I ought to post something of substance

So I'm headed into the 4th week of the spring semester of my Senior year. How very exciting. As of today I've only got 84 days left until graduation. It's kind of scary really, because as I sit here thinking about it, I realize that I am not all that sure that Messiah College has really prepared me for the real world. The program stresses the integration of faith and psychology, and in order to make room for that, other important aspects of our education have been neglected. Nowhere are we taught how to go about finding an actual job. We learn nothing about writing up resumes, writting cover letters, how to do a successful job search, or how to do a good interview. We are taught all the ways that our faith can make us good psychologists and to always but the Bible before the DSM. In fact I can think of at least 8 classes I've taken where a good portion of the course was spent discussing integration. Of course I realize that learning to integrate theology and psychology is important, however that knowledge does us no good if we find ourselves unable to find jobs. The only time any of practical knowledge for getting a job has been brought up was when I did my internship and we had to write up resumes at the begining and the end of the experiance to show what we had learned. That class was helpful with learning to write up your resume correctly, but they never touched cover letters. Also, internships, even though they provide you with valuable experiance, aren't required at all. Which just seems wrong. And even with the internship, I didn't learn nearly as much there as I had hoped. My real life work experiance at PCS was much more valuable. I've taken some time to visit the career center and get some tips there, but I still feel totally unprepared.

Messiah College Department of Psychology please take note that some adjustments to your program could use a little adjusting. I paid an awful lot to attend this school, and I really expected a bit more from you all.

The Patheticness of Messiah College

We had an open house today.
Open houses tend to suck. You can hardly get around in Eisenhower due to all the little high schoolers hanging out there, the parents park where they shouldn't and make get off, on, or around campus a serious challenge, and so fourth. It's annoying. Also, it's a waste of time. My sister made me come to an open house during my senior year, and I got nothing out of it. It gave me no better an idea of what it's like here. What really cracks me up though, is what goes on in the lovely Lottie Nelson Dinning Room. The service there on open house days is top notch. Everything is served to you, and the staff is almost entirely made up of adults, who are polite and actually know what they are doing. It's not at all like how Lottie operates the rest of the school year. But they've got to put on a good show for the parents of prospective future students. As usual, the actual students here aren't of any importance. After all, very few of us are the ones actually footing the bill to attend this so-called "christian" school. The only people of importance here are the ones with the money, our parents. Before Christmas, when my car broke down by the faculty lot, and I drifted into a parking spot there in order to get it out of the way, I was treated like trash my maintenence here. They yelled at me, cursed at me, laughed at my plight, and told me that they had no desire to hear my sob story. Somehow I absolutely had to magically move my little, disabled car down to starry field, despite that fact that my car was unable to go forward. After two days of this treatment, my dad calls in, and they couldn't be more polite with him. Told him to send me down, and they'll gladly fill out a tag for me, allowing me to stay in that lot. It was all so very frustraiting. They don't care if they upset the students, but they'll bend over backwards for the parents.

My love/hate relationship with socail networking sites. Who the heck is Joe and why is he poking me?

I avoided them all through my freshman year of college. The idea seemed dumb to me. If I want to talk to my friends, I'll call them on the phone thank you. Also, MySpace and Facebook were just too fadish for me to jump on the band wagon. However, last year I cracked. I got Facebook first. I added some of my old friends from high school, and few of my new friends from Messiah. I didn't get many comments or anything, but it was nice for asking people when they'd be around during the weekend and stuff like that.

Then, my friends added some more peer pressure to the situation, wanting me to get MySpace. I resisted, but then folded, and got one of those too. I only added my friends from home at first, and it was a lot like the situation with Facebook. But then the trouble began. Odd people I did not know started trying to add me as a friend on MySpace. People sent me vulgar messages asking me if I wanted "a special friend" Honestly, I have no clue where they'd ever get the idea that I was into that sort of thing, when my profile is about the most innocent thing ever. I rarely go there anymore. MySpace is a tool I use simply to keep in touch with my non-college friends who don't have a facebook. It also keeps me connected with many of my CTF buddies as well.

Facebook is an annoyance because of the large amount of people who feel the need to add me as a friend after only meeting me once, but I couldn't get rid of it, due to easy way it provides me with information on people. I love it. I can keep up to date with everything my sister and cousins are up to. But then I think about it... if I can use this to find out all sorts of stuff about others, then they can do the same to me. Eep! So that revelation freaked me out a little bit. But, I reasoned that at least the only people who can access my Facebook, and people in one of my networks. But, knowing how i keep tabs on my sister, and tend to wind up repeating somethings to other people, I think twice about what I post on my own Facebook, because i wouldn't be surprised if she's doing the same. What has freaked me out though, is that suddenly I'm getting "poked" on Facebook by people I do not know. I've never met them, the name is not recognized, they are neither current students of my school, or residents of my home county. Why are they poking me? Is Facebook becoming more like MySpace? Don't even get me started on all those blasted applications you can add. They're annoying and drive me nuts! Like all the flashing and glittery things that annoy my eyes on MySpace. First that, and now the random, unknown men "poking" me? I'm a nice and friendly person and all, but that's just annoying. Why poke me? Why not just send a message saying hello? I'd be a little more receptive to that.

