to multi-task.

25) Hows the weather today?
Pleasent.

26) When was the last time you were truly, completely happy with your life?
Honestly, at the moment I really am. There isn't much I'd change about it at all.

27) What are you thinking about right now?
Trying to find something about my life that I'm unhappy with now, since I'm sure there must be something, but I can't think of anything specific at the moment.

28) When was the last time you intentionally made someone cry?
I don't know, probably an elementary school aged fight with my older sister.

29) Would you be able to date someone who had a kid with someone else?
Sure, I see no reason why not. As long as the guy seems to be a good father that is.

30) What are you doing tomorrow?
Shadowing a TSS for my internship and attending an elective chapel on the importance of cultural diversity

31) What are you doing tonight?
Writing an essay and maybe starting a second.

32) Could you date someone taller then you?
Of course, I kind of prefer that.

33) Next time you will kiss someone?
Possibly this weekend? If my plans don't get canceled.

34) When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face?
Yesterday when I was stuck in that traffic jam.

35) Congratulations! You just had a baby girl! What's her name?
Nadia

36) What are you craving?
Moose Tracks ice cream. I always crave that stuff when I watch House thanks to Dr. J and my former roommate Carla.

37) When was the last time you cried?
When Philhaven took away my place in their internship program after they had accepted me and promised me a position.

38) What was the last voice mail you received about?
My mom, just wanting to chat.

39) What's in your pocket?
My cell phone, some loose change, and a pen.

40) What kind of milk do you drink?
2%

41) What are you going to do after this?
Write that essay for my Psychological Testing class.

42) Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?
Nope.

43) Has anyone mistaken you for a family member?
Nope, not that I can recall anyhow, except for over the phone, people mistake me, my older sister, and my mom.

44) Does someone like you right now?
I believe so.

45) Do you want them to tell you?
It'd be nice.

46) Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
My mom and possibly my little sister.

47) What were you doing at midnight last night?
I was attempting to sleep.

Wanted: A Knight in Shining Armor

2008-09-23T16:19:00.003-04:00

Has chivalry died? My answer would have to be a nice, loud, resounding YES!

Chapel today made me think about a certain experience I had yesterday. Our speaker in chapel was talking about how she used to have an office near the copy machine, and how whenever it would get jammed, people would automatically come to her to fix it, taking her away from what she had been working on. It annoyed her, and she'd yell at people often. One day she had a revelation though. When a woman came to her for help, she had a vision of Jesus She wasn't the strongest of Christians and didn't do anything like clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, or welcoming strangers. Yet she realized that day that those are just examples and that in Jesus' eyes feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, welcoming the strangers are all good things, "yet whoever un-jams the copier for the least of these, has un-jamed it for him."

Yesterday I was unlucky enough to get stuck in a traffic jam on the 222. As anyone who has ever driven in my car would know, if my Jetta idles for an extended period of time, it overheats. I was in the left lane at the time, so I had to pull into the median strip, pop the hood, and wait for my engine to cool down. I figured I might as well wait for traffic to clear up before heading on, otherwise I'd get stuck idling for a while again, and have the car overheat once more. So there I sat for nearly three hours, with my hood up with steam pouring out of my engine. While sitting there I did a little study for the first half hour. During that half hour 3 police cars crept by slowly in the direction I had been going. Also, 2 others drove by in the opposite direction. Also, on my side of the road 17 large pickup trucks drove by, driven by men who looked like they'd be blue collar workers. Men who would be able to help a nice, young girl stranded on the highway. Most of them, while slowly creeping by, leaned out their windows to check out my car but none offered to help. Only one person actually paused by my car, and asked if I needed help, and that person happened to be a very sweet, and very old man, who wouldn't have actually been able to help me if my car had actually had something serious wrong with it. But he offered to help anyhow. And in case you were wondering, none of the cops even glanced in my direction. Two and a half hours later, as I was ready to finally leave, a cop pulled over on the other side of the median, and asked if I was ok. I assured him that i was, and then took off, after thanking him for actually caring.

Has our society really become so uncaring? This isn't the first time something like this has happened to me. As you all should know by now, I'm not the most graceful person on earth. I tend to trip over nothing rather often. I recall that at one point, people would ask if I was ok afterwards. These days I normally only receive harsh comments and nasty looks "Hey you! Watch where you are going ya' klutz!" And then I have to look at myself for a bit. How do I react in those situations? Am I quick to help people? Or am I one to shout out rude comments? Or do I just pretend that I don't see people in need of help because I don't want to be inconvenienced? It's something to think about I guess. I just need to remember "whoever has un-jammed the copier for the least of these people, has un-jammed it for him." Plus, it'll make me feel like I'm actually not a waste of space on this earth.

The Denver Fair

2008-09-11T09:48:00.003-04:00

As most of you should know already, this is Denver Fair week. Not that the Denver Fair is anything real special on the surface, but it's filled with happy childhood memories, which despite it's flaws, makes it special to many of us. I used to love entering in all of my arts and crafts items (which normally won in their categories). In fact I'm a little annoyed with myself. I made a really gorgeous wirewrok necklace this past year that I really wanted to enter in, but when packing up to move onto campus, I wound up bringing it along. My little sister entered a bunch of her home grown pumpkins, squash, and works of art this year. And get a load of this, I forget exact what she won in each category, but she got 4 first place ribbons, 1 second place, and 1 third place. Go Julie! Since I'll be home all day tomorrow, I think I'll be heading to the fair with Julie, to see her stuff on display.

In other news, well, my life is still sort of dull since I still haven't started with my internship yet. But, as of yesterday, I finally have all the forms I need to get started, so I should be getting started next week, hopefully on Monday already. All my classes are going well. My only issue is with my Group Dynamics class. It's a fun class, don't get me wrong, I love it. There is just a ton of group work that needs to be done outside of class, which my work schedule really doesn't allow. For example, this evening my small group is supposed to go to the Student Forum to observe how that group operates. Unfortunately, tonight is my supervision meeting at PCS, which is obviously in Lancaster, so there is no way that I'd make it back to campus in time for that. Ah well, I'm trying to not feel too guilty since I'm sure that at some point all the others will have to miss a session as well.

I'm back... did you miss me?

2008-09-03T23:17:00.003-04:00

Well? Did you?
I was gone for months. I let Xanga seduce me for a while, but in all honesty, I've missed my little blog here. Let's see... I left you all in April I believe. Wow, I've got a lot to get you all caught up on.

The Fall semester here at Messiah started up yesterday. This is a fairly easy semester for me. I have Group Dynamics, Psychological Testing, Human Sexuality from a Cross-Cultural Perspective, and an Internship worth 9 credits. The internship is through T.W. Ponessa and Associates Counseling Services Inc. My new brother in law set me up with them. Thus far, Psychological Testing doesn't seem too bad. There are a lot of papers to write, but if I don't procrastinate (which I'm prone to do) I should be fine, AND there are no exams AT ALL! Can you tell that I'm excited? Group Dynamics is going to be a bit more tricky. As you would probably guess, there is a lot of group work involved that is supposed to take place outside of class. Somehow the professor managed to put the four people with the most crazy and insane schedules together for my group. Still, if we plan ahead we should get the work done, and do just fine. And the only exam for this class is the final. I haven't had my Human Sexuality class yet, nor have I started my internship, but I expect both of them to be fairly easy.

In other news, a few weeks ago, on Aug 13th, my older sister got married, hence the reason I now have a brother in law. The wedding was small, and took place on the Jersey Shore. It was one of the simplest and prettiest weddings I've been to yet, though I'm not sure if it has beaten my cousin's wedding in Maine a few years ago. I had a dreadful migraine during the pretty dinner afterwards, but it was still a very nice event. My cousin Michelle came to PA for the reception held on the 23rd, and brought her two little girls with her. The younger one, age 13 months, is adorable and has quite the adventurous and tough personality. I think she's a Martin through and through. The older girl, age 2, is down right beautiful. It's believed that she has autism, but the progress I've seen since last summer was amazing. She was running around in the parking lot, when last summer she still couldn't crawl.

Anyhow, those are the most important things to get caught up on. I'll elaborate more on how my summer went over the next few days, and I'll attempt to be more faithful with my blogging.

New Blog

2008-04-30T10:40:00.002-04:00

I've crossed over to xanga, and thus far, I think I like it better.

http://www.xanga.com/noelKt5
I can leave voice messages there, you can do video ones too, but I haven't felt crazy enough to attempt that yet.

Needless to say Jess, I think you should switch over too.

The Patheticness of Messiah College

2008-02-18T17:20:00.003-05:00

We had an open house today.
Open houses tend to suck. You can hardly get around in Eisenhower due to all the little high schoolers hanging out there, the parents park where they shouldn't and make get off, on, or around campus a serious challenge, and so fourth. It's annoying. Also, it's a waste of time. My sister made me come to an open house during my senior year, and I got nothing out of it. It gave me no better an idea of what it's like here. What really cracks me up though, is what goes on in the lovely Lottie Nelson Dinning Room. The service there on open house days is top notch. Everything is served to you, and the staff is almost entirely made up of adults, who are polite and actually know what they are doing. It's not at all like how Lottie operates the rest of the school year. But they've got to put on a good show for the parents of prospective future students. As usual, the actual students here aren't of any importance. After all, very few of us are the ones actually footing the bill to attend this so-called "christian" school. The only people of importance here are the ones with the money, our parents. Before Christmas, when my car broke down by the faculty lot, and I drifted into a parking spot there in order to get it out of the way, I was treated like trash my maintenence here. They yelled at me, cursed at me, laughed at my plight, and told me that they had no desire to hear my sob story. Somehow I absolutely had to magically move my little, disabled car down to starry field, despite that fact that my car was unable to go forward. After two days of this treatment, my dad calls in, and they couldn't be more polite with him. Told him to send me down, and they'll gladly fill out a tag for me, allowing me to stay in that lot. It was all so very frustraiting. They don't care if they upset the students, but they'll bend over backwards for the parents.

Shades of Gray

2008-02-17T23:01:00.003-05:00

Well, I figured that I'm overdue for an update. I'm totally loving my new job, working with the little kiddies. It can be depressing at times though. I see somethings going on at times that I consider a little questionable. Then again, do I really have any right to say anything at all. It's not like I've got any experiance with raising children. Which has led me to the realization that with raising kids, like most things on Earth, there is no definate right or wrong, black or white. Everything is just different shades of gray.

School is going well too. I'm especially loving my Ethics class, even though it's been known to put me to sleep on a few occasions. Both of my psych classes are amazing, and Spanish doesn't seem so bad this semester. Though my tune might change after the first exam. Even that gym class I have to take doesn't seem to terrible. There are only two things about this semester that have been less than ideal.
1. Carla has left us. She didn't return to Messiah for the spring semester, so there are only 4 of us in our little 2 bedroom apartment now. The extra space is nice, but it's a little quiet here without her.
2. The Union Cafe will not work with my PCS schedule, much to my dismay. I don't know how much more clearly I have to say it "I cannot work weekends. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday are off limits. I might be able to work some Fridat afternoons, and some Sundays, but I'll let you know well in advance when I can work them. Otherwise, don't schedule me." I think I state that all pretty clearly, don't you? Yet, I'm scheduled this Friday and I'm more than a little ticked off about it.

Advice from People who Care

2008-01-15T18:25:00.000-05:00

Many, many years ago, a man recorded his advice to the current graduating class, and this advice was broadcast all over the radio. Mr. Hummel, my personal finance teacher, made me type it over and over again, to help with my typing skills and teach me some words of wisdom. Last Friday, while heading to Del Val, to visit Melissa, I heard this advice again, for the first time in years. I was amazed. When I first heard it, I rolled my eyes at it, finding it annoying. As i was driving though, I listened to what the guy had to say, and was amazed at how much i liked it all now. It all makes so much sense. I loved hearing it so much, I'm copying it here for you in blue.

Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

This is very true. Listen to this advice. Skin cancer and wrinkles aren't fun.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Even though I'm still considered quite young, I can actually appreciate this now. I look back on pictures from my middle and high school years, and I can't believe how cute I was. And I wasn't ever as fat as I thought I was. As for the possibilities part, I can see that now too. There are many things I wish I could do a bit differently.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

It's only recently that I discovered how pointless worrying, and becoming stressed out really is. It's not at all beneficial. You just have to trust in God to sort those things out for you.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

This is a tough one, but it's something I've been working on as well. Facing my fears and coming out of my safe little shell.

Sing.

I do. And I pity those around me.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Umm... don't get me started on this one.

Floss.

I try to remember.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

This is a hard thing to do. I'm very prone to jealousy.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Insults can be hard to forget, but I'm getting better. As for compliments, I never forget those. I can be a vapid narcissist at times.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

What love letters?

Stretch.

All the time.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Very comforting to know.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

I try.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Very, very, VERY true!

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Also very true.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Once again, I try.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Ok, this is one i need to work on.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

I never touch them.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

I do good at talking to, and getting to know my parents. My little sis and I have a great relationship, but me and my older sis have issues we really need to work out.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

I can think of three individuals this is really true for. Melissa in particular. We talk about when we were really young all the time. And I've found that the more things change for us, the more we need to get together and talk about our elementary school years.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Travel? Yes! Live in Northern CA? Yes! Live in NYC? No! No! No! That would be a disaster!

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

*cringes at the thought*
Wait! I'm not sure about this one. I grew up with the Monica Lewinsky scandal, and was commuting to school when Katrina hit and gas prices skyrocketed. I'll never make those claims.

Respect your elders.

I've always tried.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

I plan on always being able to support myself. I don't like being dependant on others.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Yeah. That bit frightens me. I love to mess with my hair.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

lol... also very true.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Home for the Holidays

2007-12-23T20:27:00.000-05:00

So, my car seems to have died on Tuesday. I went to the store, and it wouldn't accelerate. Got it back to school, but it hasn't been able to stay running for more than a minute or two since. So that's how my break began. I got yelled at by dispatch, who also cursed at me. So my mom had to come and pick me up. She was in a hurry, so I had to leave most of my stuff at school, which I'm not fond of. I got to go to my Bible Study that night, which was really nice. That's such an interesting group of people. That and I actually really get something out of our lessons. The people who host it, have also let me borrow What About Bob? What a great movie! It covers so many things we've discussed in my counseling class: Existentialism, psychoanalysis, person-centered therapy, and the ethics code, among other things.

Thursday I had another training session at PCS. I learned more of the rules and regulations for my new job. I'm so excited to start, I just wish my child abuse clearance would come in so I can actually talk to the clients my supervisor has lined up for me. It's been three weeks. I should have come through by now. Since it hasn't, I'll be back at Weaver's tomorrow.

So yeah, it's been an icky week, yet it still feels so good to be home.

Christmas Tradition

2007-12-16T00:04:00.000-05:00

Ok, here we go, pictures from the Christmas Tradition dance. Yes, that's right, I willingly went to a dance. Well, not totally willingly. One of my roommates kind of threatened me. And of course, she's the only one of us, that didn't go then. So there is the four of us at the little fire place there. Aren't we beautiful?
Again, by the fire, all bundles up in our coats, waiting for the guys to pick us up.

I ran into my long lost cousin there.

Close up of me.

The two bachelorettes of the group.

lol... probably my favorite picture of them all.

Park City Mall

2007-12-11T22:14:00.000-05:00

http://www.whtm.com/news/stories/1207/479759.html

One more reason for me to fear the malls right now. Also why I become more and more scared of Lancaster City all the time. It's bad enough dealing with the huge Christmas crowds and pushy salesmen, now I have to worry about being abducted in the parking lot.

Psychology Has Ruined Me =)

2007-12-11T20:32:00.000-05:00

It's official, I can't watch movies, listen to music, or read books anymore without feeling the need to analyze the writers. Everything creative I've been coming across reminds me of some psychologist's view of human nature. Existentialism in particular is often portrayed in movies and music. The Dead Poets Society, the Shawshank Redemption, and Fight Club are all excellent examples of existentialism in movies. And another movie we can't forget, Clockwork Orange shows Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy at it's finest (well, technically it's worst, but you know what I mean). In Jack Kerouac's books, existentialism is all over the place.

Anyhow, I thought I had my subconscious analysis of people under control and limited to characters in movies. I try very hard to not analyze people in real life. However, yesterday at my training for PCS, I simply couldn't help myself. There I was, in a room full of psychologists and psychology students like myself. It was a nine hour long event, but I kept myself well entertained by trying to figure out which counseling theory everyone leaned towards. One of the speakers was overly concerned about our body language, and the gestures we make, convincing me that he was all for Gestalt therapy. Another went on and on about how you need to show your clients unconditional love, and never get angry with them, so she was categorized as being Rogerian. Another speaker was completely focused on behavior and had no regard for people's thoughts or feelings at all, making me wonder if she's a fan of Solution Based therapy. It was a blast, and the nine hours flew by.

Also, I've already got two clients lined up. Yay! I can't wait. The Human Resources guy at Weaver's is going to hate me for never being able to work weekends over break, but oh well. Like I've said over and over again, my education ALWAYS comes first. This job is just as educational for me, as my classed will be in the spring. Also, I might keep working weekends at PCS after the spring semester starts. Meaning they are going to hate me at the Union too.

Be Joyful

2007-12-08T14:34:00.000-05:00

In many ways our society has killed what Christmas is all about. We make it all about the gift giving, and card sending, and focus on all of the more commercial aspects of the holiday. In fact, for many, the pressure to buy the perfect gift for everyone makes them so miserable, that they wind up hating the whole season. What’s even sadder, is the fact that normally people only buy gifts for each other, or send cards to some people, simply out of a sense of obligation. They don’t want to give the gift, they don’t have the extra money to spend on it, and they aren’t even sure what the person really wants, so they wind up making themselves miserable over it. Gift giving is something you do because you care about the other person and want to make them happy.

The majority of this is our secular society’s fault, but not all of it. We Christians have managed to kill a bit of what the holiday is as well. It was brought up during chapel last week, that the church mostly tends to view Christmas as a birthday party. This is the day that Jesus was born. It’s an important day, but Easter and the crucifixion is the real Christian holiday. We value his death, much more than we value his life. It reminded me of how my neighbors, who live across the street (very plain people) were offended when my mother took a plate of cookies and home made candies over during the first Christmas season that we lived in this house. Their children very promptly informed her that they do not celebrate Christmas, because that keeps you from fully appreciating the more important aspects of our faith. I’m dumbfounded by that reaction to this day. Why wouldn’t you celebrate? Christmas is more than a birthday party. We aren’t just observing the birth of Christ. The fact that He was born shows God’s love for us, just as much as the fact that He died. Our God was willing to leave the Heavenly Kingdom, and join us. He lived among us, to experience what we experience, and feel what we feel. How is that not worthy of celebration?

Decorations

2007-12-07T13:09:00.000-05:00

As mentioned before, two of my roommates and I decided to decorate our apartment last weekend. While it's far from perfect looking, we still think it looks cute. I thought I'd share some picture with you. My roommate took these at night, to get the full affect of the lights. However, this means the photos are dark and dingy looking. Just so you know, our apartment is usually fairly bright and cheerful.

The little tree came first, then I thought that hanging the ornaments above it would look cute. Next thing i know, Carla was painting the message on the window and adding lights yet. I need to get a picture of it from the outside. It looks really cute.

Next was the task of making a little gingerbread house. It's not perfect, but it's cute. Beside it are my one roommate's gifts for her bf. The tiny, but real christmas tree, and the little stocking.

Well... we had some extra ornaments and an extra string of lights left over, so Carla decorated the space above the sink. It really does look very pretty when lit up at night.

