I <3 Stephen Colbert

My roommate and I are watching a rerun of the Chinese New Years episode of the Colbert Report. It's so hysterical, I feel the need to share my favorite quotes from the show. It shows our ignorance as Americans so beautifully. I didn't get it word for word, nor do these quote reflect my personal opinion in any way, shape, or form. I just find them pretty darn funny.

"China has been making our cheap crap for years... but now they're even making our NICE crap."

"China's even #1 in executions! Come on America! Texas can't do this on it's own. Perhaps if you other states chipped in, they wouldn't have to execute the mentally handicapped."

"The word of the day today is Frenemy: China is our frenemy. They are our friends because, look at these tube socks! Also, they sell us stuff cheap, and lend us money. They are our enemy because they're hoarding our resources, and are inhumane. Mostly they are our friend, because they are our enemy. We haven't had a good old fashioned enemy since the Cold War. China can be our new Russia!"

"It's good for us to out source our jobs to China, because eventually the only jobs left for them to take will be the ones we Americans just won't do. So the Mexicans will follow those jobs over to China, and be confronted with their 2000 year old anti-immigration technology."

"The Chinese one child policy is their way of preventing a little thing called sibling rivalry."

"China- 5 words or less: Well, it's a big country... ok... that was 5 words."

"One question for you: Great Wall or the greatest wall?"

"In order to keep up with China population-wise, we are going to have to breed like mormon squirrles. China has a 1 child policy, tonight I'm introducing our new 8 child policy. After the show, don't turn over, and go to sleep. Turn on and go to town. If you have a headache just close your eyes and picture China. Now to help you get into the mood, I'm changing the image in my fire place into some soft porn."