Gather Around Kiddies

... listen to auntie Jenny, she's got some good advise.

Stoping being so freaking judgemental! People today are terrible, just terrible. If someone is just a little different, from what their culture deems to be the norm, they are automatically weird, stupid, evil, or just plain wrong. This is not right people. Mostly, I'm talking to those of you who call yourselves christians. Grow up! You should know better than to judge a book by it's cover by this point in your lives.

Ok, I'm done ranting for now.

If I Could Turn Back Time

I woke up to this entry from the lovely and wonderful Jessica Jennings this morning.
http://acissej16.blogspot.com/2007/10/yeah.html

I'm sure you all can remember my musings on the same subject. Melissa on graduation night, at Erin's party asked me who all we'd still be friends with by the time we graduated from college. I was optimistic, naming a few people I considered good friends. She was more realistic, saying it'd be down to just the two of us. So far, she seems to be right. Jennings' entry there echos my own thoughts on the matter. Basically, over the summer I was forced to accept the fact that I no longer had any friends at home anymore. Lea is in TN with her mother, and Melissa is in TX for training. I had pleanty of phone calls, they continued to be good friends and still keep in touch. Those, are true friends. As for other people I considered friends at home, I saw them on very few occasions and that was it. Even though they only lived maybe 10 minutes away. That hurts. Can't help but feel slightly unloved, unwanted, and unimportant in that situation. Anyhow, I'm really not sure how to respond to her little entry there. Yes, I still love the girl and I do consider her a friend. But as someone who wasn't worth her time or effort this summer, when I really could have used a friend, do I really feel like being a friend now? I just don't know. I've had an enormous increase in self confidence these past few months. I mean honestly! I am a smart individual, I'm talented, and I'm a very sweet and caring person despite my sometimes sarcastic and even cynical attitude. Do I want to open myself up to getting ignored again? Because that hurts like hell, and I'm just not sure that I'm up to that.

Hurtful People

I really do not understand how some people can be so very hurtful at times. I just don't. There are three people in particular that I'm thinking of at the moment, who can say such incredibly hurtful/mean/degrading things about a person, and then will turn around and be super nice to you as if they had never made that comment in the first place. It's just not right. In same cases they may not know that you know what had been said, but honestly, what goes around comes around. It's so cliche, but it's true. We are teenagers people (or at least very close). Thus, the gossip runs strong. It didn't take long for me to do my research and figure out what is being said about me. I see this behavior being shown to others though, as well, so it's not just me. I just do not understand how you can act that way, yet still hold your head up high, and call yourself a christian. A few posts back, I made some nasty comments myself, which were read by the current person I am discussing, and I feel a lot of guilt about it. These people though, they aren't effected by it at all. Are the sociopaths? Heartless? Totally self centered and unaware that anybody aside from themselves have feelings? I don't know, but I'm kind of intrigued. The thing is though, now I know what I'm doing to annoy her. Do I modify this behavior to make her happy, or should I be mean and continue on, since she hasn't had the guts or decency to tell me to my face? Anyhow, in regard to certain claims made about my life style:

1. I'm lazy- yup, that's why I'm at the gym a few times a week. That's why I'm constantly going for walks. That's why I'VE ACTUALLY GOT A JOB! And that's why I've got better grades.

2. I do nothing but talk to my friends all day every day- Yup, I do talk to my buddies a lot. I've got friends to talk to. Friends that live in the US. That's not all I do though. Just because I'm typing doesn't mean I'm on IM. I've been working on that story of mine, if you spoke to me, you'd know about that. And when you add school, church, and work into the picture, obviously I must be away from this box for a little while during the day.

3. I'm fat and eat horrible food- Honey, I'm a great cook. My food tastes good, and is good and nutritious. As for fatness, look in a freaking mirror honey. You've got quite the gut to you.

One week, just one week left. It's just that we were getting along again last night, and I was hoping that that would continue.

Where, Oh Where is my Paycheck?

Come on, come on, I need my money! Don't tell me you've decided to against the usual payment scheduling. We are supposed to get paid every other week. It's been two weeks! I've got things that I really do need to purchase. First off, I absolutely NEED to get myself a copy of Michael Buble's new CD Call me Irresponsible. I'm in love with his new song on the radio, Everything, and he also sings Eric Clapton's Beautiful Tonight. *sigh* Michael Buble... *swoons*. Also, I want to get a simple black slightly tight shirt with 3/4 sleeves to go with my creation bracelet. And with that shirt, comes the required black ballet flats. I figure that I deserve a little something nice after dealing with certain people as kindly and patiently as I have been. Also, I want to get something nice and pretty to wear to my sister's graduation. I'm thinking of getting a nice sundress (preferably the white and black one) from New York and Company, with a matching cardigan. It all shouldn't cost the terribly much. The CD is on sale at Target for $10, and the shirt and shoes, if bought at Target, shouldn't cost much either. The dress will be a bit pricey, but I haven't got any dresses, and I'm sure I'd wear it to church and get a lot of use out of it. But, that doesn't mean anything if i haven't got any money. Also, I do want to go see Hot Fuzz sometime soon.