Our mirror in the living room, with all of our little stockings hanging under it.

And there is our whole livingroom. It's not at it's cleanest in this picture. The room usually isn't so cluttered, but oh well.

Finals Countdown

2007-12-07T10:01:00.000-05:00

Yes it's that lovely time of year again. So this is what I've got left to do:
2 Papers
1 Homework Project
2 Regular Exams
3 Final Exams

That's not so bad. It's really not. In about a half hour I'm headed home for the weekend. I'll have the house to myself today, so I plan to get most of the first paper out of the way. Then tonight, the little sis and I have plans. We'll be watching a christmas movie of some sort, and are going to make our christmas candy. I'm hoping that by Sunday evening I've got the first paper finish, and the second one started, and I hope to have all my christmas cards filled out and ready to go. Then on monday I've got my training for my new job.

My love/hate relationship with socail networking sites. Who the heck is Joe and why is he poking me?

2007-12-04T10:09:00.000-05:00

I avoided them all through my freshman year of college. The idea seemed dumb to me. If I want to talk to my friends, I'll call them on the phone thank you. Also, MySpace and Facebook were just too fadish for me to jump on the band wagon. However, last year I cracked. I got Facebook first. I added some of my old friends from high school, and few of my new friends from Messiah. I didn't get many comments or anything, but it was nice for asking people when they'd be around during the weekend and stuff like that.

Then, my friends added some more peer pressure to the situation, wanting me to get MySpace. I resisted, but then folded, and got one of those too. I only added my friends from home at first, and it was a lot like the situation with Facebook. But then the trouble began. Odd people I did not know started trying to add me as a friend on MySpace. People sent me vulgar messages asking me if I wanted "a special friend" Honestly, I have no clue where they'd ever get the idea that I was into that sort of thing, when my profile is about the most innocent thing ever. I rarely go there anymore. MySpace is a tool I use simply to keep in touch with my non-college friends who don't have a facebook. It also keeps me connected with many of my CTF buddies as well.

Facebook is an annoyance because of the large amount of people who feel the need to add me as a friend after only meeting me once, but I couldn't get rid of it, due to easy way it provides me with information on people. I love it. I can keep up to date with everything my sister and cousins are up to. But then I think about it... if I can use this to find out all sorts of stuff about others, then they can do the same to me. Eep! So that revelation freaked me out a little bit. But, I reasoned that at least the only people who can access my Facebook, and people in one of my networks. But, knowing how i keep tabs on my sister, and tend to wind up repeating somethings to other people, I think twice about what I post on my own Facebook, because i wouldn't be surprised if she's doing the same. What has freaked me out though, is that suddenly I'm getting "poked" on Facebook by people I do not know. I've never met them, the name is not recognized, they are neither current students of my school, or residents of my home county. Why are they poking me? Is Facebook becoming more like MySpace? Don't even get me started on all those blasted applications you can add. They're annoying and drive me nuts! Like all the flashing and glittery things that annoy my eyes on MySpace. First that, and now the random, unknown men "poking" me? I'm a nice and friendly person and all, but that's just annoying. Why poke me? Why not just send a message saying hello? I'd be a little more receptive to that.

Survey Time- Hey it's been a while

2007-12-04T09:47:00.000-05:00

You can always tell when I've got a big project to work on, can't you?

SEVEN THINGS YOU WILL FIND IN YOUR ROOM:
1. My mini aquarium for little Sigmund
2. A framed picture of Julie taken during her first trip to the beach.
3. My beloved cozy, purple, blanket.
4. My computer
5. The stress chicken
6. Lots of textbooks, usually spread out across my bed.
7. My collection of jewelry making tools.

SEVEN RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS:
1. Do you like anyone? no
2. Does someone like you? unknown but doubtful
3. Last kiss? My baby sis over thanksgiving break.
4. Been lead on? yes
5. Been cheated on? no
6. Want a relationship? Would be nice, but not something I need or anything.
7. Wanna get married? Sort of, but let's face it, I'd rather be alone than settle for something less than Mr. Right. So I'm not that concerned about it.

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT:
1. good music
2. my little sis
3. good friends
4. good books
5. laughter
6. chocolate
7. crazy people. They keep life interesting, and will pay my bills once I'm a therapist.

SEVEN THINGS ON YOUR MIND:
1. I should be working on my essays right now.
2. It's Tuesday! New episode of House tonight!!!
3. I hope my training goes well on Monday.
4. Can't wait to go home on Thursday.
5. Hope I did well on the test I just took.
6. I'm so sleepy.
7. I'm so glad Dan has introduced me to Brittish comedies. Black Books is awesome.

SEVEN OTHER THINGS - DO YOU:
1. Believe in God? Of course.
2. Had a dream come true? Yeah. I had a dream that a certain friend of mine had da thing for her boss, and she did.
3. Read the newspaper? When I'm at home.
4. Get enough sleep everyday? Ususal, though not lately.
5. Have a best friend? Yup.
6. Take a bath daily? Absolutely.
7. Wish on stars? Once in a while, if I'm in the right mood.

SEVEN HAVE YOU EVERS:
1. Fallen in love? no
2. Kissed someone of the same sex? no
3. Hooked up with someone who had a gf/bf? no
4. Been to a Bonfire? yes
5. Ran away from home? no
6. Played strip poker? no
7. Pulled an all nighter? no.

SEVEN THINGS IN THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU:
1. Cried? no
2. Had fun? Yes.
3. Been kissed? no
4. Felt stupid? nope
5. Talked to an ex? no
6. Missed someone? yes
7. Listened to music? yes

The Christmas Spirit

2007-12-01T23:55:00.000-05:00

I have no clue what has gotten into me today.

Normally I can get a bit Grinch like around the holidays. I avoid the hassle of decorating, cringe after hearing any particular christmas song more than once, and avoid all christmas movies like the plague, with the exception of A Christmas Story. But for some odd reason, I'm not like that this time around.

I listened to christmas music willingly before Thanksgiving. A day or two afterwards, I had Sam create a special, winter themed banner for my sig on CTF, followed by me searching for the perfect matching image for my avie. All of my christmas shopping is offically finished, and earlier today, I went out and bough stuff to decorate my apartment with. The place looks great. We've got a wreath on our door, mistletoe right inside of it, and out big window is decorated with a lovely candycane type theme. We've got a little silver christmas tree with red ornaments in the center, mery christmas painted above it. We've got silver christmas ornaments hanging down in front of the window along with candy canes. It's hard to explain, but it's very cute. We plan on framing the window with lights too. Also, I think I might make a gingerbread house tomorrow. Yup, I've got the spirit this year. Slightly scary isn't it?

PA Counseling Services

2007-11-30T17:01:00.001-05:00

Yes, that's right, I finally got my phone call from them.
I'm in.
They hired me.
Awesome.

Thanksgiving Update

2007-11-28T00:10:00.000-05:00

Well, just in case you were wondering how my thanksgiving day break was, I figured I'd give you an update (yes I understand that you most likely don't really care about any of this, but just entertain my little delusions of importance).

Tuesday I arrived at home around 2:30. Julie was there already, much to my suprise, I thought she'd still be at school, but they only had a half day. So I got the required tackle hug. Spent the evening then getting caught up with my mom and the little one. Julie and I started a game of Disney Monopoly that laster the duration of my break. Jessica called from the hospital too, to inform us that she passed her nursing board exam. Thus, we were all in excellant moods by the end of the night. Throughout the day, I developed a nastly little cough, that continued to get progressively worse.

Wednesday was a seriously busy day. I woke up at 5:45, and started work a little before 7. It was fairly dreadful. I just made batch after batch of fruit salad. Left around 2:30 and headed into Lancaster for my interveiw with PA Counseling Services. The interveiw started off very well, until I was asked what sort of experiance I've had with Autistic children. I haven't had any of course. I was given the paperwork I'd need to fill out next, but was told not to waste my time until other people have reviewed my information, and I get a phone call telling me to move on to the next step. I haven't heard from them yet, and I have a feeling I won't be getting any phone calls. Still, my training would be on Dec. 10th, so I've asked off for the weekend before that, just in case. I'm trying to stay optimistic there. After that I headed home, had dinner with my family, then headed to the Gen X bibly study I started attending over the summer. What an interesting group of people they are. It's a good bible study, with really good discussions. I feel I'm actually learning something there, which is good considering my serious lack of biblical knowledge. And the people are very friendly and welcoming, so maybe some time soon I'll start feeling confident enough to contribute to the conversations a bit more. I didn't get back until after midnight.

Thursday was a bit dull. Julie and I watch movies and played monopoly some more. My grandfather, and my mom's two unmarried brothers came over for supper. Julie and I had made a pumpkin pie, but no one was brave enough to try it lol. After that, Tommy and I went to the nursing home to visit my grandmother. That started off fairly well, until she decided to show us her little computer, which she used to keep in her dresser. She's been having some antegrade amnesia, and doesn't remember that it's now kept at the nurses station. She burst into tears, convinced that her roommate had stolen it. We had to get her favorite CNA in to explain it to her again, and calm her down. We left shortly after that. My mom yelled at me for "being afraid" of grandma. I really resent that. I love my grandma, I'm not afraid of her at all, I just can't stand seeing her in the condition she's in right now. I wish my mom could understand that. Meanwhile, my cough had gotten to the hacking my lungs out stage.

Friday I worked from 7-4:15. It was great though, I got to do my two favorite things, I made pot-pie and Italian pasta salad. Yay! Then my mom and I went shopping, to look at possible gift ideas for me. I picked out a super cute little purse and matching wallet, along with some other things. My cough continued to get worse. My head and chest started aching with each cough, so my mom made me promise to see a doctor on saturday before the dinner.

Saturday I woke up, and spoke to my doctor on the phone. He said he thought I might have bronchitis, and perscribes some meds for me. Then I headed to the Martin Christmas dinner. Lots of good food, loud and out of control kids, and some really good rounds of Dutch Blitz. Not bad at all. I went home with the intention of just passing out for the night. At this point, thanks to my bronchitis, I was suffering from severe sleep deprivation. However, Kim G., who I haven't seen in forever, called. She, Jess, Sarah and I went shopping at Park City, then went back to Kim's apartment to play Apples to Apples. I seriously love that game. I honestly think that the four of us need to hang out more often, especially over christmas break. I didn't get home until 2am I think.

Sunday, I skipped church to due sleepiness, and that blasted cough. Then I hung out with Julie the rest of the day until after supper. The kid cried when I left. It made that very hard for me. Gosh I love that kid. She makes me feel needed, when sometimes, when I'm at home I feel a bit like an unwanted pest.

Gather Around Kiddies

2007-11-16T23:34:00.000-05:00

... listen to auntie Jenny, she's got some good advise.

Stoping being so freaking judgemental! People today are terrible, just terrible. If someone is just a little different, from what their culture deems to be the norm, they are automatically weird, stupid, evil, or just plain wrong. This is not right people. Mostly, I'm talking to those of you who call yourselves christians. Grow up! You should know better than to judge a book by it's cover by this point in your lives.

Ok, I'm done ranting for now.

Glory, Glory Hallelujah!

2007-11-15T15:50:00.000-05:00

People love ya till they screw ya!

We are currently using Albert Ellis' for of cognitive-behavioral therapy in my counseling class right now. It seems to be like existentialism, just a bit more pessimistic. Needless to say, I like it. He actually rewrote the Battle Hymn of the Republic, to basically state his over all veiws of the human nature. Basically, people will always fail you, so as long as you aren't expecting anything, they won't let you down. Can you tell I've been in a bit of a mood lately? LOL

Hard Work Is Not Without It's Rewards

2007-11-08T23:17:00.000-05:00

So, I'm sure by now you've noticed my numerous complaints about how I seems to be lacking my former drive for perfection. Can't explain exactly what has happened to me yet, but i do know that I just seem to have fallen into a rut. I go through the motions everyday not really caring what is going on. I'm loving my classes, but that just isn't enough. I've got Bs in two of them. So this past weekend I sat myself down, and forced myself to do a lot of studying since I had three tests practically in a row: Life Span Development (The Adolescent Years), Counseling (The Branches of Humanism), and Biopsych (Lots of Random Stuff). My Biopsych test came back with the worst grade I've gotten on a test in there thus far. Mildly disappointing, but I'm not loosing any sleep over it. It's just not about what I was lead to believe the class was about. I'm still well within B range, so I'm not complaining. My other two tests were the highest grades I've gotten so far in each of those classes. My Life Span grade wasn't much of a shocker because that's the age range I'm most interested in. The Counseling grade was a major shock though. I was informed that that was the most difficult test in the class because all the different branches borrow from one another, but I managed to do beautifully. I feel so darn good right now as a result. I'm practically glowing.

Sooo... I think my drive is back.

So Sweet

2007-11-06T23:04:00.000-05:00

So for the past four weeks in my Counseling class we've been talking about existentialism and other humanistic forms of therapy. We finally had the exam on it today. Thought I was finished with it, went to my Personality class, and behold, there was the existential beast staring me down again. I considered leaving quick, before the class could start, but I fought back that urge and remained there. We discussed the theories for a half hour, and then we watched The Dead Poets Society. The film really drills the meanings of it into your head. The feelings I had when the theory was first introduced to me a month ago were reawakened.

For those of you unfamiliar with Existentialism, here's a few of the basics:
1. We are all mortal, and will all die (Yes as a Christian I am saved from death, but the point is that my earthly life will end). Someday my heart will stop beating, I will cease to breathe, and all that I know in this world will be gone. My body will be buried in the ground, my flesh and organs will decompose. Seriously, think about that for a while.
2. There is no concrete meaning to life that we will ever fully be able to comprehend in our lives (at least our earthly ones). We can give our lives their own meaning though by what we do creatively on this planet, the experiences we are blessed with, and that stance we take in facing our own fate.
3. Our lives are the products of all the decisions we've made in our lives. We always have a choice. Sometimes we make the right choices, sometimes we make the wrong ones, and sometimes we chicken out and refuse to make a choice. But we always have a choice, if in nothing else we have a choice in the attitude we take regarding our current situations, or in looking back at past events in our lives.
4. So basically, our lives are made up of what we take from life.

When you really think about it, it's all so very true. It's those things listed about that make our lives so beautiful. It reminds me of a line in the movie Troy, when Achilles says "The truth is that the gods envy us" when we really face the fact that we are mortal, and that your life can be taken from you at any moment without any warning, you just start to enjoy things more. Another good movie example for this is in Fight Club, when Brad Pitt's character messes with the convienice store clerks head, afterwards he says "Tomorrow will be the best day of that boy's life. He's breakfast will be the best that he's ever had" Any given moment could be my last. Am I making that moment count for something? Sadly, the answer is usually no. Not only that, but any moment I spend with any of my friends or family could be my last moment with them before their own lives are taken. Sit down think of this very hard for a little while, then go outside for a walk. You'll appreciate the beauty in this world so much more. You'll appreciate your loved ones so much more as well. It's like you are seeing it again for the first time. It has got me thinking so much right now. What in life am I not fully taking advantage of? Who in my life am I not appreciating to the fullest? What decisions in life am I avoiding for fear of making that wrong choice? It's almost overwhelming, yet so sweet.

The sad thing is though, while life appears so beautiful, and so sweet to my right now, it will only last for a few days, maybe even a week. Oh well, it's beautiful while it last. One last quote to leave you all with "He who has a why to live, can deal with almost any how" that quote, got Viktor Frankel through his term in a Nazi concentration camp. It kept his existential attitude in check.

Yes I'm probably being a little dramatic today, but I'm very excited over this. The zest for life has returned after a nice long absense.

Internship Drama

2007-11-04T21:02:00.000-05:00

So I'm headed to the Career and Grad School Expo tomorrow to check out possible grad schools for me to attend, and to try and get myself an internship for the spring semester. So I've made up my resume to hand out if I find anything that would be acceptable. It looks very good. I even took it down to the internship center and had it critiqued. It looks even better with those changes made to it. I'm having a bit of difficulty on the one suggestion they made though. I need to specify which age group I'd like to work with: adults, children, or adolescents.

This is a very tough decision to make. There are both good and bad points to each group. My first instinct is to work with children. I do very well with kids, I enjoy working with them, and they almost always like me. However, I'm not sure how well I'd be able to handle working with a kid with serious issues. The next group I automatically think of is the adults. They're older, more mature, and have more experience in the world. While the clients might have issues, they've been in the real world, and won't go into dramatics as easily as the other two groups, also with them, you've got marriage and relationship counseling, which is an idea I've flirted with often. However, barely being an adult myself, how well would they be willing to listen to me? This brings me to the adolescents. This is the dreaded group, the toughest group to do counseling with. They normally have no desire to be there, and have no interest in fixing whatever problems they are there for in the first place. They require a ton of patience. This is also the age at which most issues start to appear. Depression, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, and sometimes even schizophrenia. For some odd reason, I feel that I'm called to work with this precise group. I'm very patient, and when I think about it, my ability to work with children usually also works with this group. I think I could really make working with the preteens and teenage population really work. I'm still not positive though.

October Musings

2007-10-30T16:54:00.000-04:00

I love October with a passion. Go outside right now, and take a good look around. The sky is at it's blues, the grass has finally returned to a gorgeous shade of green after the rain, and the leaves on the trees possess some many beautiful it's just breath taking. The temperture is perfect, it's crisp and cool. A light jacket or sweater being perfect. To finish it off, if you're at home in Lancater County, as you walk around, you smell that wonderful smokey scent from all the wood stoves. I get all giddy just thinking about it. All I want to do is curl up on the sofa with my cuddly purple blanket with a cup of Carla's homemade, warm, spiced apple cider, and watch something Halloween appropriate like Donnie Darko, or maybe even Saw. That is just pure heaven in my mind. Of course, getting Moose Tracks ice cream and watching House tonight with my roommates is a very nice alternative too.

The month went by so fast though. September took forever, but this month just flew by. I'm already signing up for classes and looking for an internship. It's nuts.

If I Could Turn Back Time

2007-10-28T14:15:00.000-04:00

I woke up to this entry from the lovely and wonderful Jessica Jennings this morning.
http://acissej16.blogspot.com/2007/10/yeah.html

I'm sure you all can remember my musings on the same subject. Melissa on graduation night, at Erin's party asked me who all we'd still be friends with by the time we graduated from college. I was optimistic, naming a few people I considered good friends. She was more realistic, saying it'd be down to just the two of us. So far, she seems to be right. Jennings' entry there echos my own thoughts on the matter. Basically, over the summer I was forced to accept the fact that I no longer had any friends at home anymore. Lea is in TN with her mother, and Melissa is in TX for training. I had pleanty of phone calls, they continued to be good friends and still keep in touch. Those, are true friends. As for other people I considered friends at home, I saw them on very few occasions and that was it. Even though they only lived maybe 10 minutes away. That hurts. Can't help but feel slightly unloved, unwanted, and unimportant in that situation. Anyhow, I'm really not sure how to respond to her little entry there. Yes, I still love the girl and I do consider her a friend. But as someone who wasn't worth her time or effort this summer, when I really could have used a friend, do I really feel like being a friend now? I just don't know. I've had an enormous increase in self confidence these past few months. I mean honestly! I am a smart individual, I'm talented, and I'm a very sweet and caring person despite my sometimes sarcastic and even cynical attitude. Do I want to open myself up to getting ignored again? Because that hurts like hell, and I'm just not sure that I'm up to that.

