If I Could Turn Back Time
I woke up to this entry from the lovely and wonderful Jessica Jennings this morning.
http://acissej16.blogspot.com/2007/10/yeah.html
I'm sure you all can remember my musings on the same subject. Melissa on graduation night, at Erin's party asked me who all we'd still be friends with by the time we graduated from college. I was optimistic, naming a few people I considered good friends. She was more realistic, saying it'd be down to just the two of us. So far, she seems to be right. Jennings' entry there echos my own thoughts on the matter. Basically, over the summer I was forced to accept the fact that I no longer had any friends at home anymore. Lea is in TN with her mother, and Melissa is in TX for training. I had pleanty of phone calls, they continued to be good friends and still keep in touch. Those, are true friends. As for other people I considered friends at home, I saw them on very few occasions and that was it. Even though they only lived maybe 10 minutes away. That hurts. Can't help but feel slightly unloved, unwanted, and unimportant in that situation. Anyhow, I'm really not sure how to respond to her little entry there. Yes, I still love the girl and I do consider her a friend. But as someone who wasn't worth her time or effort this summer, when I really could have used a friend, do I really feel like being a friend now? I just don't know. I've had an enormous increase in self confidence these past few months. I mean honestly! I am a smart individual, I'm talented, and I'm a very sweet and caring person despite my sometimes sarcastic and even cynical attitude. Do I want to open myself up to getting ignored again? Because that hurts like hell, and I'm just not sure that I'm up to that.
1 comment:
I never meant to make you feel unwanted or unloved, honestly. My whole entry was about how time is going so far. I can barely even remember summer, it flew by so fast. The same with this semester...I am literally up to my ears in homework the nights I am home and when Im not home I'm usually working. I still consider you a friend, of course. I was just in a depressive kind of mood when I wrote that, and I was trying to say that I feel bad that I haven't kept up with talking to people. I used to talk to you, Erin, Sarah, Kim, Rachel, even Chelsie and Lindsay ALL THE TIME, like at least weekly. Now I don't talk to anyone except my co-workers, my classmates, and my parents. I was trying to say that it is pathetic...and it really sucks that this happened. I want to fix it, that was the whole point. I lost the "fun" in life and I need it back, but it seems impossible. Tell me what you think. And P.S. we should talk sometime online when we're both actually there...I don't want to fight.
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