Just Letting off a little Steam

People are rude!
I know that this is a gross over generalization, but for the most part, it is true. As stated before, I try very hard in my life to see the good in people. I guess I'm an optimist. I like to see the glass half full, even if it really is half empty.

Most people, I've found, treat people in the opposite manner. They only look at the bad, no matter how superficial those aspects are. Then they proceed to tear that person down, based on those faults. They do not give people the benefit of the doubt. As soon as they find one little displeasing aspect, they give up all hope for the person, they become worthless.
People ignore the fact that I'm a generally good hearted, compassionate, intelligent, and sweet person, and focus on the following:

1. I could stand to lose a little weight.
2. I'm rather pale, and tend to be a great indoors woman.
3. I'm not the most organized person on earth.
4. I haven't got a boyfriend.
5. I love my computer, to an almost alarming extent.
6. I've got a lot of muscle for a lady.

For future reference, before you EVER EVEN CONSIDER making a comment about any of those things to me again, please take note of my responses.

1. Yup, I've got a little junk in my trunk. I've known this for a long time, and I don't need your reminder. At the same time though, I've actually lost weight since high school. I've gone down an entire size. I have decent endurance when it comes to covering long distance, I've got an ideal blood pressure and heart rate, and aside from my asthma, I'm very healthy. Can you say that? Can you? And as for the anorexic ones that like to point this out, I've got curves. Curvature is a good and healthy thing to have. While I need to lose weight, you need to put some on. Also, my excess weight is well proportioned, I carry it well and still look good. SOME people manage to have all their excess weight on their stomach and almost look like their pregnant when veiwed from the side.

2. Yes I am pale. I love the sunshine, it's lovely. The sun though, doesn't like me. I burn in a matter of minutes. And when I burn, I burn badly (as in, I get blisters). Years of sun-damage of left me with shoulders covered in little freckles. That's not a good thing. They tend to lead up to skin cancer. I may use a bit of sunless tanner, otherwise my legs might blind you, but aside from that little boost, I don't worry about getting that golden tan. Being pale totally beats getting skin cancer. So if I choose to stay indoors on sunny days, bite your tongue before making a joke about me being pale. Otherwise, when you wind up with a sunburn, or worse, skin cancer, I'll be forced to point at you and laugh. I also need to point out that I've got nice and good skin, which is odd for people around my age. I do not break out, my skin isn't oily, and my pores are kind of smallish. If you have any of those problems, don't comment on my paleness, or I might point out how flawed your own skin is.

3. Yes, there is a bit of clutter in my living space. Not everything is in it's place at all times. My fish tank might even have a bit of algae in it. But I can find what I need, when I need it. There's a difference between regular organization, and obsessive organization. Don't make me get all Freudian on you!

4. *Sigh* Oh whatever will I do without a big strong man to take care of me? If you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic (go read my former posts). I'm a fairly independent person. To quote my beloved Foamy "I do not need the existence of another person to validate my own existence". And to quote the wonderful Melissa "We'd have more fun planning our kidnappings of various super hot men, than we ever would discussing our boyfriends". So basically, I'm capable of keeping my own life interesting and fun without the aid of a man. I've got a good and creative head on my shoulders, a decent job, great friends, a scholarly and philosophical nature, and a sense of self-worth to keep me busy and entertained. If I find a great guy who loves me for who I am, that would be great. If I don't, well, at this stage I really don't care. I've got enough other stuff to be focusing on.

5. I do indeed love my PC. Right now it's the only thing keeping me in touch with most of my friends. Otherwise I'd be spending an outrageous amount of money on gas and my cell phone bill. I can talk to Jennings, Melissa, Jessica, and others on IM, and email Julie and my parents. I also have other wonderful tools like on-line access to the library's database, and some of the forums I belong to. Of course, my little blog here is another reason i love my PC, along with things like MS Office. Basically, I'm on my computer a lot, because it is my lifeline. Thus, leave me and my lover alone. *lovingly strokes her monitor* Yes, I know that some people find it creepy, but when I'm at home, and the school work is gone, I'll get away from this thing more.

6. The muscle issue hasn't been brought up until recently, but some people seem to find women with muscle to be highly unattractive. I like to work hard, stocking the cooler at work is something I enjoy. That involves a lot of lifting of heavy things. Thus, I've built up muscle. I don't see how that's anything bad. Strength is a good thing. Once again, it shows that I am healthy. And on this note, it's also a testament to the fact that I visit the gym rather regularly. Therefore, those who call me lazy, can keep their mouths shut as well.