Mondays = Ick

2007-10-22T10:10:00.000-04:00

This may come as a shock to everyone, but I hate Mondays with a passion. I wake up around 9am, check my emails, they open up my assignment schedule to see what all is due this week. That's a depressing time for me. I'll be honest though, this week isn't looking so bad. I have the following assignments:

Essay on the effects of birth order on personality- due Tuesday
2 Interviews of Life Span Development- due Tuesday
Chapter 4 Lab for Spanish- due Wednesday
Composition 4 for Spanish- due Wednesday
Spanish Test on Chapters 3&4- Wednesday

There is only one test. This is a very rare thing for me. I usually have at least two tests per week. I have the interviews finished, as well as the interviews for the next collection day. The only thing I'm really concerned about is the essay that is due tomorrow. I've still got a lot of work to do on that. I have all my research done, it's just putting it all together that is an issue for me. I know what I'm talking about, and I know what I want to say, I just can't choose the right words for it. Luckily it's only the rough draft that's due. We're proof reading for the first half of class tomorrow night. The final draft isn't due until November 13th. Also, this Wednesday I've got an appointment at the career center to discuss doing an internship and possible career options for this summer since I've had my fill of working in food service. However, this week I need to get moving and make sure that I'm set for next week as well, since my weekend is once again, completely filled. So next week the following items are due:

Service logs for Life Span- due Tuesday
Test three for Biopsych- Tuesday
Test three for Personality- Tuesday
Test five in Life Span- Thursday
Case Study on Brain Aneurysms- due Thursday
TPA #3 for Counseling- due Thursday

That week is a little bit scarier. I need to get hours in at the nursing home for Life Span, but I won't have time to this weekend. I'll need to spend a lot of time there over thanksgiving, which won't be easy since I'll be working. I'm not concerned over the Life Span test, but the other two are ones I'll really have to study for. And I haven't even begun the case study or the TPA. I might get the TPA tomorrow before Personality, that way I've got something to work on during class. I don't know. Things are just getting very very hectic.

I'm looking at the rest of my assignment schedule now, and I can't help but notice that the end of the school year is approaching very fast. There are only 7 weeks left before the end of the semester, not counting finals week, or the two measly little days before Thanksgiving. Also, my work load seems to decrease after next week. The worst week I've got after that is the week of the 12th, when I've got two tests, and the final draft of my Birth Order paper due. All I have to do is make it through the next two weeks and I'm pretty much set.

Cozy

2007-10-19T23:49:00.000-04:00

So it's home comming weekend at Messiah College. Not that that really means anything to me. I'm not into any sports, and I don't do dances. The only way I'm affected is through work. Tonight was down right hellish for the first half of my shift. It's the busiest I think I've even been. Thankfully it died down then, and i was able to get caught up with my work. I came back home exhausted, took a long shower, and now I'm curled up in my pjs, with a cozy blanket, sipping hot spiced apple cidar, and watching Hannibal Rising. Doesn't get much better than that (I'm easy to please). Tomorrow I'm headed to Gettysburg with my roommate from last year. I'll be there most of the day, and afterwards it looks as though I'll be going to the midnight showing of some sort of movie with my current roommates. Sunday I'm doing nothing aside from working on my birth order paper. All in all, not a bad weekend.

Jenerally Speaking

2007-10-17T19:56:00.000-04:00

lol... check out what i found today:
http://www.templeofjennifer.com/blog/index.php?id=1194
Take notes people, I expect each and every one of those rules to be obeyed from here on out. Honestly, why didn't anyone inform me of them sooner?

Under attack...

2007-10-16T22:35:00.000-04:00

I'm being taken
About to crack, defenses breakin'
Won't Somebody please have a heart,
Come and rescue me now, 'cause I'm falling apart.

Yup, that's about how I feel at the moment, mostly due to that horrible spanish class I'm required to take. I just don't want to be there, I've got no passion for the material (unlike my four other classes), and I'm not doing that grand in it. All in all, I've got absolutely no drive to study for it, which is what I should be doing right now, but I can't work up the energy for it. I just can't. My drive in that class has been slowly declining for a few weeks now, but it has just hit rock bottom. Take monday for example. I make up, get ready for class, and left two hours early to go to the computer lab and work on my lab manual and composition. Guess what, not only did I wind up working on my Adlerian Birth Order essay for my personality class instead, but I became so immersed in it, that I didn't look at the clock until 12:25, meaning that I had already missed half of my class. So I came back to my room, sat down at my desk, opened my spanish book, then quickly shut it again. Then I grabed my keys and went shopping at Michaels. Got the latest issue of Beadstyle Magazine, and decided that I must make the wirework necklace displayed in it. Then I came back to my room and stared at my homework the rest of the evening. Today has basically been the same story. Work on another assignment for a little, then I stare at my spanish work for a little.

Anyhow, just incase you were wondering, after my last post, the rest of my break continued to go pretty well. I spent at lot of time with Julie, and with my grandmother at the nursing home. I also got all the interveiws in that I needed to for now. One of those interveiws led to me attending Ephrata Mennonite Church on Sunday. It wasn't bad at all. Perhaps I'll be visting there again someday soon.

Anyhow, to sum this whole post up, right now I'd give an awful lot to be back at home instead of being here. It's odd, when I left for home, I wanted to stay here. Now, one week later, I'd kill to leave.

Home Sweet Home

2007-10-11T10:59:00.000-04:00

Yeah... I've remembered why I was looking forward to coming home now. =)

I got home around 3 yesterday, played with Spark, and got tackle hugged when Julie got home from school. After that I took a nap in my own bed, and watched an episode of Frasier with Julie. Then i had a nice home cooked meal (even though I've got a kitchen now, those are still fairly rare at school), and then I headed off to my bible study. Much to my own suprise, I stayed there until quarter of midnight.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid that this break won't be much of a break at all. I've got to do research for my birth order paper, I need to do interveiws for my Life Span Development project, and I should study for my Biopsych paper. On top of that I'll be doing quite a bit of baby sitting, and I've got a few doctor appointments set up. Oh joy.

Anyhow, I should go make lunch, and get to work. It's ust so nice to be home.

Time Flies When You're Having Fun

2007-09-30T21:12:00.000-04:00

So here I am, I'll be going home in a little over a week, and I'm evaluating my thoughts on it. I've been looking forward to this break, and I'm trying to figure out why. This past summer really did drag a bit. It was quite boring. Mostly it consisted of work. Towards the end of the summer I found that Bible study, that gave me something to look forward to during the week, but that's pretty much it. My social life pretty much died over the summer when Melissa went to basic training, and Lea moved to Tennessee to spend time with her mother. So yeah, without those two, my social life is non-existant. The main thing I'm looking forward to at home is seeing my "hunny bunches" again. Which means I miss Julie. Life is dull without my baby sister.

However, here at school, life has gotten a bit more interesting. I'm been challenged intellectually again. I love all my classes (except for Spanish) and I'm doing pretty good so far. The apartment sharing has been going very smoothly yet, much to my suprise, and work hasn't been so bad either. I've found that Donna and Warren tend to reserve pizza for me when I come in, which is awesome. There are other reasons that I'm growing fond of work again, ask for details if you want them.

So yeah, today I was sitting here, thinking "oh wow, I go home in a week and a half. I can't wait!" and then it hit me. "Yeah, actually I can wait. There ain't much at home to rush back to really. Aside from Julie and my Mommy."

*sigh*

Quickie

2007-09-11T23:18:00.001-04:00

I decided to give you all a quick update, even though there isn't much to update you on.

Work was pretty awful when I first came back. The freshman leave much to be desired, and the student managers are even worse. There are a few decent ones, however, I believe that an untrained ape would be more professional than this one in particular. I did get to train some of the newbies though, which is always fun. This week, things seem to be getting better. The freshmen are picking up some speed, and there have been a few other episodes at work that have put an end to me feeling like a "horribly annoyed drone." Though I am a bit miffed over the fact that my boss has me scheduled to work 5-9 next Tuesday when I've got class from 6-9.

My classes are still going well too. I've got my first test of the semester on Thursday, and then two more next Tuesday. So far, I'm not concerned about any of them. I think my Counseling Theories class is my favorite. Next time you see me, be sure to ask me to tell you some of the stories. Believe me, they are GREAT!!! Carla and I keep our roommates well entertained with them.

But yeah... it's been a bit boring lately. Lots of studying, and too many shifts at work. Hopefully life makes itself a little more interesting soon.

Back to School Part Two- Classes

2007-09-06T14:31:00.000-04:00

So far, my classes have proven to be fairly awesome.

Life Span Development manages to keep me awake, even though it is an 8am class. I don't think I'll ever hit that point where it's almost impossible for me to get up for it, unlike what happened with my Cognition class. It's just too cool. Also, we've got the option of doing a service learning project instead of taking the final exam. I'm debating about this. I'm good with test and it's only multiple choice as well as open book. So the exam doesn't seem to be all that daunting. The service learning requirements are as follows: you must log 12 hours, you can only get two hours in at one shot, and keep a notebook describing your experiences. This doesn't sound bad to most people, but let's remember who is talking her. I am no good at keeping logs or journals, or anything of that sort. I hate it. Still, I'm going to check out what my options are for service learning. Right now I'm leaning towards prison ministry or possible working with people in nursing homes. I'm going to the Agape Center tonight yet to research this further. Mostly though, I'm concerned with how this will all interfere with my work schedule.

The Biological Basis of Behavior class is also proving to be rather interesting. I'm loving the articles we have to read. Plus, there is a huge segment on sleeping and dreams, which most people know is a topic I love. So yay!

Of course, how could a class on Counseling Theories be anything but interesting? That class also does a good job of holding my interest. I'm also loving the stories my professor has to tell us about some of his more memorable clients from the past. It's great. I've been working on my first essay for the class already. I'm supposed to explain all the reasons why I want to become a counselor, and what ethical problems I might run into. It's really got me thinking. I'll get into that more in a later entry.

I've got a three hour night class on Personality Theories on Tuesdays. The professor seems pretty awesome. She also mentions buying a copy of our textbooks and putting it on reserve in the library for us so we don't have to buy it ourselves. I really hope she does since the thing cost $100 dollars and I'd prefer to not have to pay that. I have to fill out a little personality inventory for that class this weekend, and then get a close friend of mine to do it too. I think either Lea or Melissa would be perfect, though we'll have to do it over the phone.

The last of my classes is Spanish three. This is the only one I'm at all concerned about. I barely made it through Spanish two, so I'm not sure how this is going to work out. If I study more though, I'm thinking that I'll do okay. If I start slipping, I am going to head to the prof's office and ask for help. Even if I really don't want to. I hate having to ask for help.

So yeah, this looks like a promising semester for me. I look forward to all of my classes, and looking through the books, I seem to have some background knowledge of everything.

Back to School Part One- Living Quarters

2007-09-06T13:45:00.000-04:00

So, here I am, back at Messiah.
Actually I've been here for five days now, and I'm shocked that I haven't updated this yet. Last year I was updating this thing at least two times a week.

Anyhow, at this point we've got our apartment set up how we want it. It's really nice thanks to the renovations they did over the summer. In fact, it totally exceeded my expectations. The kitchen, is a full kitchen. Not the largest one I've ever seen, but we are not short on cabinet space at all. Also, the refrigerator and the oven are both brand new. It gets a bit crowded with the table and all, making it hard to open the oven door the whole way, but it's all good. The living room is also nice. It's a bit smallish, but once again, it's fine for us. It came with a sofa and two chairs, and we added another chair of our own, as well as a TV stand. We also got a cute coffee table to place in the middle of the room. We've done our best with decorating it, without risking any harm to the fresh paint job. The bathroom, is actually fairly large and spacious. Fitting all the make-up, styling tools, and shower stuff for five girls hasn't been a challenge at all. Shocking isn't it? There are two bedrooms. I share mine with two other girls. This has been a bit more of a challenge, fitting all of our furniture in here. We've got a bunk bed, a single bed, three desks, and three dressers. So, Michelle and I have got our dressers inside our closets, and Carla is keeping her desk inside of her's. Not exactly ideal, but so far it's working. We then make up for the missing closet space by storing a lot of stuff under our beds. So it's not a perfect set up, however, I'd definitely recommend this over a dorm. I've got a nice kitchen to cook in, I'm only sharing a bathroom with 4 people instead of 40, and there really is more privacy. If my roommates are watching a movie, and I want to study, I can simply shut my bedroom door. Couldn't do that last year. So yeah, while I had a lot of doubts about how this would work out, so far, I'm pleased with this set up.

5 Days

2007-08-27T18:58:00.000-04:00

I've got 5 days before I return to school for my junior year. I cannot wait, since I am taking some awesome classes this time around: The Biological Basis of Behavior, Life Span Development, Counseling Theories, Personality, and Spanish 3 (the only one I'm not looking forward to). Plus, I've got my super sweet little apartment to look forward to too. I'm so excited about actually having a kitchen. Then, there are also the obvious perks about heading back to school, like seeing all of my out-of-state buddies again.

This summer hasn't been so bad, however, it was rather uneventful. Last week I went down south to visit my cousin Michelle and her babies. Those are some seriously beautiful children. And I give Michelle so much credit for taking such great care of Jahonna and getting her all the different types of therapy that she needs. I've seen such improvement from her. Her boyfriend's 2 year old son is trip too. I was there for about 15 minutes before the kid looked at me, smiled, and said "I love you Miss Jenny!" He repeated that several more times before I left. He's such a little cutie.

So that whole trip had me feeling all happy. Then something kind of odd and unexpected happened upon my return. I ran over to the grocery store to pick a few items up for my mother, and a good friend of mine from high school was there, talking to her older sister (the older sister is a cashier there). Anyhow, she looked over at me when I walked in, and then quickly turned her head in the opposite direction. I walked by her, and she would not make eye contact with me. Finally, when I went to pay, she was sort of forced to look at me, so she said "hey" quick, and then turned away again, and would talk to me again. Needless to say, I am a little bit hurt and confused over this. I have done nothing to this girl. We've talked a few times since graduation, and she'll be the one to mention getting together sometime, but then she'll always cancel on me at the last minute. If you don't want to have contact with me anymore, just say so and give me a decent reason why. Don't go all fake on me like that.

It's sad really. It reminds me of how Melissa and I sat there during Erin's graduation party. Everyone was having a blast, and Melissa said to me "So, right now these are all the people we'd consider our good friends. How many of them do you think we'll be talking to a year from now? And how many of them do you think we'll consider our friends when we graduate from college? Personally, I think a year from now, I'll still talk to you, and maybe one or two of the others. By the time we graduate, it'll be down to just you though." I was stunned by that. It was kind of a dark and depressing thought, for such a happy and festive occasion. I mean, honestly, we're sitting there drinking pina colada flavored colas wear at least 5 lies a piece with the little umbrellas from our non-alcoholic drinks in our hair. But I sat there and thought about, and came to the same conclusion that she did. In a year, I figured I'd still had Melissa, Jessica E., Jessica J., and possibly Sarah and Kim. By graduation I still hoped to Have those first three too. Sarah I never heard from again. Kim I still talk to on IM occasionally. Jessica E. though, well, read the last paragraph. So it's down to Jessie J. and Mel. Jess and I talk less and less as the time goes on, I've noticed. So, I hate to say it, but it looks like Melissa's conclusion was correct. By graduation, of all the buddies I had in high school, she'll be the only one left. Along with Lea of course, but she's family and in a different category.

I did it!

2007-07-28T22:08:00.000-04:00

I created a seperate blog in which to show off my art. *squeels delightedly* All I need to do is get some pics uploaded to my PC and I'll be all set. I've been dying to do this for like, a week now. I'm down right giddy. By the way, in case you are wondering, Crisalide means fairy. I named it that in honor of my dancing fairy earrings. I've got some pictures of my Fire Goddess necklace, but I'll hold off on posting those until tomorrow. It's getting late for me, and I'm getting sleepy.

So, for a quick little update on my mundane life...
Work is going the same as always, I think I'm ready to head back to school now. I've been keeping in touch with Melissa. I think she's finally adjusting to army life, I'm very happy for her. I'm amazed at how often we still correspond. Seriously, her and Lea both. They do a better job of staying in touch with me than some of my friends who still reside in the same town. I don't think I ever mentioned my little excursion to the beach. It was lovely and very relaxing. I got the coolest purse in the world there.

Julie got to swim the back stroke at divisionals. She hadn't swam that yet this season. I took her to the REC a few times, and we worked on how to stay straight, and how to not hit your head at the end. The fruits of my labor were worth while. She won the event, and had a good lead on all the other girls too. I was so proud.

I started going to a Bible study this past week. I love it. We talked about our spiritual gifts and how to better utilize them in the church. Shockingly, according to my personality profile, I'd be cut out to make a pretty good preacher lady. lol. Yet, in this area, the idea of a woman preacher is still usually seen as being blasphemous. At this very moment, I'm participating in a pretty heated debate about it. I think I had better soon end it though. It's late, I'm tired, and at this point, I'm no longer being as curtious as I usually try to be.

I'll edit this a bit tomorrow, when my head is working a bit better, but all in all, I'm a happy girl right now, with my new jewelry site.

I promise I'll be better about this when school starts up again.

2007-06-30T09:43:00.000-04:00

I've got 61 days until I head back up to Messiah College.
I didn't think that the countdown would be starting up so soon. But I'm dying for the freedom going away to college provides.

Work is still going well, aside from the little incident I had last week, when I started that small fire. It was horribly embarrasing, but the fact that I said "I'm so afraid I'm going to start a fire here" right before it happened added a little comic relief. Luckily, most people seem to have forgotten it by now. I completed my most recent necklace. It's done with picture jasper and is very cute. Pictures are coming soon, I promise, along with pics of my dragonfly watch and creation bracelet.

Lea is coming up this week to visit, which has me absolutely THRILLED. I haven't seen her for nine months now, which is the longest the two of us have ever been apart from one another. I count her among my best friends, and she's one of the few who understands how my mind works. Next week I'm headed to Baltimore for a bit, followed by going to the beach. This has me thrilled as well. Add to that the fact that I got a $1 raise yesterday, and it shouldn't be hard to tell that I'm a very happy girl at the moment. Anyhow, I must go now and get ready for work. I'll post again later tonight.

Life is Good.

2007-06-07T11:46:00.001-04:00

Indeed it is. I'm fairly happy right now. Let's see... it's been almost two weeks.
Work has been going good, and last Tuesday I went to see POTC 3 with Melissa, before she shipped off for basic training. I found the movie very enjoyable, though a few parts were totally over the top, unnecessary, and simply annoying. It was still good though. She didn't like it at all though. Sunday i went to a different church, and loved it, i think my family will be switching. Also, on sunday, my sisters and I went to see Shrek three, which was also very good. Today is my day off this week, I think I'll be going shopping for a few things to decorate my room with.

Kaelee is coming to Hershey tonight! I'm so excited. I don't when I'll get to see her, tonight she's hanging out with her bf, and I work friday and saturday, but I'll make time to visit her sometime this weekend. I haven't seen her since January, which is just nuts! She the coolest and nicest person I managed to run into at Messiah College, except for maybe Theresa... it's a tie there I think.

Jennifer-ology

2007-06-07T11:03:00.000-04:00

MOUTHOLOGY
Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. French, Ceaser, or bacon dressing from Weavers.

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. Arby's, because they have the Jamocha shake.

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. Silk City, the silk city chicken is soooo good.

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. Anywhere from 10 to 20% depending on how good the service was.

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick off of?
A. Weaver's macaroni and cheese.

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. The garden of Eden pizza from the union, with all the veggies, ranch dressing instead of sauce, and extra cheese, without the oregano.

