Suffering

The following is an excerpt from the script of Little Miss Sunshine. Dwayne, a 15 year old boy, dreams of flying jets. In fact, he's taken a vow of silence until he joins the Air Force Academy, and becoming a test pilot. His uncle, Frank, is a college professor, and teaches a graduate course on Marcel Proust. Dwayne, has just found out that he is color blind, and thus, is unable to fly jets. Needless to say, his vow of silence has just been broken. Uncle Frank, trying to help calm him down, and ease his depression a bit, bestows of Dwayne, Marcel Proust's thoughts on suffering. The first several times I watched it, and heard this quote, it made perfect sense to me. Though, now that I sit here and think about it, I'm not sure I totally agree with these ideas:

Dwayne: Sometimes, I just wish I could go to sleep until I was eighteen and skip all this crap, high school and everything, just skip it.

Uncle Frank: You know Marcel Proust?

Dwayne: That's the guy you teach.

Uncle Frank: Yeah. French writer. Total loser: never had a real job, unrequited love affairs, gay. He spent twenty years writing a book almost no one reads, but he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh, he gets to the end of his life and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All the years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're eighteen, ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school. Those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that.

Dwayne: You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. You know, school, then college, then work? Fuck that! And fuck the Air Force Academy. If I wanna fly, I'll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and fuck the rest.

Uncle Frank: I'm glad you're talkin' again Dwayne. You're not nearly as stupid as you look.

Suffering... I agree with the idea that in some ways it makes you who you are. Without a little suffering, one would never fully understand what contentment and pleasure are. As the old saying goes, you never really know what you've got, until it's taken away from you. Which is usually what causes the suffering. Your contentment, self-esteem, respect for others, etc. gets tested. It makes you uncomfortable, and you learn where you stand in life, what you're real values are and so forth. Suffering can lead to growth and development. However, over generalizations can be very dangerous. By suffering, I believe this people are referring to typical growing pains. The harshness of adapting to adult life. Some teenagers and young adults; however, are faced with a totally unfair amount of suffering in their lives. I'm thinking of four specific individuals in this case. Though their stories seems to be familiar in many ways. The roots of their problems are all at home. It really works with the systems theory of family interaction. When just one part of the system breaks down, due to any of the following: illness, acting out(possible mental illness), relationship issues, or being over worked; the entire system is affected, and quite possibly destroyed. This one malfunction in the system, will bring about another malfunction somewhere else, which will cause yet another one. It's a wholistic thing, you can't damage just one part, without damaging the rest of it as well.

For example, say we've got your typical nuclear family. The man is named Bob, he's a factory worker, who works very hard at his job. Then there's his wife Nancy, who is a stay at home mother. They've got two kids, Maggie and Dan. Let's say Bob gets laid off at work. With this, comes financial trouble. With financial trouble, usually comes marital stress. Nancy and Bob fight a lot, and argue. They don't think the kids hear it, but they do. This upsets them, and makes them moody at school. The moodiness makes their friends start keeping their distance. This is just one example of many. Once the family system is out of whack, other systems start to become unbalanced as well. It's all very interesting and very sad. Sometimes, there is someone at fault. Other times there isn't. I just feel so bad for the usually innocent parties that get affected by this, which is usually the kids. Occasionally the kids might be at fault, but it seems rather rare. In only one of the four cases I'm thinking of, is a child partially at fault. yes suffering helps you grow... but I do not think any of the suffering faced by these four people has had this effect. It's definately harmed them more than it has helped them. Shockingly, so far, two of these four individuals have turned into perfectly functioning adults, who have exceeded everyones' expectations. The other two I still have great hope for. The one, another adult, while in a precarious position at the moment, seems to be on the right path to fixing it. I'm fairly certain that she'll be fine, just like the first two. Now, the fourth individual, has it tougher at the moment than the other three, simply because he is still a minor. The first three, can get out when they need to, just go away for the weekend when they need to, and being in college is a big help as well. College is a wonderful escape. For a minor, temporary escapes like that are no exactly an option. Personally though, I think he's going to be fine.

Anyway... this is just something that's been bothering me lately. And today we were discussing family systems, and I began to start drawing parallels. What can I say? Sometimes life just sucks. But as Dwayne says "do what you love, and fuck the rest." While I hate to take on that attitude, sometimes it's the only way to make it through the day.