Anyhow, those that this was written for probably won't read this. But on the off chance that they do, please take notes, and remember this during future conversations. And on a closing note: I'll type as late as I want to, thank you very much!

Pro-Gunners: Pay Attention Please

I'm sure that by now, all of my potential readers have heard about the Virginia Tech Massacre. If not, where have you been? Turn on the TV or radio and you'll hear all about it. It was the deadliest mass shooting in our nation's history. The sad thing is, this is the fourth one to occur during this school year. There was one at a college in Canada, the Amish School House Shooting (that one hit close to home), and the other one (I forget the location). Those are just the ones that I've heard about. Most of these shooting, unless they happen on a very large scale (like this one), or are very unexpected and unusual (the Amish one), they get very little media attention (like the third one mentioned). Those are only a small fraction of shooting crimes that occur in this country. There is so much useless bloodshed. Most other industrialized nations have been using gun control for quite some time now. The result: a dramatic reduction in their amounts of shooting crimes (duh!). It thrills me to hear this being brought up in the news. Unfortunately, those comments are usually followed by stating the fact that those countries also have a rise in stabbings as a result. Honestly, it's a trade I'd be willing to make. Think about it, had that guy today gone into Virginia Tech with a knife, most likely less people would have died, and much less would have been injured. With a gun, you can stand at a distance, and then just point and pull the trigger. Just standing in the doorway that man was able to shoot an entire class. With a knife, you've got to get in close, and the victim at least has a chance to run, or fight the attacker off.

Another group that needs to be paying attention is the campus security at most colleges and universities. The regulations regarding who is permitted on campus, where they are allowed to go on campus, and what to do in an emergency like this are all quite lacking. Heck, Melissa stayed over the weekend once back in January, and I didn't even need to have her register anywhere, and I'm fairly certain that they never would have noticed her car.

So yeah, basically this whole incident has me rather fired up. It could have easily been avoided, had the proper people taken a good hard look at the past, and try to prevent it from repeating itself. Schools have been a target for this sort of thing since Columbine, which I believe happened while we were still in elementary school. Now, here at college, it's so reassuring to see that it had no effect, what-so-ever on school security.

On the Day of Love, I Shouldn't Feel so Much Hate

And yet I do. Why is it that I can't go through one day with out meeting someone I just want to hit? Every single day, someone is there, to remind me what jerks human beings can be. If something like this happens some place like at a mall, or a restaurant or something, I can usually shake it off. I just figure that it is just some poor soul who wasn't raised to have any manners. However, when this happens with students here on campus, it is a different story. The students here claim to be christian. They signed a document on their first day here, confessing their faith and all that good stuff. They go to chapel here, take communion, wear crucifixes, and talk about how AWESOME it is to serve their Lord God by trying to love one another as God loves us.

Liars. It is people like them who make me ashamed to call myself a Christian. I see them picking on a guy because he is a different ethnicity, laughing at a plain girl, because her clothes aren't "cool", or making snide comments about me and my sister because we have matching jackets. WTF! So they are the same, we bought them independently of each other, and they are quite cute. It's not our fault that we've both got good taste.

But it just bothers me to no end! Gosh, don't call yourself a Christian if you refuse to act like one. *sigh* I come closer and closer, everyday to refusing to call myself a Christian. The stigma that goes with it, is just something that I do not desire for myself. Call me a follower of Christ, or something like that, but those pseudo-Christians out there, have managed to crucify all respect I once had for my faith. Where is the love in this world? All I see, is hatred, and malice, and cruelty. It is a little girl who calls herself a christian who is causing my little sister so much torment in her life right now. My religion teaches love. God is love, the world was created with love, for love, love one another as you love yourself. WHERE IS THE FREAKING LOVE? Because I certainly do NOT see it here! The school and it's administration doesn't even show their students love. They do not look out for our best interests, all they try to do, is suck us dry of every cent we have. That's far from loving, that is called taking advantage of the poor. I see so little love in this world. It saddens me, and the hatred that runs rampant is slowly taking a hold of me too.

This is why I don't understand why my more religious relatives always make a fuss when I make good friends with non-christians. A non-christian can be a good person, just like a "Christian" can be a totally worthless individual. I like people with good natures, who are openminded, do not judge others, and aren't ignorant enough to think that they know everything and have all the answers in life. Unfortunately, very few people like that exist.

Invisible Children

I highly reccomend watching this documentary, it's called Invisible Children. It's about abducted child soldiers in northern Uganda.