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. Strawberry jelly or applebutter.

Q. What is your favorite type of gum?
A. Orbits original.

TECHNOLOGY
Q. Number of contacts in your cell phone?
A. 32

Q. Number of contacts in your email address book?
A. Way to many. Like at least 100.

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. A picture of my beloved Sparky.

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. One

BIOLOGY
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. Righty

Q. What’s your best feature?
A. My eyes, when they aren't red from my allergies.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Not yet, but I'll probably have to have a birthmark removed soon.

Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
A. touch... I'm hyper sensitive to touch.

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. like, 6 years ago.

Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
A. A tub of potatos at work.

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. Nope

BULL[CRAP]OLOGY
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. No!

Q. Is love for real?
A. Yes, but it is rare.

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. My middle name, Noelle.

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Green in a shade that matches my eyes.

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. Well, when i was little I liked to eat the plants in my mother's garden.

Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A. Not that I know of.

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. Not that I know of.

DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
A. No.

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. Does kissing my baby sis on the cheek count? If not, I don't think so.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000
A. No!

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Heck yeah! I'd give up my whole computer for that.

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. Never.

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. Absolutely!

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. No! Life is sacred.

Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
A. Certainly, I hardly watch it as it is.

DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: a tissue.

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: The movies was horrible! Not at all funny or entertaining. I don't get what the big fuss was about. Watching it was pure torture.

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: Carpet

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: I stand. This is a very odd question.

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: I can, I'm just not happy with it.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: 3 pairs, but my favorites just broke. =(

Q: Where were you born?
A. Ephrata.

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: n/a, I've had no run-ins with the cops.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: Right now, school psychologist.

Q: Who is number 1 on your top 8
A: I really don't remember, and I'm not in the mood to sign in to find out. Just not in the mood for mySpace nonsence today.

LASTOLOGY
Q: Friend you talked to?
A: Kaelee

Q: Last person you called?
A: Lea

Q: Person you hugged?
A: Julie

FAVORITOLOGY
Q: Number?
A: 12, 15, 9... basically multiples of three.

Q: Color?
A: Green and purple.

Q: Season?
A: The fall, I love all the pretty colors.

CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone?
A: Aren't I always?

Q: Mood?
A: Very happy.

Q: Listening to?
A: Everything by Michael Buble.

Q: Watching?
A. Nothing.

Q: Worrying about?
A: Nothing, and it is so refreshing.

RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning?
A: To the bathroom to get a shower.

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: See Kaelee this weekend!

Q: What’s the last movie you saw?
A: Shrek three. It was so cute.

Q: Do you smile often?
A: The ladies at work make fun of me because I'm always smiling.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: I am, as soon as I feel comfortable around you.

Q: Now that the surveys done what are you going to do?
A: Tis my day off, I think I shall do some beading, watch a good movie, and relax.

Surveys... stolen from Jess

2007-05-26T19:19:00.000-04:00

Survey Numero Uno:

HOW MUCH HAVE YOU CHANGED IN 4 YEARS?
---- 4 Years Ago -------
1.) How old were you? 16
2.) Where did you go to school? Cocalico High School.
3.) Where did you work? Kountry Korner.
4.) Where did you live? Reinholds.
5.) Where did you hang out? Mostly at Melissa or Lea's house.
6.) Did you wear glasses? Sometimes.
7.) Who was your best friend? Melissa
8.) How many tattoos did you have? None
9.) How many piercings did you have? two.
10.) What car did you drive? The old silver Jetta.
11.) Had you been to a real party? nope.
12.) Had you had your heart broken? Nope.
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Single
14.) Boyfriend/girlfriend? Nope

-------------2 years ago-----------
1.) How old were you? 18
2.) Where did you go to school? Still Cocalico, but right about to graduate.
3.) Where did you work? Kountry Korner.
4.) Where did you live? Denver, we had just moved into the new house.
5.) Where did you hang out? the mall, Wal-Mart, and friends' houses.
6.) Did you wear glasses? sometimes.
7.) Who was your best friend? Lea and Melissa.
8.) Who was your crush? Why, the customer we called "Hot Stuff" of course.
9.) How many tattoos did you have? None!
10.) How many piercings did you have? two.
11.) What car did you drive? The old silver Jetta, but it was close to it's death at this point.
12.) Had your heart broken? no
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Single
14.) Boyfriend/girlfriend?: Nope.

--------------------Today--------------------
1.) How old are you? 20
2.) Where do you work? The kitchen at Weavers.
3.) Where do you live? Denver!
4.) Where do you go to school? Messiah College
5.) Who are your best friends? Melissa, Kaelee, and Lea
6.) Do you talk to your old friends? Some, but not all of them unfortunately.
7.) How many piercings do you have? two.
8.) How many tattoos? None
9.) What car do you drive? The purple Jetta.
10.) Has your heart been broken? nope.
11.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Single.
12.) Boyfriend/girlfriend? no.

Survey dos:

Two things you are wearing right now:
1. brown polo shirt.
2. Jeans

Two things you want in a relationship:
1. Someone to appreciate me for what I am.
2. Someone as low mantenence and laidback as I am.

Three of your favorite things to do:
1. Make Jewelry
2. Laugh
3. Spend time with the people I love.

Four things you want very badly at the moment:
1. To go back to that new bead shop... I've got ideas now.
2. To see some of my friends from school again.
3. To be alone for a bit.
4. Silence to read in.

Two pets you had/have:
1. Iago (Red fantailed Goldfish)
2. Othello (Black Moore Goldfish)

Two things you did last night:
1. Watched Tomb Raider with Julie.
2. Beaded.

Two people you last talked to on the phone:
1. Melissa
2. Kaelee

Two of your least favorite things to do:
1. Hurt people's feelings.
2. Admit I'm wrong.

Survey Tres:

The Dirty Thirty... 30 unknown facts/secrets about yourself:

1. When was the last time you shaved your legs? Just this morning.

2. What were you doing this morning at 8am? Just getting out of bed, and making myself all pretty for work.

3. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? posting on CTF.

4. What are you wearing right now? Jeans and a brown polo shirt.

5. Are you mad at anyone right now? I'm a little annoyed with my little sister, but not mad at her.

6. The last two people to say they loved you? My little sister and my daddy.

Where is 7?

8. Do you know the words to the song on your MySpace profile? Of course, I'm obsessed with that song.

9. Last thing received in the mail? A coupon to New York and Co.

10.. Do you have any famous relatives? I don't think so.

11. Have you ever had sex in a public place? No!

12. Have you ever been searched by the cops? Nope.

13. How is your hair? The hair is fine, though my eyebrows need to be waxed badly.

14. How many different drinks have you had today? Just water and green tea.

15. What have you eaten today? Pizza.

16. Are you any good at math? Depends on how it's presented. I'm good at stats at least.

17. Do you have plans on Saturday night? Well, that would be tonight, so no.

18. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? Of course.

Where is 19?

20. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? No. Sleep is my friend, and I make sure that I gets lots of it.

21. Do you like the ocean? Absolutely, and I think I might be lucky enough to go at least three times this summer. Yay!

22. Do you stay friends with your ex's???? I guess why not

23. What are you excited about? Tueday and going to see POTC 3 with Melissa.

24. What did you do last night? I made the PERFECT pearl necklace with little mini swarovsky crystals.

25. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive? Nope

26. Where do you keep your change? My pockets, a little container on my desk, and a little plastic wallet in my purse.

27. Do you remember the most naughty night of your life? What Jennings said: What kind of question is this?

28. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? I like sleeping alone.

29. What was the weather like on your birthday? It was gorgeous. We had spring weather that day, and then winter returned.

30. Would you have sex with anyone on your friends list? Whoever made up this survey has got a smutty mind lol.

I'm back

2007-05-26T18:56:00.000-04:00

Ok, it's been too long since I've last posted, I know. I apologize.
You haven't missed much though, the past two weeks have been quite boring. I moved back home last monday, that was fun. Hauling all of my stuff down three flights of steps, then hauling it all into my room when I got home. I think I've finally got everything back where I want it in my bedroom. I started back at Weavers last wednesday. It's so great that I can actually write about my job without cringing, it's very refreshing. I wake up super early in the morning, knowing that I have to be at work soon, and I'm not at all bothered by that fact.

Friday, Melissa came home for the day, and we went shopping in the evening with her 5 year old nephew. I reconnected with my inner child, when the three of us got into a little fight using plastic light sabers in the middle of the toy store. We finally got kicked out when the store had to close. Saturday was my sister's graduation, the ceremony was beautiful, except for the fact that the guy who read off the names for the department of psychology managed to butcher almost every name. I kind of hope that some one different reads them when I graduate, but really, how badly can you mess up my name? Then, when I got home that evening, Jessica Jennings and I went to see Hot Fuzz, which I think was totally awesome. I highly reccommend it. Sunday I helped out in the nursery during church, where I watched three little 2 year old boys. They were very entertaining.

I worked monday through Wednesday, and had this past Thursday off. On my day off I went to That Fish Place and bought a little black moore, about one inch long, to keep Iago company in his tank. Needless to say, I named him Othello. I also found the new bead store in Lancaster that day too. It was like Heaven. They had every type of bead under the sun there. They aslo carry sterling silver wire in various gauges, which if you know me, you know that I've been working hard at locating that. Yesterday I was at work again, nothing special to mention there, same with today.

So yeah, that's basically everything in a nutshell.

Almost Done, Thank the Lord!

2007-05-10T14:11:00.000-04:00

I just finished my Created and Called final. I also had my Psychological Science and Technology final today too. So, out of my five classes, I'm now finished with three of my finals, having taken my Self Defense final on Monday. I know I passed the Self Defence final, and I know I got an A on my Psych final as well. I'm not so sure about my Created and Called final though. I even sold half of my books back this morning getting enough cash from them to fill up my gas tank for the return home. Tomorrow I've got my Statistics final, which is not only multiple choice, but it's also open book. Thus, I'm not at all worried about it. Also, I get paid tomorrow, making it an excellent day for me. I'll finally be able to get that shirt I want. Actually I think I might get some new work out clothes instead, I need to look cute when I go to the rec to work out. This weekend I need to finish up my packing, and by bedtime on Sunday I hope to have my little Jetta completely packed except for my bedding, a change of clothes, and my computer. As soon as my Spanish final is over, I'm throwing the rest of the stuff in my car, returning my room key, and heading home. Yay! I think I'll even make my first trip to the rec Monday night already. Tuesday I've got off, and I might even go buy my paint for my bedroom a while, and then on Wednesday, I'm back at Weavers working 7-3:30 on a daily basis. Saturday, I need to come back to this lovely school for my sister's graduation, which is something I'm really not looking forward to. Then that night, after returning home, I'm off to finally see Hot Fuzz with Jennings. *sigh* This week can't go by fast enough!

On a sad note, tonight is the last Power House I'm attending this year. I do really enjoy those. It's one of the few things about this school that I'm looking forward to returning to. I haven't gone too many times, but the few times that I have gone with Theresa and Carla were very enjoyable and uplifting. As for certain issues, that you all are aware of by now, things have gotten better. There's actual verbal communication going on, which shocks me quite a bit. Either way, I'm down to four days. I am strong, and I can put up with anything for that short period of time. Though the midnight scream might get the best of me. There's nothing worse than being in bed and sleeping soundly only to be woken up by a chorus of screams that lasts for like, 15 minutes. It's kind of nuts. Also, the girl next door to me and Tiff needs to learn what "quiet hours" means. When quiet hours begin at eight, it means that talking/laughing/and playing music REALLY loud at 11pm is really not cool. Either way though, knowing how the next week and a half look for me, I can't stop smiling.

Hurtful People

2007-05-07T18:28:00.000-04:00

I really do not understand how some people can be so very hurtful at times. I just don't. There are three people in particular that I'm thinking of at the moment, who can say such incredibly hurtful/mean/degrading things about a person, and then will turn around and be super nice to you as if they had never made that comment in the first place. It's just not right. In same cases they may not know that you know what had been said, but honestly, what goes around comes around. It's so cliche, but it's true. We are teenagers people (or at least very close). Thus, the gossip runs strong. It didn't take long for me to do my research and figure out what is being said about me. I see this behavior being shown to others though, as well, so it's not just me. I just do not understand how you can act that way, yet still hold your head up high, and call yourself a christian. A few posts back, I made some nasty comments myself, which were read by the current person I am discussing, and I feel a lot of guilt about it. These people though, they aren't effected by it at all. Are the sociopaths? Heartless? Totally self centered and unaware that anybody aside from themselves have feelings? I don't know, but I'm kind of intrigued. The thing is though, now I know what I'm doing to annoy her. Do I modify this behavior to make her happy, or should I be mean and continue on, since she hasn't had the guts or decency to tell me to my face? Anyhow, in regard to certain claims made about my life style:

1. I'm lazy- yup, that's why I'm at the gym a few times a week. That's why I'm constantly going for walks. That's why I'VE ACTUALLY GOT A JOB! And that's why I've got better grades.

2. I do nothing but talk to my friends all day every day- Yup, I do talk to my buddies a lot. I've got friends to talk to. Friends that live in the US. That's not all I do though. Just because I'm typing doesn't mean I'm on IM. I've been working on that story of mine, if you spoke to me, you'd know about that. And when you add school, church, and work into the picture, obviously I must be away from this box for a little while during the day.

3. I'm fat and eat horrible food- Honey, I'm a great cook. My food tastes good, and is good and nutritious. As for fatness, look in a freaking mirror honey. You've got quite the gut to you.

One week, just one week left. It's just that we were getting along again last night, and I was hoping that that would continue.

I'm a Weak One

2007-05-05T08:43:00.000-04:00

Call me Irresponsible is playing right now, putting a smile on my lips, as is greatly needed. I had a horrible day yesterday, after a certain incident in one of my classes. For those who know me, ask me and I shall elaborate, I just don't feel comfortable posting the details here. One can never be positive of who reads this. Just let me assure you, some real nastiness took place. Still though, I've managed to remain nice, kind, and considerate towards those who find it impossible to be civil. I give myself some credit for that. This is turning out to be a real test of my character, patience, and principles. I do believe that this is one test I'm definitely passing so far. All I can say is go ahead and hate me for no reason if that's what you want. I am an awesome person, so it's you who is missing out. Last night was great though. I chatted with some people on-line, and talked to Melissa on the phone. She, Lea, and Jess are the only reason I'm still sane right now. It was a nice Friday evening, I must say. Nice for me anyway, right now, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I had to work from 9pm to after 1am this morning though, which sucked a bit. Especially since I didn't sleep much Thursday night. Certain people were very annoyed upon my late arrival back. Apparently they got their hopes up that I went home for the weekend again. In retribution, they were extra loud at 7am when they got up. Oh well, they've left now, I'll just curl up and take a nap later.

Anyhow, back to my lovely new CD. I talked to my boss, and yeah, for some reason we aren't getting paid until next week. I have no clue what the logic behind that is. Then I had another moment where God has proven his existance to me fully and completely. An on-line friend of mine, sent me a copy of the CD when I mentioned how badly I wanted it. I didn't ask him to, he just did it. Trying to show me some kindness, in order to cheer me up. What a sweetheart, if we ever meet, he's getting many, many hugs for this. Again, absolute kindness showing up in the least expected places, when I'm in need of it most. It's his best CD yet I think. I really love Coming Home Baby, which is a duet with Boyz II Men of all people. I love the CD so much, that I think I might actually go and buy it when I've got cash, I know I love it, so it will be money well spent.

I've got Coming Home Baby on right now, so that smile is still on my face. I like to remain positive in life, it takes a lot to get me down. I'm definately NOT giving her the satisfaction of seeing me lose my temper for any reason. Think Buble... only 9 days left...

Where, Oh Where is my Paycheck?

2007-05-04T11:49:00.000-04:00

Come on, come on, I need my money! Don't tell me you've decided to against the usual payment scheduling. We are supposed to get paid every other week. It's been two weeks! I've got things that I really do need to purchase. First off, I absolutely NEED to get myself a copy of Michael Buble's new CD Call me Irresponsible. I'm in love with his new song on the radio, Everything, and he also sings Eric Clapton's Beautiful Tonight. *sigh* Michael Buble... *swoons*. Also, I want to get a simple black slightly tight shirt with 3/4 sleeves to go with my creation bracelet. And with that shirt, comes the required black ballet flats. I figure that I deserve a little something nice after dealing with certain people as kindly and patiently as I have been. Also, I want to get something nice and pretty to wear to my sister's graduation. I'm thinking of getting a nice sundress (preferably the white and black one) from New York and Company, with a matching cardigan. It all shouldn't cost the terribly much. The CD is on sale at Target for $10, and the shirt and shoes, if bought at Target, shouldn't cost much either. The dress will be a bit pricey, but I haven't got any dresses, and I'm sure I'd wear it to church and get a lot of use out of it. But, that doesn't mean anything if i haven't got any money. Also, I do want to go see Hot Fuzz sometime soon.

Kind Words, and a Little Humor go a Long Way

2007-05-01T19:49:00.000-04:00

So I meet up with Theresa today to work on our presentation for our Spanish class, and we made ourselves a new friend. It was some random guy, who was sitting across from me, who decided to come over and apologize for the sophomoric way his friends were acting. Of course, Theresa and I told him not to apologize, because we actually found it rather entertaining. It was a brief encounter, but he was a very nice, and friendly person who was amused by that fact that he and his friends were amusing us. Theresa and I both agree that that was the nicest anyone has been to either of us thus far on campus. Which is, in a way, really sad. It has managed to make my day though. Considering my current roommate issues, it was nice to have a complete stranger start up a conversation, be totally nice and respectful, and make me smile and laugh. Little weird incidents like that convince me that there is a God. I got what I was desperately needing (some kindness and appreciation), right when I needed it most. I think I just received the strength I need, to make it through another 12 days on campus.

The End is Near... thus, the countdown is on!

2007-05-01T09:37:00.000-04:00

Edited last on May 11th

1 days of finals

Spanish 2:
1 Final Exam

I shall keep this updated as the weeks progress.

Just Letting off a little Steam

2007-04-29T21:01:00.000-04:00

People are rude!
I know that this is a gross over generalization, but for the most part, it is true. As stated before, I try very hard in my life to see the good in people. I guess I'm an optimist. I like to see the glass half full, even if it really is half empty.

Most people, I've found, treat people in the opposite manner. They only look at the bad, no matter how superficial those aspects are. Then they proceed to tear that person down, based on those faults. They do not give people the benefit of the doubt. As soon as they find one little displeasing aspect, they give up all hope for the person, they become worthless.
People ignore the fact that I'm a generally good hearted, compassionate, intelligent, and sweet person, and focus on the following:

1. I could stand to lose a little weight.
2. I'm rather pale, and tend to be a great indoors woman.
3. I'm not the most organized person on earth.
4. I haven't got a boyfriend.
5. I love my computer, to an almost alarming extent.
6. I've got a lot of muscle for a lady.

For future reference, before you EVER EVEN CONSIDER making a comment about any of those things to me again, please take note of my responses.

1. Yup, I've got a little junk in my trunk. I've known this for a long time, and I don't need your reminder. At the same time though, I've actually lost weight since high school. I've gone down an entire size. I have decent endurance when it comes to covering long distance, I've got an ideal blood pressure and heart rate, and aside from my asthma, I'm very healthy. Can you say that? Can you? And as for the anorexic ones that like to point this out, I've got curves. Curvature is a good and healthy thing to have. While I need to lose weight, you need to put some on. Also, my excess weight is well proportioned, I carry it well and still look good. SOME people manage to have all their excess weight on their stomach and almost look like their pregnant when veiwed from the side.

2. Yes I am pale. I love the sunshine, it's lovely. The sun though, doesn't like me. I burn in a matter of minutes. And when I burn, I burn badly (as in, I get blisters). Years of sun-damage of left me with shoulders covered in little freckles. That's not a good thing. They tend to lead up to skin cancer. I may use a bit of sunless tanner, otherwise my legs might blind you, but aside from that little boost, I don't worry about getting that golden tan. Being pale totally beats getting skin cancer. So if I choose to stay indoors on sunny days, bite your tongue before making a joke about me being pale. Otherwise, when you wind up with a sunburn, or worse, skin cancer, I'll be forced to point at you and laugh. I also need to point out that I've got nice and good skin, which is odd for people around my age. I do not break out, my skin isn't oily, and my pores are kind of smallish. If you have any of those problems, don't comment on my paleness, or I might point out how flawed your own skin is.

3. Yes, there is a bit of clutter in my living space. Not everything is in it's place at all times. My fish tank might even have a bit of algae in it. But I can find what I need, when I need it. There's a difference between regular organization, and obsessive organization. Don't make me get all Freudian on you!

4. *Sigh* Oh whatever will I do without a big strong man to take care of me? If you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic (go read my former posts). I'm a fairly independent person. To quote my beloved Foamy "I do not need the existence of another person to validate my own existence". And to quote the wonderful Melissa "We'd have more fun planning our kidnappings of various super hot men, than we ever would discussing our boyfriends". So basically, I'm capable of keeping my own life interesting and fun without the aid of a man. I've got a good and creative head on my shoulders, a decent job, great friends, a scholarly and philosophical nature, and a sense of self-worth to keep me busy and entertained. If I find a great guy who loves me for who I am, that would be great. If I don't, well, at this stage I really don't care. I've got enough other stuff to be focusing on.

5. I do indeed love my PC. Right now it's the only thing keeping me in touch with most of my friends. Otherwise I'd be spending an outrageous amount of money on gas and my cell phone bill. I can talk to Jennings, Melissa, Jessica, and others on IM, and email Julie and my parents. I also have other wonderful tools like on-line access to the library's database, and some of the forums I belong to. Of course, my little blog here is another reason i love my PC, along with things like MS Office. Basically, I'm on my computer a lot, because it is my lifeline. Thus, leave me and my lover alone. *lovingly strokes her monitor* Yes, I know that some people find it creepy, but when I'm at home, and the school work is gone, I'll get away from this thing more.

6. The muscle issue hasn't been brought up until recently, but some people seem to find women with muscle to be highly unattractive. I like to work hard, stocking the cooler at work is something I enjoy. That involves a lot of lifting of heavy things. Thus, I've built up muscle. I don't see how that's anything bad. Strength is a good thing. Once again, it shows that I am healthy. And on this note, it's also a testament to the fact that I visit the gym rather regularly. Therefore, those who call me lazy, can keep their mouths shut as well.

Anyhow, those that this was written for probably won't read this. But on the off chance that they do, please take notes, and remember this during future conversations. And on a closing note: I'll type as late as I want to, thank you very much!

The Tide is Turning

2007-04-23T10:25:00.001-04:00

First, here's a little public service announcement that will be appearing on all my posts from now, until I've gotten somebody to join:

Join LOST! And help me survive until round 2!
Do it! Do it now!

Ok, now on with the post:
Lately, my luck has been a bit on the blah side. Not much has been going on in my life. Everything is kind of stagnant. Spring brought me a little hope, due to the promise that school would be over soon. But the next three weeks still promise to be very long. I cannot wait to begin school next year with a fresh slate. But back to everything in my life being stagnant. My love life continues to be as dull as wheat bran, scholastically I'm really not growing at all, not learning a thing in my classes, and of course, my job still sucks and doesn't offer me a challenge at all. However, after a few calls from my mother, and a few from dear Lea, it looks as though the tide might be turning. This summer looks as though it could become more exciting then I've given it credit for in previous entries, next school year is bound to rock, and life once I'm out of this school could be great indeed. I just need to make it through the next three weeks. Then it's back to my own bed, Sparky, my loving baby sis, a few REAL friends, a job I actually enjoy, and more (not going into specifics). Let's bring on the finals, I want out of here!

Goals

2007-04-22T11:28:00.000-04:00

A few things I definitely want to have completed by next semester:

1. Drop another dress size. Well, we all know that this is something I've been working on for a while. At the rate I've been going lately, I might be able to drop 2 dress sizes by then.

2. Get back into jewelry making, and to be more creative with it. I have a few particular projects in mind, but lately I've found that I've only been duplicating things, or re-doing projects I've done before. I need to start designing again.

3. Complete a scrapbook. And by this I mean one for myself. My mom and I plan to make one for Julie, but I need to make one for myself as well. I have all the ideas sketched out, and the stuff I need for them put together, I just need to take the time to glue it and finalize it.

4. Paint my bedroom. I've only needed to do this for 2 year now... lol. At least I know how I want to decorate and all now. I even have to color picked out. I want to have this done before June even.

5. Write my book. I've started it. I just need to finish it. Starting things is never an issue for me. Completing them is another story. But so far it's been going well, so hopefully, it'll be at least halfway before September.

6. Read more- I've been slacking. Some books I need to read or in some cases re-read: Sophie's World, Dr. Sax, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and the Neil Geiman book Melissa liked so much.

7. Learn to be more assertive, and quit letting people walk all over me. An issues I've really been struggling with lately. I'm too nice for my own good, and never quite stick up for myself. This, combined with an overly empathetic nature has been resulting in quite a bit of misery for me. I collect other people's problems like a magnet, then I have to carry around that weight, along with my own issues. I don't want that particular bit to change about me. However, I let them push me around then. The relationship become me giving them all the support they need, and then them taking advantage of me because at the moment I'm still feeling so much pity for them. Regular readers, do not fret, I'm not referring to you there.

8. Get involved in more community service projects. I used to do a lot, now I do very little. I miss that warm fuzzy feeling it gives me. I think I've got a regular project lined up for me at home, working with the youth at my church. Next year, I'm debating between working at the Paxton House, with adults who need help of any sort, or prison ministry at a juvenile detention center.

9. Take time out to enjoy God's creation more. I just need to get out more. I love nature. I hope to go on many walks this summer with Julie, Sparky, and/or Jessica Jennings! Also, I'm not going to let shopping dominate my trip to the beach this summer.

10. Learn to be more thankful for what God has given me. I am usually a very positive person. I tend to see the bright side of things. Lately, I've been seeing the glass as half empty though. God has blessed me in many ways, and I do need to learn to be more thankful for it.

A Very Rewarding 3 Hours

2007-04-19T13:25:00.000-04:00

Today I was a buddy at the Special Olympics from 9-1. I was paired up with a 13year old boy, who I think had cerebral palsy. He had some motor imparment, but was fine aside from that. He was in a wheelchair, but could walk with crutches. His name was Bryce, and he was signed up to compete in the softball throw, shot put, and wheelchair race. Sadly, due to time constraints, he didn't get to do his race. I have to say though, he is probably the sweetest 13 year old in the whole world. He'd thank me everytime I'd push his wheelchair for him and for simply wanting to help him today, and insisted on carrying everything. He was a real doll of a kid. What can I say? I feel all warm and gushy inside. I really do need to get involved in some form of regular community service. I always feel so good afterwards.

The Simple Things

2007-04-18T16:26:00.000-04:00

It is the simple pleasures in life that make it worth living. Sunday, I had a nice long conversation with my cousin, Lea, on the phone. We were discussing our futures, and what we want most out of life. It's obvious that we've managed to grow up a bit, compared to how we used to talk at our old sleep overs. For once, the first thing mentioned was not "I want a good looking husband with a good job." Shockingly, that was the last thing brought up. We agreed on pretty much everything. At the moment we both want decent paying jobs in fields that we love. I would be a school psychologist, and she would be working in a nice nursing home. We both want to move closer to the shore, but we no longer feel that we have to live right on the beach in a huge home with a lot of land. Instead we just want a little condo, one like the one we stayed at this summer would be ideal: 3 bedrooms, a living room/dinning room, kitchen, and a bathroom. That's it, that's all we need, the nifty loft thing that place had was cool, but not a necessity. The best thing about a condo like that, is that there would be no yard work, but you'd still have a pool. That's what would suck about the huge house with a ton of land: a lot of yard work, and a hell of a lot of cleaning. We wouldn't actually want to be on the coast anymore. That would make the cost of living there sky rocket. We'd just want to be a decent drive away. We're thinking 45 minutes away from it maximum, that's how long we have to drive to get to the mall or a decent movie theater now. We even joked about moving into the perfect little condo together, then getting a nice tank of salt water fish and a cat or two. Who knows? Maybe someday we will actually do that, after we've both got enough money set aside to risk leaving home. This led to us joking about becoming old cat ladies, since neither of us have even come close to finding a guy who would be a good match for us yet.

We came to some interesting conclusions about guys though. First of all, neither of us dream of having the super hot hunk anymore. We wouldn't feel fully comfortable with a total hottie anymore, especially with how introverted, and not entirely social we are. He'd be bound to cheat on us, if he were capable of it. Second, we don't care much about the pay check anymore. We want him to work and make money, but we a re two independent women. We'd want to be able to support ourselves. Finally, I shocked myself by realizing that as many times as I've said, "I'll never marry a guy like dad who's away half the time", that's actually the type of guy who'd be ideal for both of us. We're nice, friendly girls, and we aren't totally anti-social. However, we both like our space, and like to be alone at times. We need men who would actually leave once in a while: a truck driver, pilot, member of the armed forces, business man, etc. Basically the perfect guy went from the rich, well built, pampering, dream boat, to being a nice, humorous, attractive (as in, he takes care of himself and dresses decently), trusting, and able to trust guy who leaves the house for a few nights every now and then. A nice, sweet, caring nerd would be perfect for me.

It's kind of sad that we went from wanting everything, to wanting very little actually. I went from wanting to be a rich psychiatrist, with a huge house on the beach, a pool, a great car, and a hunk of a husband, to wanting to be a decently paid school psychologist, with a nice cozy little condo, a nice Jetta, and a sweet nerd of a husband (if I get married at all). But that's how life goes, you live, you learn, and your goals and dreams hopefully change. If I still wanted the same things now as a sophomore in college, as I did when I was a sophomore in high school, I'd be a bit concerned about myself.

I'm looking forward to my cute little condo though, it's not that far out of reach. 2 more years of undergrad work, 1 year of grad work, maybe a year long internship, and I'm there. That's only 4 more years. And we all know how quickly 4 years can pass by.

Pro-Gunners: Pay Attention Please

2007-04-16T22:27:00.000-04:00

I'm sure that by now, all of my potential readers have heard about the Virginia Tech Massacre. If not, where have you been? Turn on the TV or radio and you'll hear all about it. It was the deadliest mass shooting in our nation's history. The sad thing is, this is the fourth one to occur during this school year. There was one at a college in Canada, the Amish School House Shooting (that one hit close to home), and the other one (I forget the location). Those are just the ones that I've heard about. Most of these shooting, unless they happen on a very large scale (like this one), or are very unexpected and unusual (the Amish one), they get very little media attention (like the third one mentioned). Those are only a small fraction of shooting crimes that occur in this country. There is so much useless bloodshed. Most other industrialized nations have been using gun control for quite some time now. The result: a dramatic reduction in their amounts of shooting crimes (duh!). It thrills me to hear this being brought up in the news. Unfortunately, those comments are usually followed by stating the fact that those countries also have a rise in stabbings as a result. Honestly, it's a trade I'd be willing to make. Think about it, had that guy today gone into Virginia Tech with a knife, most likely less people would have died, and much less would have been injured. With a gun, you can stand at a distance, and then just point and pull the trigger. Just standing in the doorway that man was able to shoot an entire class. With a knife, you've got to get in close, and the victim at least has a chance to run, or fight the attacker off.

Another group that needs to be paying attention is the campus security at most colleges and universities. The regulations regarding who is permitted on campus, where they are allowed to go on campus, and what to do in an emergency like this are all quite lacking. Heck, Melissa stayed over the weekend once back in January, and I didn't even need to have her register anywhere, and I'm fairly certain that they never would have noticed her car.

So yeah, basically this whole incident has me rather fired up. It could have easily been avoided, had the proper people taken a good hard look at the past, and try to prevent it from repeating itself. Schools have been a target for this sort of thing since Columbine, which I believe happened while we were still in elementary school. Now, here at college, it's so reassuring to see that it had no effect, what-so-ever on school security.

My Thoughts of Theology... Part 1

2007-04-16T17:14:00.000-04:00

I had and interesting theological conversation with a co-worker today. We discussed aspects of this college and it's students which tend to bother us. Girls professing their love of God and desire to serve Him, while half their chest is exposed. Kids pretending to be model citizens just to spend their weekends whoring around and getting horribly drunk, and Christians who praise God's name on Sundays, and the rest of the week defile their mouths with curse words.

My definition of Christianity, is that it's a way of life, formed by a love for our creator. This love is shown by living in a manner that would be pleasing to Him. Christianity is NOT an activity reserved for Sundays alone, nor is it an attitude that causes one to act in an "holier than thou" manner. If you forget God the rest of the week, or if you view non-believers as being inferior to you, then somewhere you've gotten Jesus' message horribly wrong.

The main problem with today's "Christians" is that they are mostly 2nd generation Christians. They grew up going to church every Sunday, and attending youth group every Wednesday. It was never their choice, it was just what they were expected to do. And there is nothing wrong with raising your children like this, but it is so important to make sure that they understand why they are expected to do this, and when they reach the proper age, let them make their own decisions. For a lot of the "Christians" I run into here, all church is, is just a routine they go through on Sundays. It just a habit they've got. They have failed to integrate Christianity into the rest of their lives. When you understand what the faith is about, it'll slowly help you adapt into living a life God might approve of. The thing to understand is that moderation is the key. Most people are afraid that following God means giving up everything enjoyable about life. This is not true. Most everything is alright, as long as it isn't taken to excess.

Obviously, I quite enjoyed today's shift at work.

Craziness

2007-04-15T10:22:00.000-04:00

There are 29 days left before summer vacation begins. I am estatic. Then three months of working at Weavers everyday... such fun. If you can't tell, I'm being slightly sarcastic, but that doesn't mean that I'm not looking forward to my break. Three months of hanging out with Jennings, and other friends from home, and playing with my baby sister. I also plan on spending a LOT of time at the Rec Center.

Needless to say, there's a lot I want to achieve this summer. First of all, I want to finish painting and reorganizing my bedroom. I hope to get most of the reorganizing done before even moving back home, the painting I want done before June. Another major goal of mine is to lose some of the extra weight I've been lugging about. I'm pretty sure that if I continue with what I have been doing, that goal shouldn't be too hard to reach. I want to read through all of my Kerouac books, in order. I do want to be working as much as I possibly can, so that I can contribute more to paying my tuition next year than I have been lately. I also hope to visit all of the following: Kaylee, Michelle and her baby, and Lea. The only thing that shall suck about this summer is that Melissa won't even be in the same state.

Then next year, when I return to school, I'll be living in Fry appartments with my new roommates. I am so looking forward to it. I also have a semester full of psych classes. Yay!

Chocolate Bunny Rabbits and Hearing God's Voice

2007-04-12T16:13:00.000-04:00

One of my goals in life is to become a better Christian, as well as a better person. Part of doing this, is trying to be conscious of, and giving thanks for, things and people I usually take for granted. The people who help you in little ways all the time, yet you hardly recognize it. Today, I give thanks for my mommy. I no longer need to fully rely on her for everything, yet she still does so much for me that I don't recognize always. She used to be my chauffeur, chef, maid, etc. I now drive (and usually wind up running errands for her), usually like to do my own cooking, and for the most part, I've learned to clean up after myself. I like to consider myself to be pretty self-sufficient. But i must recognize the fact that she still does a heck of a lot for me. She provides me with a beautiful home in which to live (She has a bit of a green thumb), she tries to cook a least one big meal that I love while I'm home on break (usually my marinated pork chops), reminds me of things when I'm in my scatter brained mode, and she's always there for me when I need someone to talk to. My mom has honestly progressed to the point of being as much my friend as she is my mom. The main reason I'm writing this now though, is because I'm eating a chocolate bunny she made me, filled with that delicious sweet vanilla and cream cheese filling she makes. If you've ever had the privilege to taste my mommy's home made candy, you know what I mean. Basically my mom rocks, and does a great job of still showing me that she loves me (which ties in with the second half of this entry), without doing it in an overly maternal manner, which makes her even cooler. Anyone reading this, I demand that you get up right now, and go hug your mother.

Today, in one of my classes, we discussed hearing God's voice in our lives. I've decided to grace you with my ideas on this. Personally, I find it blasphemous when people use God as an excuse. "I didn't do my homework last night because God told me that it was more important for me to comfort a hurting friend of mine." I do not recommend ever saying anything like that around me. I think God can influence us, and direct us in life, but you feel Him more that you hear Him. When I feel passionately about something, I take into consideration that that might be God nudging me to do something about it. God's "speech" with us, is almost completely non-verbal. Those were my thoughts when I started writing up my journal before the discussion. While writing it though I came to a different conclusion about hearing God's voice. As stated before, God is love. And I would be referring to love as it is described in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 verses 4-6:
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it's own way; it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice in wrong doing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
I consider this to be a description of God, as well as a goal for how we are to try to live our lives. With that in mind, whenever we are treated with love, kindness, and respect. like in the verse mentioned, I believe that we are, in a way, hearing the voice of God. When someone makes you feel good about yourself, and treats you how you deserve to be treated, that right there, is God's voice. Along those lines, when you treat others with love and respect, you are also helping them to hear God's voice as well. Basic moral here: Love one another as you love yourself (I have no clue what verse that is).

Because I Have Too Much Energy To Sleep

2007-04-09T22:19:00.000-04:00

Finish the sentences. Some may be uncomfortable, but you'll manage.

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss was....
blahhhh....

2. I am listening to...
Nickle Creek of course... "Best of Luck".

3.I talk...
Either too much or not enough depending on who I'm with.

4. I love...
Men, my puppy, Iago, and most everything about my life at the moment.

5. My best friends...
Are some pretty awesome people, and I'd go nuts without them.

6.My car is...
A piece of junk, but I still love it.

7.My love life...
Is non-existant.

8. I hate it when people say...
You need a man/ you need laid.

9. Love is...
Something that sometime I'm not sure really exists.

10. Marriage is...
Something I don't see in my near future, thus I do not think about it.

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking...
Being this bored should be illegal.

12. I'm always...
Over-analyzing EVERYTHING.

13. I have a secret cheesy crush...
On a few celebrities (Sean Watkins at the moment) and HIM of course (see last post).

15. When I wake up in the morning...
My hair sticks straight out.

16. When I go to bed at night...
I never sleep with pillows.

17. Right now I am thinking about...
Sean Watkins and HIM of course, thanks to this survey... nice thoughts really.

18. Babies are...
Wonderful, as long as I can hand them back to their mother.

19. I get on myspace....
Daily.

20. Today I.....
Watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Julie, and I can't think of a better way to have spent my day.