It's definitely interesting. The thing is, I had no idea that this problem even existed. I had no idea, no idea at all. These children suffer such great torture and torment. They're taken from their homes, beaten, raped, forced to watch their friends get slaughtered, then given a gun and forced to kill others as their only means of survival, that is, if they survive their beatings, or aren't killed immediately. When they do escape, they have no homes to return to. At night they take shelter any place that seems like it might be safe. Even children that haven't been abducted who live out in the villages, hike several miles every night, to take shelter in the city, just in case their village is attacked that night. It's heart breaking. These children don't have access to food, water, clothing, they don't even have blankets. And this has been going on for 20 YEARS!!! Yet, many of us have never heard of this. If a terrorist attack happens in a major 1st world country, the whole globe knows about it. But something like this can happen in a 3rd world country, and it is virtually ignored. Watch the film, there's a little boy named Tony, and his brother. They were soldiers, there brother was killed in front of them, they are hunted because they left their army. They have nothing. It's heart breaking, it's haunting, and it's true.

Would You Like Some Cheese?

While I usually try to avoid using such strong language, I'm not afraid to say that I absolutely loathe the existence of useless, worthless, ethic-less, poor mannered, whiny, and complainy people, especially co-workers. I work with this one girl, who is so overly emotional, it's quite pathetic. I've seen her start crying at work several times now, which is just awkward because I'm not good with crying. And she whines and complains constantly! It's just on and on with the bawling and the complaining. Gah! It drives me nuts. I understand you're having a bad day and all, but PLEASE, check your baggage at the door, focus on your job, and don't feel the need to tell your every coworker, about how unbearable your life is. So anyway, today I didn't have the grandest of days (and yes I can complain about it here, because this is what this blog was made for). It was the first day of the spring semester, and I'm trying to figure out just what I was thinking when choosing my classes. On Mondays, I go from Psychological Science (okay-ish), to Spanish (Ick), to Statistics (gag!). After that I've got 5 hours at work, then a short break, followed by self-defense. The schedule just plain sucks. On top of that I've got a major migraine, and when I walked into work, Donna told me that she was going to put me on Pizzas (my favorite position), then changed her mind and put me on drinks and register (I don't know drinks, and I dispise register). So I'm working register, and half-way through my shift, the whiner comes in. I'm a great multi-tasker. I can easily be wrapping desserts, work register, and making a Latte, all at the same time. No sweat. So I take 1 step away from my register, to check on the Latte, turn around, and there the girl is, waiting on the next customer. And she keeps going too, totally ignoring me, until I cleared my throat a little. You see, it was marked down that I was the one on register, so if the money is off at night, I have to make up the difference. I DO NOT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE ON MY REGISTER! But then she left again, and things would have been fine, however, she did it 2 more times. Finally, the third time, I said "So, are you taking over here, or what? Cause I'll gladly work wraps if you don't want to." She whips around, very offended, and the tears come. "I was trying to help you, you know! A thank you would be nice." To which I replied "Yes, but unnecessary because I didn't need the help, a fact that was kinda obvious." So now I feel guilty because I upset that girl, but really, is there anything to feel guilty about? She was out of line, touching my register and invading my space and all. Yet I still feel guilt.

You see, that main issue, is the fact that I like to keep a good Christian work ethic. Since everyone I'm working with is a Christian as well, I like to think that they should also aspire to the same work ethic. It's fairly simple, I work as though God were right beside me watching my every move. My employer is paying me for my time. Therefore, I shouldn't be on my cell phone, or chatting it up with friends, or just zoning out. I should be keeping busy doing work. Also, I like to do everything with pride. If you're going to take the time to do something, do it right. Do it with pride! It was once said that "A tree pleases God, by doing it's job well. By being the best tree, it can be." We should all live by the philosophy. I can serve God by being the best student/cafe worker/daughter/friend/sister/many other things, I can be. I get so irritated when people just don't give a damn about their jobs. Why the hell are you even here then? Just go home, if you don't care!

What a Day!

I'm having issues falling to sleep, so i decided to update this. This has been one of those days, where you just have to wonder why you ever got out of bed. We were supposed to have class at my professor's house today, so I left a little early incase I got lost. I'm going down Rt. 15, when my oil light went off. This freaks me out a bit, because I had just checked, and filled my oil this weekend. So I get off and the next exit, and quickly pulled into the first gas station I came across. I checked my oil that there wasn't a single drop on my dipstick. So I run inside the gas station and bought a bottle of oil, and filled my car up. I waited a bit, got into my car, started it up, backed out of my space, and found that there was a hug puddle of oil under where my car had been. Uh-oh! I checked my oil again, and my dipstick was perfectly dry. So I went into the gas station... there was a garage attached, and got them to look at my car. Turns out that the seal at my front crank shaft is broken, causing the oil leak, and the oil leak has ruined my timing belt. They also didn't have time to fix it today, and hopefully I'll get it back tomorrow. So I called my sister, and she came to get me. Though she was very not pleased about it. Honestly! Did she think that I was pleased with the situation? The only slightly cool part about it was that the guy working in the gas station was kind of cute, and really sweet. So anyway, I obviously missed my class. I came back to my room and later went a worked out for a while. I had a lot of pent up frustration to release.

One Week Left

*sigh* Only one week left of Christmas break. This makes me both sad, and happy at the same time. I will be happy to get out of this house, for one thing. Though, it's gotten better as the time has gone on. Let's see... I left school on the 14th, and made the mistake of taking the non-turnpike route home. It took me an hour to get through the city alone. So that had me a little annoyed to start off with then, my older sister starts up with her "I'm better than you are" attitude, the moment I walked in the door. I had called my mother, and told her I'd be late, but they held off on supper until I got home anyway. She threw a fit, because I made them wait and extra 2 inutes while I ran up to my room dropped my bags, and dumped Iago into his bowl. She kept it up, until a friend of mine rescued me, and took me shopping with her. Needless to say, things just haven't been good between me and her. I try, I really do, but I'm just so sick of her sttitude. I seriously do not understand why she seems to think that I'm a second class citizen. Everyone says I'm brighter than she is, and am more laid back and compassionate. So she got the looks... I got the brains and the personality. Anyhow, I'm not dealing with it anymore. If she bitches at me, I bitch right back.

My dad was on my case at the begining of break too, about the job situation. That has been taken care of though, I got a new job, which i believe will work out much better than Redner's did. All my co-workers seem really nice too.

As for my social life, it's been rather non-existant. Melissa calls often, but didn't come home for break, she decided that working would be more fun. My other friends have been kept quite busy over break, so we haven't hung out much. Some of them could stand to learn how to return a phone call though. Forgive me, I'm in a bad mood tonight, and will probably delete this as soon as I perk up a bit.

Babies and Casual Sex

I found the following on a friend's blog:

Oh, I also had an eye-opening experience which just makes me feel worse and worse for the kiddies of today. I saw a girl, she couldn't have been older than 14 or 15 with a BABY...ahhhhh. Her and her friend walked by with the baby in a stroller and I was like "ew" at first but didn't think much of it. Then a few minutes later a whole bunch of KIDS (and I mean KID kids...like some of the boys looked REALLY young...probably a little brother of some of the others?) But anyway, the point is, these kids had this baby and the mom left the kid with her "friends" who I later found out didn't even know her and had just met the girl. The poor kid, who was really cute (!), was crying the whole time and they're like bouncing the baby up and down saying "Don't cry, baby!". I was like WTF, didn't they name the kid? Did they pick it out of the dumpster behind Sears or something?? "Pre-teens" (since I'm still a teenager technically) are so fucking ignorant and immature, I cannot believe 1) this girl has a baby at all and 2) that her parents would let her TAKE IT TO THE MALL with a bunch of 12-year olds watching it while she was off doing whatever and calling it "baby". And as a fantastic finale, the baby was wearing a PINK dress and a PINK bow/headband thing in her head and as the new friends of the mom were leaving and handing "baby" back to her, they said their goodbyes and as they walked farther away the one turns and yells "WAIT, what's HIS name again???" and then once they know the name they all yell goodbye to the child literally called "it". I don't know, but this bothered me so much. I feel bad for the baby AND the mother. I mean, the poor kid will be raised at the Berkshire mall with a bunch of "punk rock" kids who only hang there now because of the newly installed Hot Topic. And the mother will have to have the burden of a child while she's trying to enjoy her childhood, which I guess is her fault. The whole picture just looked wrong and out of place. If I had a teen daughter who got pregnant and decided to have a baby, I wouldn't drop her off (since none of these kids could drive yet) at the mall to hang out with her friends. And what do the parents of the other kids think? Like "Bye mom, I'm going to the mall to hang out with so-and-so and her baby...can you pick me up at 9:30??" Some of the boys were even trying to SIT in the stroller while the baby wasn't in it and laughing hysterically when it rolled out from under their immature asses. These kids should not be raising a child. DONE...but I could go on FOREV

This really bothers me, but it's something that seems to be becoming more and more common, at least in my area. As I recall, during the time of my high school graduation, I was hearing stories about a middle schooler who was pregnant. That's just nuts. Of course, I think this can all be chalked up to out society's relaxed standards regarding casual sex. Honestly, we have absolutely no standards anymore. During eighth grade there was a big stir because during our Field trip, two of the students got it into their head to have sex on the charter bus! They weren't dating or anything, they were just bored and needed something to do. Yes they got into trouble because it wasn't school appropriate, but I don't recall ever hearing anyone say that what was going on was definitely wrong. I realized last year, when the students in my psych class discussed their sex lives, as was quite common there, how often most people do have sex just for the sake of having sex. Call me prudish, but I seriously believe that sex is something that should be reserved until you're at least in a committed relationship. I'm not even trying to tell people to wait until marriage, but at least wait until you've got a good relationship going. This brings to mind a conversation I was having with a guy a while ago, I didn't really know him, but we had talked a few times and were getting to know each other. He was talking about how he's new to Lancaster and was trying to make some new friends, and I told him that I'm always happy to make new friends, and he laughed at me. Then he informed me that after the few conversations we have had, that I'd never quite become what he considers a "friend". To him a friendship between a guy and a girl involves a little more give and take than he's sure I'd be willing to give. Basically, if I wasn't willing to have sex with him, I'd never make a good friend. Major case of culture shock there. Makes me happy that I have a little more self-respect and self-confidence than most girls, giving me the power to tell him where to go. At this point I'd like to thank my parents for raising me right in that respect.