21. Tonight I will...
Do some reading and sleep.

22. Tomorrow I will....
Work on my essay, go to class, and hit the gym.

23. I really want to be...
Content in life.

24. Someone that will most likely repost this is...
I don't think anyone will.

25. Which one of your top friends would you have sex with?
umm... none.

I Have Issues and am in Need of SERIOUS Therapy

2007-04-09T19:19:00.000-04:00

What a weekend... what a positively lovely weekend. I finished off totally cleaning out and reorganizing my room, all that's left is for me to paint. I've lost a bit of weight these past few weeks, which has me ecstatic. I think I'm going to head out shopping soon and buy some good diet food, like Special K. On Saturday I hung out with Jennings. We went shopping, and being the big spenders that we are, we bought lip gloss... lol. Then on Sunday, after church I went to visit Melissa. I learned how to milk a goat, which was kind of cool, once you got the hang of it. We went out for Chinese then and talked for a while. Talked to Lea on the phone after that, and got all the recent updates on like in Tennessee. Today was a bit of a lazy day. I got up around noon, went to the Rec, and then played with Julie until supper. After that, I returned to school. So that is my little quick and dirty update. If you've been wondering about the title of this post, I'm about to get to that. After I return from shopping. I've got too much pent up energy to sit here and type any more. I feel like I've drunk like, 10 cups of coffee, when I haven't touched anything caffeinated all day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's about an hour later. I bought two types of Special K, and some veggie chips and salsa. Soooo... back to the fact that I need therapy. I saw HIM today. Yeah... that's right, HIM! The guy I was totally nuts about around this time last year. He looks as fine as he did back then. And he is single now too... yes I looked up his MySpace to verify that. He says he's looking for a rich Sugar Mama... just wait until I have my master's...

So yeah... I know the guy is scum. He'd never treat me right most likely. Would probably cheat on me. But I just can't let go of that damned crush. I see him and my heart goes all fluttery. Oh course, it's a purely physical and animalistic attraction, and nothing would ever come out of it, except for possibly some sinful pleasures of the flesh. That's just the effect this guy has got on me. Sad and pathetic I know, but i can't help it. And the energy my encounter with him has given me is unbelievable. Get me help, get me help NOW!

Run Away

2007-04-03T16:59:00.000-04:00

So, I've got two days until leaving for Easter break. Yay! Dear God I hope I can make it. I need an escape from the Messiah College bubble quite desperately. I doing my laundry tonight, and going shopping tomorrow. After the shopping I'm packing my bag for home. Also, I'm filling my suitcase and laundry basket with stuff i don't think I'll be using for the next month. Meaning all winter clothes, jewelry making supplies, and a good amount of my books, DVDs, and other junk. I'm hoping to go home another weekend or two before the end of the year, on my final trip, I only have my bedding, a few outfits, and my computer to drag home yet.

Over break, I plan on getting some much needed rest and relaxation. I hope to hang out with Jennings on Saturday, and Melissa either Friday night or Sunday after church. Weaver's hasn't called, so I don't think I'll be working any.

*sigh* I can't wait for summer. While it will suck that I won't be seeing Melissa much. I hope to be working nearly full time, if not full time at Weavers, and who knows? I might get a part time position somewhere else too. Also, I plan on volunteering with the youth at my church too.

Next year should be interesting. I've got an apartment with 4 other girls, all of whom are very nice, energetic, and out going. While I am an introvert and a bit of a hermit, I think this will still be a good set up for me. Hopefully, they'll help pull me out of my shell a bit. My social life here really could use a boost.

So yeah, there's your update for the day. Toodles.

Heaps

2007-04-01T18:50:00.000-04:00

Pastor Brian Smith spoke at chapel on Tuesday. As usual, I found his message to be very profound and meaningful. Also, as is usual, we got a small lesson in ancient Hebrew. He showed us the word for congregation, which was also the same word for heap. Which, in the first churches, the worshipers probably were in more of a heap, than what our churches are like now. The word was made up of three letters, which he took apart. The first letter, was also the same first letter that the word for "the righteous ones" is spelled with. The second letter, is also the first letter for "those in the middle". The last letter, is the same letter for "sinner". All three of those parts are absolutely necessary for a congregation. You need the righteous ones to lead, the sinners for them to preach to, and since there is no black and white in this world, you also need those in the middle. No one stays in one position all their lives either. Someone may be a righteous one at the peak of the heap, until they face a crisis, and slide down to the sinners. Hopefully though, they manage to climb their way up again. It was also pointed out that nobody knows their exact standing with God either. You may consider yourself a righteous one, but God may see you as a sinner. The opposite is also true.

I really wish I could get my hands on a recording of that sermon, it was just so great. A lot of Christians I know, fall into the trad of getting it into their heads that they are "righteous" and become arrogant about it. In my mind, that arrogance puts you on the bottom of the heap with the sinners. I also know several "righteous" Christians who refuse to associate with anyone they don't consider to be up at their level. They don't find the rest of our world to be worth saving, and seem to have little compassion for their fellow man. I do not view this world to just be a quick stopping point before heading on to the after life. Something we just have to endure before moving on. Why would God put us here if there is no reason for it? I like to think that we are here as more of a test. We should attempt to make this world a better place when we leave it, then what it was when we came. It doesn't matter how small the change is. And that task involves mixing with the sinners, trying to understand them, and trying to help them. Sometimes all they need is a good loving influence to enter their lives, and actually care about them.

Anyhow, that's just some food for thought.

What is Love? Part 3... One is the loneliest number

2007-04-01T18:29:00.000-04:00

... or is it?

I have to question that sometimes. At the moment, it seems that almost everyone I associate is in love, except for me. My sister just got engaged, a few of my cousins are about to get married, pretty much all of my friends are in relationships at the moment, yet I am totally and utterly alone. I have yet to meet a guy here that I consider at all worth my while. Some of my friends ask if I'm lonely, others try to hook me up with someone, and I appreciate their concern.

However, to be perfectly honest, I'm not lonely. Sometimes I would like a little romance in my life, but right now, I'm perfectly content to be single. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I'm not ever considering a serious relationship until I've got my master's degree. People call me weird, but thankfully, today my dear cousin Lea called, who is one of the few people out there who seems to understand the way I think. While some would think of us as being cold hearted bitches, we've both been around long enough to see way too many people make some serious and lasting mistakes in the name of love. We both have enough love and respect for ourselves to realize that being alone, is 100 times better than being in a horrible relationship. Besides, we've got big plans for our selves, and don't need guys to come into the picture and potentially mess it up. I just wish more people would realize that one is most definitely not the most lonely number, as long as you've got half a brain, good friends, and a little self respect.

Where Have All My Intellectual Thoughts Gone?

2007-04-01T18:08:00.000-04:00

I was just asked this question my the wonderful Jessica Jennings.
The answer: I'm not entirely sure. Thus the reason I haven't been updating this thing as often as I used to. I have NOTHING to write about. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I've been a little sick lately. Changing seasons = a sinus infection. It's messing with my sleeping, and when I do manage to sleep, my roommate claims that I both talk and sing.

The past week has been rather boring, except for the fact that my housing woes for next year have hopefully been resolved. I was planning on getting a two person dorm with Kaelee, however, she decided not to remain here at Messiah, as we all already know. A friend of mine needed to find a few other people to fill up a 5 person apartment so I shall hopefully be in an apartment with 4 other girls next year. We are all getting together tonight to talk and make sure that we wont have any personality clashes.

I also think that I've got my schedule figured out for next semester. MWF I shall have Social Psychology fro 9-9:50 and Experimental Psychology from 12-12:50. TR I shall have the Biological Basis for Behavior from 10:30-11:45, Counseling Theories from 11:55 to 1:10, and Group Dynamics from 1:20-2:35. Yes, that is right, an entire semester of only psych courses, and not one general education requirement.

I spent the past weekend at home; however, I neglected to mention it to anyone. I finally got my room rearranged and looking decent. This summer, after living in this house for 2 years, I shall finally paint it a nice color! Yesterday, I also talked my mom into buying a new fish for the Koi pond. This Koi is so awesome and unique, I will try to post some pictures of it soon.

So for those regular readers out there, that is my quick little update. I shall try to keep this updated more often. Stay tuned... I've got two more entries, of a more deep nature, that I plan to type up and post very soon, possibly tonight yet.

My ABCs

2007-03-27T20:25:00.000-04:00

[A]- AVAILABLE:
Yes

[B]- BIRTHDAY:
March 12

[C] - CRUSHING?
Absolutely =)

[D] - DRINK YOU LAST HAD:
Turkey Hill Lime Tea

[E] - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO:
Melissa, Lea, Mommy, and Jennings.

[F] - FAVORITE MUSIC GROUP/BAND/SINGER:
hmm... this is a tough one. I guess I'll go with Nickle Creek.

[G] - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS:
Gummy Worms. =)

[H]- HOMETOWN:
Denver PA

[I]- INSTRUMENT(s)
I can play the piano a little.

[J] - JUICE:
lol, strawberry kiwi flavored carrot juice. Yes, i know, I'm weird.

[K] - KILLED SOMEONE:
only in videogames.

[L] - LONGEST CAR RIDE:
Well, I've been to California and back in my dad's truck several times if that counts. That would be about a week. If not, I think the longest has been 20 hours.

[M] - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR:
Cherry milkshakes from Kountry Korner with real cherries in it.

[N] - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS:
2

[O] - ONE WISH:
Happiness

[P] - PERSON WHO YOU CALLED LAST:
Lea

[R] - REASONS TO SMILE:
Beautiful sunny days, butterflies, my baby sis, my dog, good music, good theological or philosophical conversations, my koi pond, and Jack Kerouac novels.

[S] - SONG YOU LAST HEARD:
Running down a dream- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

[T] - TIME YOU WOKE UP:
8am

[U] - UNDERWEAR:
black lace boyshorts

[V] - VEGETABLES:
Broccoli (mmm...)

[W]- WORST HABIT:
Chewing on pens and pencils.

[X] - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD:
I've had a few done on my mouth while I had my braces.

[Y] - YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL:
Girraffes

[Z]- ZODIAC SIGN:
Pices

Spring Break... Didn't Do a Thing!

2007-03-25T17:42:00.000-04:00

I have just returned from spring break, and what a break it was. I worked hard, and often. I also got my car inspected, which cost me about $256. I re watched Red Dragon, Silence of the Lambs, and Memoirs of a Geisha. Aside from hanging out with Melissa yesterday, I had no social life over break outside of work. I bought what looked like a positively adorable Easter outfit. One of those kimono tops that is so popular right now in navy blue, sky blue, and pale yellow. I made the mistake of not trying it on in the store, put it on at home and discovered that I look pregnant in it. My breasts look a few sizes bigger in it, and it puffs out a little at my tummy. So I stopped to return it today on the way back. I decided that I will get my self a new black blouse, white Capri's, cute black sandals, and a gorgeous white scarf with black polka dots I've been lusting after. Your supposed to wear bright colorful and cheerful clothes at Easter, but I've decided that it is alright to go against tradition here.

So, I'm looking at my schedule for this week. It promises to be the week from Hell.
Tonight- working 8-12
Monday- Classes from 8-11:30, working 12-3, self defense from 7-9
Tuesday- Chapel 9:30-10:30, class 2-3:30, chapel 7-8, chapel 8-9
Wednesday- Classes from 8-11:30, working 12-3, chapel 5:30-6:30, chapel 7-8
Thursday- Chapel 9:30-10:30, class 2-3:30
Friday- Classes from 8-11:30, working 5-9

It doesn't look so bad; however, throw in the numerous essays I have to write and it becomes pure Hell.

Gorgeousness

2007-03-13T21:25:00.000-04:00

My God it was beautiful outside again today. The weather man warns us that it will not last, and as far as I'm concerned that man can die a long, slow, painful death. It was a wonderful preview of spring time. Warm enough that a t-shirt and jeans were fine, no jacket needed. It was sunny, with hardly any clouds in the sky, the birds were about, and there was a slight breeze. It made me happy. I spent my afternoon down by the creek studying and reading, and just enjoying it all. Then I headed over to the mall, more for the sake of driving, than actually shopping. Had the windows down, the sunroof back, and my Eric Clapton CD playing rather loudly. It was wonderful. Gave me tons of energy too, went to the gym and ran 4 miles on the treadmill, which is a rare thing for me indeed. I need to try and keep that up. Basically, today was just freaking awesome!

Happy Birthday to Me...

2007-03-12T21:25:00.000-04:00

It was my birthday today, and oh what a lovely day it was. First of all, the weather was lovely, and almost spring-like. A coat was most definitely not needed. It was sunny, and just perfect. I opened my present for my sisters, which was the second season of the Golden Girls on DVD, I now have the first three seasons. My classes today were not at all bad. In my psych class we discussed testing, which is a very cool subject as far as I'm concerned. In Spanish, we got our tests back today, and I didn't do too badly. I got a B, and considering how I suck at Spanish, I will not be complaining. I also got my test back in my stats class... OMG! I did way better than anticipated. I got a perfect score. Needless to say, I was stunned. I was a little nervous about that one, due to the fact that I was finished within 15 minutes of starting; however, most of the class took longer than our 1 hour class period. I was certain that I had seriously messed up somewhere. But, yeah, perfect score, so I'm thrilled! After that, my roommate and I went to the Olive Garden. I got the Chicken Alfredo, which was excellent. I also got a tiny chocolate cake and had the waiters sing to me, at the request of my roommate... lol. Then this evening Jennings came to visit me, and we watched Hannibal. It was good, and hanging out with Jennings is always great. Unfortunately, Red Dragon remains my favorite of the series.

This weekend was great too. On Saturday my roommate and I went to see 300, which is even better than the previews make it out to be. After that we went to Issac's... I recommend the twisted chicken sandwich. On Sunday my parents came to see me, and took me and my older sister out to Garfield's for dinner. I recommend the Bourbon chicken platter there. So yeah, add to that the fact that my mom made me whoopie pies, I've still got half the cake from the olive garden, Julie's girl scout cookies are in, and Jess brought me brownies and peeps. I lost weight last week, and I think I've gained it all, plus a little, back already. Tomorrow I'm starting a very strict exercise routine and diet. I'm hoping to slim down and tone up a little by summer.

*sigh* seriously though, it's been a lovely day.

Wizards

2007-03-10T09:52:00.000-05:00

I found this old conversation regarding a piece of art on my message board just a few minutes ago. I find it absolutely hysterical, so I'm posting it. Bwahahaha... this "anonymous" person is going to kill me.

Anonymous: Another one that i started and haven't finished yet...oh well...hopefully some day i will get all of these done...tho i know i won't...

Me: umm.... is that supposed to be who i think it is?

Anonymous: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: But it really really looks like him.

Anonymous: that doesn't look anything like him! your seeing things...

Me: I don't think so... I think you are drawing him.

Anonymous: I was not drawing him...i wouldn't draw him....you just say that because of the long hair and facial hair...but look at a wizard..when have you ever saw a wizard with short hair and clean shaven....my wizard just happens to look young...i didn't draw him!!!

Me: Uh-huh... sure... I believe you... lol...

Anonymous: i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't .....i would not draw him....your just seeing things, you know what it is, you want to SEE that its him so that you can say i did try to draw him when i didn't so you could laugh at me for it!!! you mean person!!

Me: I'm not trying to be mean... but you have to admit that it really looks like him. What am I supposed to think?

Anonymous: if it wasn't for the hair you would never have said anything...besides, i did draw him once, and i might say, it was pretty good, so if i wanted to draw him again i could and it would have looked like him, that doesn't look like him at all

And the conversation continues from there. I smile when I read this because it reminds me of happier and more innocent times... *sigh* some days I would kill to have that back.

Rapture and Bliss

2007-03-09T22:31:00.000-05:00

So my mother called me today. Apparently my little sister was complaining the other day about how my father makes her wear an undershirt, she said it feels like there is a boa constrictor underneath her shirt. My mom informed Julie that she better get over that, because in only a few short years, she'll need to start wearing a bra. Julie's response: Well I hope the rapture happens before then!

That story has totally made my day! It's just too cute. Julie is in the 3rd grade, as I recall, I started needing a bra when I was in the 5th grade (I was an early developer), so that dreaded day might be approaching faster than Julie thinks. As the same time though, our older sister was a late developer and has yet to develop any curvature, so who knows?

Speaking of curves, I'm thinking of going out and buying that shirt I've been lusting over from Express tomorrow. The neckline is great, and will make a fabulous display for the necklace I want to make to match the shirt. Unfortunately, I finally looked up what the parts for it would cost, which is around $30. Can you say "ouch"? That's just flat out painful. But what can I say, I'm totally worth it. Though, I'm still considering going with the much cheaper black ribbon, bows, and pearls idea.

Have I also mentioned my plans for growing my hair out? I want to grow it long enough to pull back and then clip up. As much as I've been wearing my glasses lately, as opposed to my contacts, I've decided to complete the whole bookish librarian look. Add the hair and glasses to my usually "classic" looking wardrobe, and the look will be complete.

Anyways... I'm in a good mood tonight. I took two tests today, and I think I did decently on both of them. Work wasn't bad at all for once, the shift went by rather quickly. Also, I had a nice peaceful evening watching Bones, stand-up, working out, and talking to Lea. 'Twas pure blissfulness. I'm also happy because I got some birthday cards in the mail today, and my mom told that my parents are planning to take me out to eat on Sunday. I've even got plans for my birthday for once, on Monday my roommate and I are going to the Olive Garden, and hopefully in the evening I'll be watching Hannibal with Jennings. I think I'm gonna go curl up with my newest Kerouac book Dr. Sax for a while, after that, my night will have been perfect and I shall be off to bed.

To clarify that I haven't died quite yet...

2007-03-07T17:23:00.000-05:00

I love it, can't come up with something intelligent to say for a week, so I just don't post anything... then I get an IM asking if I'm still alive. Yay! I feel so loved!

So yeah, I need to update, but I don't know quite what to say. Not much has happened for me to blog about. I went home this past weekend, which was mostly nice. I got to hang out with Melissa on friday, and also ran into Jessica J. and Chelsie. I even got to see Jessica's prospective man. What a cutie... if she doesn't want him, I'll take him. lol. Sunday I went shopping, and bought some beads to make Julie a necklace to go with her easter dress. I also went to the book store and bought three new Kerouac books: Dr. Sax, the Subterrarians, and the Dharma Bums. I've started Dr. Sax and so far it seems awesome. As for Julie's necklace, I've basically got it finished, just need to adjust the length a little once I've got her neck to compare it with. I'm tempted to keep it for myself though, it's very cute. I think Julie and I will have matching easter jewelry again. I've also made the difficult decision to grown my hair out. I think I'm going to grow it to about shoulder length, still a little layered and flipped out at the ends. Add to that my new diet, that I've going to become much stricter with, and my new exercise routine, and I should be looking pretty damned fine by this summer.

Roller Coasters and See-Saws

2007-02-27T23:48:00.000-05:00

My older sister likes to say that life is like a roller coaster. I have to say that I think she's right. My life has enough ups and downs that even the worlds greatest thrill seeker would become quite ill on my own personal roller coaster. Usually half my day winds up being up, and the other half winds up being down. If I have a good morning, the evening is bound to suck. If my morning is one of those where I have to wonder why I got our of bed, I know my evening is gonna be great. There are periods in my life where time just flies by. A month will pass without me ever noticing. January and February have both been like that. Then there are also times when time comes to a screeching halt, and the days last forever, that would have been my December. The way in which my life most resembles a roller coaster though, is the fact that I've got no clue where I'm headed. I know what my final destination will be, but the path to get there is a mystery to me. It's like when you look at a roller coaster. It's just a jumbled up pile of track. When you get on it, unless you've been on this coaster before, you can only see a little bit of the path ahead of you, but you have no idea what is just beyond that hill or curve.

So yeah, life is a roller coaster, but at the same time, friendship is much like a see-saw. Well for my friendship with Melissa anyway. I don't think it's like this for most other people. Throughout high school, I was the conservative, well behaved, christian girl. Melissa was the off beat hippie, animal lover, who always had to swim against the current. During the past semester, we managed to switch places. Suddenly I'm the one who questions everything (though at the moment I'm still a Christian), I'm thinking of becoming a vegetarian, and I'm now a total pacifist. Melissa just joined the Army reserves, supports Bush, is eating meat, and is considering getting baptised. To quote an earlier conversation:

Me: lol... it's like out general spirits have decided to swap bodies.
Melissa: But think about it... I used to be left, and you were right. Now I'm right, and you are left. At some point, when we were changing over, we had to have passed each other.
Me: True, at some very short point we must have agreed.
Melissa: When?
Me: I don't know, it must have been one of those weeks when we were really busy and didn't talk to each other.
Melissa: Damn it! Why didn't we talk that week? For once we would have agreed, and it would have rocked.
Me: I don't know... I don't think we would be able to handle a conversation like that.
Melissa: True. It probably would have been very awkward.

Life, Obsessions, Sex, Sin, and Love

2007-02-27T18:56:00.000-05:00

Be ready for a very long and slightly disconnected, incoherent rambling session.

First of all, a quick update on where life currently finds me:
Shockingly, I think I'm currently more content and satisfied in my life, than I have been for quite some time. I've been doing a lot of soul searching and self exploration, and that tends to leave me feeling pretty damned good. Basically I've done another inventory of my beliefs and values, and decided if I still consider them valid. I've changed my opinions on some things a little bit. What's funny, is that this Created and Called for the Community class has really helped me out. And here I thought it'd be a waste of my time! At some point in the near future, I promise I'll post some pictures of my creation project and my "artist's statement" about it. Basically I came to the conclusion that despite the fact that I think it just isn't humanly possible for any of us to ever fully comprehend anything about the power or love of God, and obviously we'll never know how He created the universe, we do know that He created it. He created it with love, and basically everything in this universe is one. We may view ourselves, or different groups, as being singular units, but we aren't. The whole of God's creation, is greater than the sum of it's parts. I've also come to some interesting conclusions about the nature of sin, but I'll get into that later. I'm still loving all of my classes, except for Spanish. Self Defence is great! It's got me wanting to take a Martial Arts class over the summer. It's also motivated me to start working out again. Yesterday I ran 1.5 miles, and today I did a little strength training. Also, due to my creation project, my creative side as been reawakened. There are so many projects I suddenly fell like diving into!!! So yeah, I've been pretty happy lately. My social life has been a little lacking lately, still mostly due to Kaelee leaving me. Oh, and Melissa joined the Army Reserves. I'll hold off on posting my opinion of that. It makes me sad though.

On the subject of Obsessions:
I picked this up from the wonderful Jessica Jenning's blog. It speaks to me... lol... in fact it reminds me of a conversation I had with Melissa not too utterly long ago:

Ok FEELINGS time: Obviously as you can tell I'm back to being OBSESSED with a dumb "boy". I hate it, kind of. And I know I should just relax and take things as they come (ha) but I'm messed up in the head and get SOOO involved in it (and "it" doesn't even exist) and then when it comes down to actually taking action and doing something about it I don't want to and I choke and can't speak. Maybe it's like we're learning in Philosophy...I WANT something but I know when I get it it won't be what I was expecting and then I'll be disappointed. Therefore it's much more exciting to THINK about it, right? I need to stop being such a wuss, basically haha.

Basically I think Jess has us pegged. She speaks the truth. We are afraid of getting into something, just to find out that it's not at all what we had expected. Therefore we avoid commitment like the plague. But at the same time, we enjoy the thought of it, so we just obsess. We try to kill the thoughts sometimes, but it's impossible, our thought will always drift back to the current obsession, because it's just wonderful. Our relationship with the guy in our head is perfect, but we won't ever act on the feelings, because we know that perfection in a relationship is impossible. So we dream, sigh sadly, and then return to reality. I think it's the curse of the introverted individual. I'm not sure how it is for her, but I've got an exceptionally hard time opening up to people, aside from a select few, who I click with automatically. Of course I relate to her current issue so well, because I've just been through something unbelievably similar myself. *sighs and slips back into her dream world for a little*

Sinfulness and the need for a good balanced life.:
What is sin? I know the Bible gives us certain examples, but sometimes I still have to wonder. Let's look at the supposed seven deadly sins:

1. Sloth
2. Greed
3. Jealousy
4. Gluttony
5. Lust
6. Anger
7. Pride

Yes, a life filled too much with any of these is a sad one, one that is not worth living. But the same is true fore a life totally devoid of them. Can you imagine a life without an once of pride? You wouldn't have any drive to take care of yourself. Everything in life, needs to be balanced. Aggression, lust, love, pride, selfishness, etc. I swear, I'm gonna hit the next person to say "you know feeling _____ is a sin." It probably is if there is too much of it, but a little is most likely a necessity for life. So that is the current state of my spiritual side. Just don't tell my pastor.

I <3 Stephen Colbert

2007-02-26T14:35:00.000-05:00

My roommate and I are watching a rerun of the Chinese New Years episode of the Colbert Report. It's so hysterical, I feel the need to share my favorite quotes from the show. It shows our ignorance as Americans so beautifully. I didn't get it word for word, nor do these quote reflect my personal opinion in any way, shape, or form. I just find them pretty darn funny.

"China has been making our cheap crap for years... but now they're even making our NICE crap."

"China's even #1 in executions! Come on America! Texas can't do this on it's own. Perhaps if you other states chipped in, they wouldn't have to execute the mentally handicapped."

"The word of the day today is Frenemy: China is our frenemy. They are our friends because, look at these tube socks! Also, they sell us stuff cheap, and lend us money. They are our enemy because they're hoarding our resources, and are inhumane. Mostly they are our friend, because they are our enemy. We haven't had a good old fashioned enemy since the Cold War. China can be our new Russia!"

"It's good for us to out source our jobs to China, because eventually the only jobs left for them to take will be the ones we Americans just won't do. So the Mexicans will follow those jobs over to China, and be confronted with their 2000 year old anti-immigration technology."

"The Chinese one child policy is their way of preventing a little thing called sibling rivalry."

"China- 5 words or less: Well, it's a big country... ok... that was 5 words."

"One question for you: Great Wall or the greatest wall?"

"In order to keep up with China population-wise, we are going to have to breed like mormon squirrles. China has a 1 child policy, tonight I'm introducing our new 8 child policy. After the show, don't turn over, and go to sleep. Turn on and go to town. If you have a headache just close your eyes and picture China. Now to help you get into the mood, I'm changing the image in my fire place into some soft porn."

Randomness Due to Boredom

2007-02-26T11:34:00.000-05:00

40 of the MOST Random Questions Ever.
BE HONEST
Suprise suprise, there are missing questions.

1. Where were you 6 hours ago?
Just stepping into the shower *sigh* I hate mondays.

2. Who will be your next kiss?
I haven't a clue.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Absolutely!

4. When is the last time you went to the mall?
Over a month ago, with Melissa when she came to visit me.

5. Are you wearing socks right now?
Of course. I always wear either socks or slippers, unless it's bedtime.

6. When was the last time you went out of the state?
When we went to Stone Harbor NJ, back in July. *sigh* I can't wait to get back there.

8. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Strawberry Kiwi flavored Carrot juice, which is shockingly good. Mmmmmmm

9. What are you wearing right now?
Green sweater and jeans, with my gold beaded necklace.

10. What was your last purchase?
lol... yogurt and flavored water from Target. Which is what I practically live on at times.

11. Last food you ate?
Banana nut bread. mmmmm....

12. When was the last time you were upset?
My sister had me a had annoyed last weekend.

13. Have you ever seen a famous person?
At concerts.

14. Do you have a pet?
A yellow lab named Sparky, and a homocidal goldfish named Iago. You couldn't ask for a sweeter dog or a funnier goldfish.

15. What's the last sporting event you watched?
Umm... I can't remember... I guess that shows how increadibly long it's been.

16. What is your favorite class(es)?
I like everything but Spanish.

17. Who are your favorite people in those classes?
Umm... am I supposed to have favorites?

18. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?
At a craft store picking out the beads for my next project. =)

19. What is the last thing you purchased online?
Nothing.

20. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
To have just the slightest little bit of social skills.

21. Do you miss anyone?
My baby sis and my puppy.

22. Last play you saw????
Anything Goes, my senoir year in high school.

23. What are your plans for tomorrow?
Chapel in the morning, followed by lunch. Then my Christianity class, where i have to give a speech. Then in the evening i have a ton of studying to do.

24. Who is the last person you messaged on myspace?
Jennings.

25. Ever go to camp?
With girl scouts... if you can call that camping...lol.
We also had to go in 5th grade.

26. Were you an honor roll student in school?
Of course!

27. What do you know about the future?
*sigh* nothing.

28. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
Yup yup! Bath and Body Work's Pear Blossom

29. Where is your best friend(s) located?
hopefully they are all in class right now.

30. Do you have a tan?
NO! I only burn. I'm practically garunteed skin cancer.

32. Do people hate you?
I really don't think so.

33. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
All the time! The straw is in a wrapper, so I'm a little more certain that it's clean than I am about the cup.

34. How do you like your soda?
Cold, but no ice please.

36. Who do you like?
Everyone, in that Christian sort of way. If you are refferring to "liking" someone... well there are a few particular someones.

37. Do they like you?
I think the one does.

39. What's the last TV show you watched?
Umm... Mythbusters of course.

40. Are you addicted to a certain kind of gum?
I'm partial to Oribt's original bubble gum flavor.

What is Love? Part 2...Finding a Mate

2007-02-24T22:37:00.000-05:00

I went all the way into the Cinema at Lancaster today to see Hannibal Rising. I enjoyed the movie greatly. Then I turned around and returned to school. Not exactly easy knowing that I was only like, a half hour from my home, my sister, my puppy, and my nice cozy bed. I still managed to make it back though.

So Jennings and I went over to a pizza place after the movie, and wound up having a very interesting conversation about our veiws on dating, marriage, what we want in a guy, etc. Basically I despise all people who find it necessary to say: I only date for marriage. I find this especially annoying when the person is still quite young, as in under 25. Do you honestly believe that you know exactly what you want out of your marriage partener? I have my doubts. Most people I know around my own age, still aren't even sure what they want to do for a career yet! Yet, if someone like me were to consider seeing a guy without a college education, my friends would be very quick to tell me that I was making a mistake, because we clearly wouldn't be compatible, and he wouldn't be going in the right direction for me. How the hell do they know? I want a career for myself, for all I know, I might be better of with a guy who isn't as career oriented, and could be more of a house-husband. I think those who are very quick to decide exactly what qualifications they are looking for in a mate, are depriving themselves greatly. Give a different sort of guy a chance once in a while. Who knows? Perhaps you'll learn something new and interesting, get a different perspective on life, or maybe you'll even learn something about yourself that you never even knew before. Just because you go out with the guy a few times does not mean that you have to marry him. We are young, we've got pleanty of time for this serious sort of stuff, enjoy your freedom while it lasts. I pity those who marry young. First of all, you're giving up a certain part of your life that you can't get back, and second, that marriage has a very low chance of succeeding. This is probably because you are still young, and still not sure of your self or what it is that you believe. What I considered to be my "ideal man" back in my high school years, I'd now consider some "poor pathetic soul without a clue" today. Also, I think a lot of kids my age are still blinded by "romantic love" and don't see what exactly might be behind it. Yeah, you fall in love with some guy who likes to say "you're worth more than all the stars in the night sky to me" and think that you are in love. True, you "fell in love" with him... but will you stay in love? Being in love with someone in general, is different from having "fallen in love with them". Basically this is the difference between romantic love and practical love. When you "fall in love" you run the risk of eventually "falling out of love" The passion does fade with time, and hopefully there is something lying beneith that passion to keep things together. That's why waiting for quite some time before getting married, is a fairly good idea. Make sure you're friends first. That's why, if you go into the relationship expecting marriage to some extent, you're setting yourself up for failure. Eventually, if you find yourself together for a few years, then it might become the right time to start considering this marriage idea.

So yeah... that's my current rant on this crazy little thing called "love". I just wanted to get that down before falling asleep and forgetting it. Perhaps I'll polish it up a bit better tomorrow and make it more coherant and readable.

Heh... perhaps this is why I'm so "intimidating"

I'm Losing My Mind... Part 3

2007-02-19T09:07:00.000-05:00

Or perhaps I was only overly edgy because last night I was, at the time, starting to come down with something. I wasn't feeling all that well most of last week, but I just chalked that up to the snow and the cold. Today I woke up to that lovely lightheaded, dizzy, nauseous feeling I always get when I do manage to get sick. I got out of bed and had my vision go completely black on me for a few seconds. Needless to say, I'm not attending my classes this morning. We aren't going over anything overly important during any of them. If I read the text, I shall be fine.

Unfortunately, I still have a five hour shift at work that I need to go to. I know better than to waste my time attempting to find someone to cover my shift for me. While I'm more than willing to help out my co-workers, none of the people I've helped before are ever willing to return the favor. Aside from work, I've also got my self defense class tonight. Even if I am still feeling under the weather by then, I think I'll still be attending that. It's fun and a decent work out, I just hope we aren't working on rolls again. Besides, we can only miss one class, and I'm saving that for my birthday.

So I'm just relaxing here, working on getting as much of my homework for the entire week done today, and hoping to feel better by noon so that I can make it through my shift. I've also been working on my "creation bracelet" and I've got a slightly better attitude towards it today. It seems to look a bit better than it did last night. I still need chain though, store bought, or handmade doesn't matter much to me. I also need some more head pins.

*sigh* work should be interesting today. I'm in the type of mood where I just want to take somebody's head off. It's time's like these when I really wish Lea was still around, and I could go over to her house and play video games with her until we either get really hungry, or simply fall asleep.

I'm Losing My Mind... Part 2

2007-02-18T21:49:00.000-05:00

Anyhow, I never got into why exactly I'm losing my mind in my last post. You see, it's just not turning out the way I want it to. It doesn't look at all like it did in my head or on my sketches. It's driving my crazy, and I think I'm starting to get a bit of a headache. I think the real problem I have though, is not the fact that it doesn't look quite right, I think it lies in my attitude towards the project as well as creation.

As stated in my last post, I've learned to question these beliefs I've blindly accepted all my life. This includes my beliefs about creation. I was raised to believe in the literal 6-day creation. I'm not a believer in that any more. There are two creation accounts in Genesis, which do not match up. So clearly, you can't believe that the entire Bible is to be taken literally from start to finish. Some of it must be figurative, which parts are which, no one can tell. I do believe that we were created, how we were created though, I can't even begin to guess. Maybe evolution was used, maybe it wasn't. I do not understand why people make such a big fuss about it. There are several areas in our religion where questions can be raised and the only real answer you can give is a basic "I just don't know". You can feel one way or another, but to get all irate when questioned just doesn't make sense. The giant Creation vs. Evolution war going on between the church and the school boards, is something that I am very much against. I like the way our country was founded on the principle of separation of church and state. Religious freedom is something I support. Unfortunately though, Christianity has resorted to telling children that the church's way, is the only way, and that if they try to think for themselves, and question these things, they'll be on the fast track to Hell.

So obviously I've got a huge issue with being forced to do this project. We read articles in class about how different people have interpreted the creation accounts, all of which take a more literal look at them, and condemn anyone who views it differently. Worst of all, this class isn't even an elective, it's a requirement. We have to journal our reactions to the readings, and hand them in to be graded. So far, since these professors have different views, they believe that since I disagree with the authors, I must not fully understand the what the author was trying to say. Therefore, points are taken off of my grade. So I'm trying to find a way to compromise with this damned project. I want a good grade, yet I also don't want to sell out, and do this project in a fashion that will please the prof, yet deny my own beliefs. I'm trying to find a way to strike up a good balance.

I'm Losing My Mind...

2007-02-18T20:38:00.000-05:00

slowly but surely, sometimes I can't help but wonder. My creativity seems to have left me. Needless to say, this doesn't exactly thrill me. I'm attempting to make a bracelet for my Creation Project, for my Created and Called class. My God I hate that class. I've gone through my beading boxes and removed everything I think I might be able to use to represent creation. So far I've got:

6 Tiny Seashells with holes drilled in them
3 Small round mother of pearl disks
2 Sky blue round crystals
8 Sapphire bicone crystals
10 Peridot bicone crystals
7 Pressed glass flowers in lilac, white, and blue
10 Pressed glass leaves in lilac, white, and blue
6 carved amethyst hearts
11 Fluorite chips(mostly green and white)
12 Topaz colored faceted disks
15 round lavender jade beads
Some of my headpins are store bought, some gold and some silver
Some of my headpins are home made using wire and seed beads
I'm even thinking of making the chain on my own
I might even make the clasp too

Different aspects of these objects represent different things:

First of all, I'm trying to make everything on my own. It will obviously be my own little act of creation, done as much as possible with my own two hands. The home made aspects represent God's direct work, like the natural world. The parts that I have bought, namely the sterling silver and gold headpins, represent human kind, and their work. We have mined out those metals and have refined them, and made them into the form of a headpin; however, they still indirectly come from God, we honestly can't take any credit.

Next, what the object itself is, represents different things. The seashells and mother of pearl disks represent life. As we all know, little creatures called mollusks once made their homes inside of there. The fluorite chips represent the earth and the variety of color it can has also represents the great variety of just about anything you can find in nature, whether you are looking at gems, plants, or even animals. Also the naturalistic form they are in, simple chips, shows how beautiful God's creation can be without humankind's interference. The jade and the amethyst represent most of the same things the fluorite does, however, they've been carved into shapes by humans, so they also represent humankind and their effect of the earth. The leaves and the flowers also shows human kind and their effect, as well as representing the love we should have for our natural world, by the shapes they possess. The crystals also represent humans in the fact that they are faceted to enhance the natural beauty they already possess.

Finally, the colors of these objects represent different things as well. There are a lot of blues, greens, and neutrals. The neutrals clearly clearly represent the earth. It's sturdy and strong. The blues represent the sky and the water. It flows, it changes, change is good. The green, well green represents life in general. It's spring, the rebirth of life, and growth. These three aspects of life, are things I consider very important. If you have God, you have something sturdy, in life, that you can rely on no matter what. God is like, the solid ground beneath your feet, there to catch you if you fall. Change is something that we just don't embrace in this world. It's all right to question, challenge, and change your beliefs. It's only through this change that you can grow in your faith. If you blindly swallow what your pastor force feeds you, in all honesty, it is meaningless. You need to think about these things, question them, maybe even reinterpret them. Being willing to admit that you might have been wrong about your former beliefs shows incredible growth and maturity in your faith.