This whole thing brings to mind a little "PSA Comic" done by Jhonen Vasquez in his JTHM comics. It was done by "the council of people who are sick of seeing more people" and I love it. I want to find a bumper sticker somewhere that says that.

Little Girls and Power Tools

My best friends from high school, Melissa, is at home this weekend. Unfortunately, due to finals being next week, I really can't go home for the weekend. I just know that I'd never get any studying done. But I did make a little time this afternoon to meet up with her at the mall and do some Christmas shopping. It was fun, I got the perfect gift for my little sister, meaning, that aside from Lea, and my dog, I'm finished! Also, at the mall, thetheme for the Santa picture place was "Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer". I saw the adorable abominable snowman, and took a picture with my phone. Yes I know, I'm still like a little kiddie in that respect. It was nice though. It was also nice being around someone who I've known as long as her, who actually understands the way my head works, and gets my sense of humor.

We wound up at Toys'r'us to find something for her 5 year old nephew. She got him two little plastic tool sets, that are being marketed by the Home Depot. These play tools are freaking awesome, especially the nail gun. Melissa and I were having a blast playing with them. There were at least 15 different sets you could get, from the basic tool box with starter tools, to more advanced things like cirrcular saws, drills, and vice grips. That's when I noticed it: the boxes these tool kits came in had several pictures on them of kids having fun, playing with the tools; however, not one of those pictures on any of the boxes showed a little girl, it was all boys.

I would have loved playing with those toys when I was a little girl. I loved that sort of stuff. I had a toy truck too. My favorite toys were Legos. In fact, as a little person I really loved going to the shop with my dad and helping him service his truck. That love died as I got older, but as a little one, I adored it. I remember how my dad used to have me pick all the stones out of the tread of his tires, just to get me out of his hair for a little. I wish Iwould have kept going over to help him as I got older, I'd know a lot more about mechanical work and all.

I'd even be so bold as to say that it's the little girls that people should be buying toy tool sets for. This is a skill we ought to teach these girls. Tools aren't just for men. Women can have mechanical/carpentry skills too. A lot of girls these day have taken woodshop classes (and have done well), know how to change a tire, know how to change their own oil (I even know a few guys who can't do that!), and understand the basics of physics and how a car runs. Unfortunately we send them these sublinial messages that these are the boys domain and a girl has no business touching a hammer or looking under the hood of a car. It's as bad as when my computer applications teach in middle school told me that I was a not normal girl because my favorite subject in school was science. What the heck was that supposed to mean? Am I abnormal because I enjoy biology? Sheesh... you hear so much about how the feminists are going too far, and that women are already equal, but really, we aren't. Our sex has come so far, but we still have a long way to go before we are truely equal.

If I ever have a daughter, she's getting a tool set, as soon as I think she's capable of understanding how to use them. She's also learning to service her own car when she get's one.

All together though, it's been a very very good day for me.

People

I get beyond the point of being annoyed when the following happens:
I run into someone form high school, that would have been considered a good friend of mine back then, and who I haven't really spent any time with since high school. She will without a doubt say the following: "Jen! OMG, I haven't talked to you in like, FOREVER! We so need to hang out sometime and catch up!" She will be all smiles and pretend to be happy to see me. Then i go to the work of trying to figure out when would be a good time to hang out. Then either she never gets back to me, or she says that it sounds good, but does not show up. It drives me nuts. Yet, being the girl who never learns and insists on assuming the best of everyone, a few months later, I'll run into this girl again and we will go through this whole process once more.

This actually happened a few weeks ago. I saw this girl we chatted a while, and later she emailed me saying we need to hang out. I emailed her back telling her when my Thanksgiving break is, and that since I'm not working at the sub shop anymore, I'll be free for almost the whole time. She still hasn't replied. I mean honestly, if you don't want to hang out, stop pretending that you do.

People Suck!

My cousin's four month old baby started having seizures a few weeks ago. It started out as a little twitch in her leg, which then progressed to full blown seizures. They went to the pediatrician and the baby had a seizure there. The pediatrician called a neurologist in. The neurologist didn't feel like coming in, and told my cousin to take the baby home and video tape the baby having one of this seizures and come back to see him in the morning.

How incredibly irresponsible was that?