Girl Survey

2007-02-17T10:40:00.000-05:00

WHAT YOU HAVE:
[ ] You own over 10 bottles of nail polish
[x] You own a designer purse My beloved Vera Bradly
[ ] You own perfume that cost over $60
[ ] You have/had fake nails
[x] You have more body/hair products than you can use
[ ] Your pet is a chihuahua/Pomeranian/Siamese/Min Pin
[ ] You have clothes/shoes/accessories for your pet
[ ] You have enough clothes to cover an entire refugee camp.
[x] You have enough pictures to create your own wallpaper. Have you seen my dorm?
[ ] A pink comforter, walls or sheets. Multi colored
total: 3

Do you:
[ ] Spend more time at the mall than you do at home/work I live at work
[ ] Have/Had a hair color that is not natural I only do natural looking colors
[x] Have "blonde moments" at least once a day
[ ] Buy stuff because it's awesome and then never wear it
[ ] Constantly keep your phone at your side
[x] Dance around in your room when nobody else is home
[ ] Have a name for your car
[ ] Know what celebrity is dating who and who broke up this week I do not get why people care.
[ ] Refuse to go out in public without makeup Not anymore.
[ ] Prefer to be called "princess" I HATE pet names.
total: 2

DO YOU ADORE:
[ ] Makeup
[ ] Glitter
[ ] The Color Pink Nah, I perfer green, blue, and purple
[x] Shopping Well, there's nothing else to do in this town.
[x] Jewelry I make jewelry
[ ] Mirrors
[ ] Chick flicks They're silly
[ ] Shoes
[ ] Rainbows
[ ] Unicorns
[x] Disney Movies I love taking my little sis to see them
[x] Candles
[x] Flowers I love Tulips
[x] Stuffed Animals
[ ] bags
total: 6

DO YOU SHOP AT:
[ ] Coach
[ ] Forever 21
[x] Victoria's Secret
[ ] Guess
[ ] Claires
[ ] Express
[ ] Abercrombie
[ ] American Eagle
[ ] Delias
[ ] MAC
[ ] Sephora
[ ] Bebe
[x] Old Navy
[ ] Aeropostale
[ ] Body Shop
total: 2

DO YOU SAY:
[ ] Biotch
[ ] Whatever
[x] Oh my gosh/goodness/god
[x] Hun
[ ] Fugly
[ ] That's sexy(hot)
[ ] Dunzo
[ ] Darling
[ ] Psh
[ ] Cutie
[ ] Hottie
[ ] Skank
[x] Totally
[ ] For Sure
[x] Fabulous
total: 4

Do You Read:
[ ] Cosmopolitan
[ ] Glamour
[ ] Marie Claire
[ ] Elle
[ ] vogue
[ ] People
[ ] Us Weekly
[ ] Star
[ ] Self
[ ] PerezHilton.com
[ ] Dlisted.com
[ ] seventeen.com
[ ] people.com
[ ] usmagazine.com
[ ] popsugar.com
total: 0 Garbage, it's all just garbage

Have you Seen:
[ ] Legally Blonde
[ ] Elizabethtown
[ ] Mean Girls
[ ] Now & Then
[ ] The Notebook
[ ] A Walk to Remember
[x] Sweet Home Alabama
[ ] Where the Heart is
[ ] Just my luck
[ ] John Tucker Must Die
[ ] Centerstage
[ ] Bring it On
[x] How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
[ ] Mona Lisa Smile
[x] My Girl I adore this movie
total: 3

Are you Addicted to...
[ ] America's Next Top Model
[ ] Project Runway
[ ] Desperate Housewives
[ ] The Simple Life
[ ] 8th & Ocean
[ ] Sex & the City
[ ] Grey's Anatomy
[ ] The O.C.
[ ] Laguna Beach
[ ] The Hills
[ ] Nip/Tuck
[ ] Two-a-days
total: 0 I only watch House, Bones, or Mythbusters.

COUNT UP HOW MANY YOU CHECKED... multiply by 2 for your score
20x2=40
I'm only 40% feminine... are we totally shocked by this?
My answer, yes and no.
While I might not do the totally cliche girly things, I definately look like a girl, and I act like the classic girl next door: nice, quiet, giving, gentle, ect.

Little Sibs Weekend

2007-02-17T10:17:00.000-05:00

Yay! Julie is one her way up, she'll be spending the night here. The school was supposed to be showing Happy Feet this weekend; however, last night they switched it to the movie Flushed Away. I've already bought tickets to see Happy Feet, but I've got no desire to take her to see this other movie, so bascially they had better give me my money back. I borrowed The Increadibles from Jess, so Julie and I can watch that instead. Also, Julie has made it clear that she'd like to watch Little Miss Sunshine again. LOL... this having two older sisters old enough to be her mother, has corrupted this child's mind. She should not be so fond of an R rater movie like that. But honestly, the only real problem with that movie is the language, all of which she's heard before (and not by me). Also, the grandpa's raunchier lines, usually go over her head, so that shouldn't be an issue. I also want to take her over to see the Oaks Museum. She'll love it, I want to get a picture of her with the bears, particularly the polar bears. She's also bringing up her sleds, which are to be used on Cemetary Hill. I doubt I'll be doing that, my back is hurting a little, but Jess said that she can go sledding with her tomorrow.

So yeah... I'm really happy right now.

On the Day of Love, I Shouldn't Feel so Much Hate

2007-02-14T18:51:00.000-05:00

And yet I do. Why is it that I can't go through one day with out meeting someone I just want to hit? Every single day, someone is there, to remind me what jerks human beings can be. If something like this happens some place like at a mall, or a restaurant or something, I can usually shake it off. I just figure that it is just some poor soul who wasn't raised to have any manners. However, when this happens with students here on campus, it is a different story. The students here claim to be christian. They signed a document on their first day here, confessing their faith and all that good stuff. They go to chapel here, take communion, wear crucifixes, and talk about how AWESOME it is to serve their Lord God by trying to love one another as God loves us.

Liars. It is people like them who make me ashamed to call myself a Christian. I see them picking on a guy because he is a different ethnicity, laughing at a plain girl, because her clothes aren't "cool", or making snide comments about me and my sister because we have matching jackets. WTF! So they are the same, we bought them independently of each other, and they are quite cute. It's not our fault that we've both got good taste.

But it just bothers me to no end! Gosh, don't call yourself a Christian if you refuse to act like one. *sigh* I come closer and closer, everyday to refusing to call myself a Christian. The stigma that goes with it, is just something that I do not desire for myself. Call me a follower of Christ, or something like that, but those pseudo-Christians out there, have managed to crucify all respect I once had for my faith. Where is the love in this world? All I see, is hatred, and malice, and cruelty. It is a little girl who calls herself a christian who is causing my little sister so much torment in her life right now. My religion teaches love. God is love, the world was created with love, for love, love one another as you love yourself. WHERE IS THE FREAKING LOVE? Because I certainly do NOT see it here! The school and it's administration doesn't even show their students love. They do not look out for our best interests, all they try to do, is suck us dry of every cent we have. That's far from loving, that is called taking advantage of the poor. I see so little love in this world. It saddens me, and the hatred that runs rampant is slowly taking a hold of me too.

This is why I don't understand why my more religious relatives always make a fuss when I make good friends with non-christians. A non-christian can be a good person, just like a "Christian" can be a totally worthless individual. I like people with good natures, who are openminded, do not judge others, and aren't ignorant enough to think that they know everything and have all the answers in life. Unfortunately, very few people like that exist.

What Is Love? Part 1

2007-02-13T09:12:00.000-05:00

This question was asked on a christian message board I belong to. It intrigued me, and in the spirit of Valentines Day, I decided to elaborate on it.

Love varies in it's intensity, it's form, and in how it's shown. It varies from culture to culture even. Honestly, we should become more like the greeks, and adopt a few more words to define different forms of love.

1. Romantic love- the westernized version of love between a man and a woman. Personally, I'm not so into this form of love. I think in many cases this title is given to something that is nothing more than either an infacuation or just plain lust.

2. Practical love- As in, a complete devotion to others. This is true love. It covers most relationships: friendships, siblings, parents, man-woman relationships. It covers everything. This is a good form of love. Something I value above romantic love.

3. God love- another serious form of love. This even transcends practical love. It's just complete and utterly undeserved, unconditional love, that is just beyond human comprehension.

So, I plan to celebrate the higher two forms of love this Valentines day, especially since I'm definately not going to be on the recieving end of any romantic love.

If the Good Die Young

2007-02-10T21:26:00.000-05:00

... Good grief, I'm gonna live forever.

So, MSN messenger has saved all the different conversations I've had in like, the past three years. So I'm sitting here reading over old conversations I've had with friends, and reading over old emails that were just too funny to delete. OMG, some of the stuff we've done/said/thought, is just too whacked out. There's something not right with us. Half of our communication to each other starts with the exact phrase "You know we're going to Hell for this". While I've worked so hard in my life to come across as this sweet girl, who never does anything bad, I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, sleep around, disrespect my parents, ect. I certainly have had my own unique ways of rebelling as a teenager.

*Sigh* which reminds me once more, that my days of being a teen are numbered. I've got 30 days left, that's it. Then I'm 20, no longer a teen. I know that legally I am considered to be an adult, but I just do not feel like one. However, I don't feel like a kid either. Basically, I've managed to find that "no-man's-land" between the two. I mean, I still live at home when I'm not at school, have follow my parents rules, and they still cover some of my expenses and bills. Then again, I do have a job, and I do pay a lot of my own expenses and bills, and I do have the freedom to do what I want with my time, I can go out whenever I want, and stay out for as long as I want, it's all up to me. My parents do a good job of trying to treat me like an adult. But seriously, I still don't seem to fully qualify as one. So yeah, I'm turning 20, but as I've heard said many times, age is just a number. In some ways I feel like I'm still 14, in others I sometimes feel like I'm 32, but I sure as hell don't feel like I'm 20.

Stolen from the Wonderful Jessica Jennings because she is cool and I am really really BORED!

2007-02-10T20:12:00.000-05:00

Half the Questions are missing, oh big suprise. ~_^

001. real name → Jennifer Noelle Martin
002. nickname → Jen, Jenny, stuff like that.
003. single or taken → Single
004. zodiac sign → Pisces
005. male or female → Female
006. elementary → Denver
008. eye color → Green/yellow/brown depends on the light
010. hair color → Light brown with blond highlights
011. long or short → Longer than it used to be, but still short.
015. are you health freak → Nope, but I'm working on becoming one
016. height → 5'8.5"
017. do you have a crush on someone → When don't I?
018. do you like yourself → Usually.
019. piercings → A grand total of two. One in each ear.
020. tattoos → Nope
021. righty or lefty → Righty

FIRSTS :
022. first surgery → Never.
023. first piercing → 3 years old.
024. first best friend → Megan from Kiddie Corner. She just died.
025. first award → The presidential Honors thing in 5th grade.
026. first sport you joined → Swim Team! In first grade I think it was.
027. first pet -> 3 goldfish named Big Bird, Bert, and Ernie.
028. first vacation → Stone Harbor of course. A tradition that continues.
029. first concert → Brian White
030. first crush → Tommy the green power ranger. I was in love! lol

CURRENTLY :
049. eating → Yoplait chocolate yogurt
50. drinking → Tangerine Lime flavored sparkling water.
052. I'm about to → Force myself to do some more homework
053. listening to → Nicklecreek's This Side.
055. waiting for → Nothing, I am BORED!
057. wearing → Jeans and a black sweater with a silver shirt under it.

YOUR FUTURE :
058. want kids? → I think so... 2 or 3 probably.
059. want to get married?→ I have no idea. I've got commitment issues.
060. careers in mind? → To quote Jennings "Obviously something in psychology but as of now I'm still changing my mind every day"

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE PREFERRED SEX?:
068. lips or eyes? → Eyes
069. hugs or kisses → Honestly, I'm a big hugger.
070. shorter or taller → Taller than me would be nice.
072. romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneous
073. nice stomach or nice arms → Arms
074. sensitive or loud → More on the sensitive side I think
075. hook-up or relationship → Relationship
077. trouble maker or hesitant? → In between. I don't want a rebel without a care, but I don't want someone to afraid to have fun either.

HAVE YOU EVER :
078. kissed a stranger → No.
079. drank bubbles → Yeah, not sure what's being asked here.
080. lost glasses/contacts → Nope, I am too desperately in need of them.
081. ran away from home → No. Threatened to many times though.
082. broken any bones → Never!
084. broken somone's heart → Honestly I'm not sure. I think I might have.
085. been arrested → No.
086. turned someone down → Yes.
087. cried when someone died → Many times.
088. liked a friend → Kind of... yeah.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
089. yourself → sometimes yes, sometimes no.
090. miracles → Yes, at least, they used to happen.
091. love at first sight → NO, though lust at first sight is usually mistaken for it.
092. Heaven → Yes.
093. Santa Claus → Hahaha no, never did.
094. sex on the first date → Eww! Never!
095. kissing on the first date → It's possible.
096. angels → Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
097. is there one or more people you want to be with right now? Yes.
099. had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? LOL no!
100. do you believe in God? Like 99% of the time. Occasionally I have to wonder.

Invisible Children

2007-02-08T22:03:00.000-05:00

I highly reccomend watching this documentary, it's called Invisible Children. It's about abducted child soldiers in northern Uganda.

It's definitely interesting. The thing is, I had no idea that this problem even existed. I had no idea, no idea at all. These children suffer such great torture and torment. They're taken from their homes, beaten, raped, forced to watch their friends get slaughtered, then given a gun and forced to kill others as their only means of survival, that is, if they survive their beatings, or aren't killed immediately. When they do escape, they have no homes to return to. At night they take shelter any place that seems like it might be safe. Even children that haven't been abducted who live out in the villages, hike several miles every night, to take shelter in the city, just in case their village is attacked that night. It's heart breaking. These children don't have access to food, water, clothing, they don't even have blankets. And this has been going on for 20 YEARS!!! Yet, many of us have never heard of this. If a terrorist attack happens in a major 1st world country, the whole globe knows about it. But something like this can happen in a 3rd world country, and it is virtually ignored. Watch the film, there's a little boy named Tony, and his brother. They were soldiers, there brother was killed in front of them, they are hunted because they left their army. They have nothing. It's heart breaking, it's haunting, and it's true.

Would You Like Some Cheese?

2007-02-05T17:22:00.000-05:00

While I usually try to avoid using such strong language, I'm not afraid to say that I absolutely loathe the existence of useless, worthless, ethic-less, poor mannered, whiny, and complainy people, especially co-workers. I work with this one girl, who is so overly emotional, it's quite pathetic. I've seen her start crying at work several times now, which is just awkward because I'm not good with crying. And she whines and complains constantly! It's just on and on with the bawling and the complaining. Gah! It drives me nuts. I understand you're having a bad day and all, but PLEASE, check your baggage at the door, focus on your job, and don't feel the need to tell your every coworker, about how unbearable your life is. So anyway, today I didn't have the grandest of days (and yes I can complain about it here, because this is what this blog was made for). It was the first day of the spring semester, and I'm trying to figure out just what I was thinking when choosing my classes. On Mondays, I go from Psychological Science (okay-ish), to Spanish (Ick), to Statistics (gag!). After that I've got 5 hours at work, then a short break, followed by self-defense. The schedule just plain sucks. On top of that I've got a major migraine, and when I walked into work, Donna told me that she was going to put me on Pizzas (my favorite position), then changed her mind and put me on drinks and register (I don't know drinks, and I dispise register). So I'm working register, and half-way through my shift, the whiner comes in. I'm a great multi-tasker. I can easily be wrapping desserts, work register, and making a Latte, all at the same time. No sweat. So I take 1 step away from my register, to check on the Latte, turn around, and there the girl is, waiting on the next customer. And she keeps going too, totally ignoring me, until I cleared my throat a little. You see, it was marked down that I was the one on register, so if the money is off at night, I have to make up the difference. I DO NOT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE ON MY REGISTER! But then she left again, and things would have been fine, however, she did it 2 more times. Finally, the third time, I said "So, are you taking over here, or what? Cause I'll gladly work wraps if you don't want to." She whips around, very offended, and the tears come. "I was trying to help you, you know! A thank you would be nice." To which I replied "Yes, but unnecessary because I didn't need the help, a fact that was kinda obvious." So now I feel guilty because I upset that girl, but really, is there anything to feel guilty about? She was out of line, touching my register and invading my space and all. Yet I still feel guilt.

You see, that main issue, is the fact that I like to keep a good Christian work ethic. Since everyone I'm working with is a Christian as well, I like to think that they should also aspire to the same work ethic. It's fairly simple, I work as though God were right beside me watching my every move. My employer is paying me for my time. Therefore, I shouldn't be on my cell phone, or chatting it up with friends, or just zoning out. I should be keeping busy doing work. Also, I like to do everything with pride. If you're going to take the time to do something, do it right. Do it with pride! It was once said that "A tree pleases God, by doing it's job well. By being the best tree, it can be." We should all live by the philosophy. I can serve God by being the best student/cafe worker/daughter/friend/sister/many other things, I can be. I get so irritated when people just don't give a damn about their jobs. Why the hell are you even here then? Just go home, if you don't care!

Movie Survey

2007-01-31T10:35:00.000-05:00

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 100 of these movies, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 movies on this list. Copy this list, go to your own facebook account, paste this as a note. Then, put x's next to the movies you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. Have fun!

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show shockingly good.
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
( ) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
( ) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
Total: 4

(x) The Princess Bride Terrific Movie
( ) AnchorMan
(x) Napoleon Dynamite Ashamed to admit to it
( ) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 8

(x) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 10

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
( ) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
(x) Resident Evil 2 mmm... Oded Fehr
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village awful awful terrible movie
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 17

(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
( ) Signs
(x) The Grinch
(x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
( ) 13 Going on 30
( ) I, Robot
( ) Robots
Total so far: 21

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) KING KONG
Total so far: 25

( ) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 28

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
( ) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window Jonny Depp's 17 b-day present to me!
(x) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 30

( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 33

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Sleven
( ) Ocean's Eleven
( ) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Bourne Identity
( ) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
( ) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
(x) Curious George took Julie.
Total so far: 35

( ) Independence Day
(x) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
(x) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
( ) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 40

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
( ) The Terminator
( ) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 43

( ) X-Men
( ) X2
( ) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
( ) Spider-Man 2
() Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
( ) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2 Super Sexy Cauffer KYLE!!!
Total so far: 49

() Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin
Total so far: 51

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 57

( ) BASEketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 58

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
( ) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead One of the best movies ever.
( ) Willard
Total so far: 61

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld
Total so far: 63

( ) Kill Bill vol 1
( ) Kill Bill vol 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
(x) the Hills Have Eyes Ick!
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
( ) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 64

( ) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
( ) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
( ) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
( ) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
( ) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
( ) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 64

( ) The Matrix
( ) The Matrix Reloaded
( ) The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
(x) Team America: World Police
(x) Red Dragon Awesome, Just Awesome!
(x) Silence of the Lambs Also Freaking Awesome!
( ) Hannibal Next up on my list of movies to see.
Total: 67

Hmm... I didn't do too badly.

Sigh

2007-01-31T09:52:00.000-05:00

That horrid family essay I had to write got handed in yesterday. Thank God, I don't have to think about that thing anymore. I've got my final in that class today, and then I'm headed home until Sunday evening. I miss my bed, so I can't wait to get back to it. My roommate will be back, and I've kind of enjoyed having this room to myself this month. However, hopefully her being back means that I'll get out of this room more. I got my car back yesterday, with all the leaking seals now fixed, and a new timing belt too. It cost me $375. I won't complain though, I'm still very thankful that over Christmas break my dad decided to put some extra money aside in my account in case of a car emergency. That really saved my neck here. Unfortunately the really nice, sweet, and kinda cute guy was not working when I went. Oh well. I'm hoping to be home by 6pm, and I plan on spending the night in, watching a movie with Julie. Later, my older sister's boyfriend is coming over. I took a personality evaluation for him a little while ago, and hopefully, he'll go over the results with me. Appearently I scored as being abnormal in some areas. Honestly, that does not shock me.