So they took her to the ER instead. She got admitted into the hospital for a little while, and they put her on anti-seizure medication, and she was sent home. She is still having seizures though, and they've tripled her medication. Her meds now cost $2,000 a month. So yeah. This depresses me to a certain extent. So sad.

termination

I have officially been terminated.
Oh come on now, like you're shocked. =P
It doesn't matter that I'm one of the best employees that that damned sub shop has had in quite sometime, or that I managed to last more than 2 months there without quitting.
It doesn't matter that I'm trained, and good at working, every single position.
It certainly doesn't matter that I'm the only one who was willing to train all the newbies that have come in since January, or that I've actually trained them well.
And of course, it doesn't matter that my schedule has been beyond the point of being flexible, to suit that damned establishment. Honestly, I gave up a day at the beach, a wedding, and a few classes.
Doesn't matter at all... I have an issue with the fact that customers are getting food poisoning, therefore I must be fired.
Of course they gave me this story about how I've been terminated because company policy is that if you don't work at least 8 hours a week there, you are finished. I've only been working the occasional weekend since AUGUST! So yeah, I can read between the lines, especially since my boss went to the added effort of explaining quite firmly to me that LG's boss DID NOT get food poisoning there. Considering the fact that he didn't eat anything else all day I find it hard to believe that he would have gotten it elsewhere. Then she tried to tell me that it must not have been food poisoning. umm... no that was definitely food poisoning.

Anyway... yeah that was my day...
Cognition test that was nearly impossible at 8am, followed by the news that I've been fired.

However, I'm refusing to let this get me down too badly. I've deciding to consider this a little nudge from God in a different direction. The other job opportunities mentioned in my previous post: working with the youth at my church, and babysitting my little sister's friends over the summer, are definitely a little more in tune with my own personal gifts and talents in life. I really do have a way with little people. I felt called to these jobs before, and of course, that call is a little stronger now. If I'm really desperate for cash over the summer, I can always return to working at the Korner a few nights a week. So really, this whole being "terminated" thing, could turn out to be a positive thing. It's time for me to leave that place, and try something new, spread my wings a little bit.

I'm happy and angry at the same time, which can be quite a funny feeling. Though I'm used to feeling funny feelings lately. Mostly due to the fact, that I'm becoming increasingly aware that I've got no idea what I want to do in my life, when most of those around me already know, and have everything planned out.

In the words of Jhonen Vasquez:
"There's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling preceeds some plan on your part to do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their "discontent" like a favorite shirt. I can't say I'm very pleased with where my life is just now... but I can't help but look forward to where it's going."

I've been wearing my "discontent" shirt for a few months now. Annoyed with my job, my boss, my co-workers, as well as a few other things in my life. It's time to take it off, incinerate it, and move on already. Getting "terminated" seems like a good place to start. Start off by getting a good job at home that I enjoy, and feel like I'm actually doing something with. Hopefully as I correct that little issue, the other stuff will start to fall into place too.

more workplace drama

Well, I finally got a hold of one of my coworkers from the sub shop to find out exactly what happened that people are getting food poisoning there. Something was obviously quite wrong, and I'm still trying to figure out how this didn't become a big issue, and no complaints were even filed. Seriously, why was that place allowed to continue serving people, if it was making those people sick?

Anyway... according to this guy, he was putting away some of our deliveries last week, and discovered that our manager (and here I've been cursing out our newbie) has not been rotating the stock back in the cooler. New shipments would come in, and she'd just thrown them on to the shelf, without pulling the older stuff front to be used first. So the deli meat in the back just got older and older. When this guy found it, the meat was marked as being good until December 2005. That's almost a year ago. Unfortunately, by the time he found this, some of it had already been sliced and used in a few sandwiches, including one that was eaten by LG's boss, resulting in food poisoning. Of course, since no one that's gotten sick has called and filed a real complaint about this, no real action will be taken. The old stuff was thrown out, but the manager is not in any sort of trouble. After all, it's not like selling people horribly old deli meat and making them drastically ill is anything to be concerned about! (If you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic). Something like that could actually kill a person.

The whole situation really ticks me off. I've been debating about a job I was offered a few weeks ago. My pastor wants me to help run the youth program at my church, and promised that my current income would remain the same. The position doesn't fully seem practical. It would involve going home every other weekend, if not every single weekend. That's a lot of gas getting used up there. Not to mention the tolls on the turnpike. It would be a total of $5 every trip. That starts to add up after a few weeks. However, this incident is making me look a little more favorably on that idea. I don't want to be associated with a place that doesn't care about it's costumers, and where the service could damn well kill you. Besides, I'd have more fun working with the little people, and I've already got all sorts of ideas for lessons to do with them, field trips to go on, fun nights we could have, ect. Besides... I've got a new prospect for summertime employment as well, baby-sitting two little girls while their parents are at work, it would be full time, and the mother of these kids said she'd also pay me around the same amount as the sub shop did. So over the school year I'd be working with the youth at my church and working here on campus, and over the summer I'd be working with the youth and babysitting.

Now I just need to decide when I'm handing in my two-weeks notice.