Under attack...

I'm being taken
About to crack, defenses breakin'
Won't Somebody please have a heart,
Come and rescue me now, 'cause I'm falling apart.

Yup, that's about how I feel at the moment, mostly due to that horrible spanish class I'm required to take. I just don't want to be there, I've got no passion for the material (unlike my four other classes), and I'm not doing that grand in it. All in all, I've got absolutely no drive to study for it, which is what I should be doing right now, but I can't work up the energy for it. I just can't. My drive in that class has been slowly declining for a few weeks now, but it has just hit rock bottom. Take monday for example. I make up, get ready for class, and left two hours early to go to the computer lab and work on my lab manual and composition. Guess what, not only did I wind up working on my Adlerian Birth Order essay for my personality class instead, but I became so immersed in it, that I didn't look at the clock until 12:25, meaning that I had already missed half of my class. So I came back to my room, sat down at my desk, opened my spanish book, then quickly shut it again. Then I grabed my keys and went shopping at Michaels. Got the latest issue of Beadstyle Magazine, and decided that I must make the wirework necklace displayed in it. Then I came back to my room and stared at my homework the rest of the evening. Today has basically been the same story. Work on another assignment for a little, then I stare at my spanish work for a little.

Anyhow, just incase you were wondering, after my last post, the rest of my break continued to go pretty well. I spent at lot of time with Julie, and with my grandmother at the nursing home. I also got all the interveiws in that I needed to for now. One of those interveiws led to me attending Ephrata Mennonite Church on Sunday. It wasn't bad at all. Perhaps I'll be visting there again someday soon.

Anyhow, to sum this whole post up, right now I'd give an awful lot to be back at home instead of being here. It's odd, when I left for home, I wanted to stay here. Now, one week later, I'd kill to leave.

Almost Done, Thank the Lord!

I just finished my Created and Called final. I also had my Psychological Science and Technology final today too. So, out of my five classes, I'm now finished with three of my finals, having taken my Self Defense final on Monday. I know I passed the Self Defence final, and I know I got an A on my Psych final as well. I'm not so sure about my Created and Called final though. I even sold half of my books back this morning getting enough cash from them to fill up my gas tank for the return home. Tomorrow I've got my Statistics final, which is not only multiple choice, but it's also open book. Thus, I'm not at all worried about it. Also, I get paid tomorrow, making it an excellent day for me. I'll finally be able to get that shirt I want. Actually I think I might get some new work out clothes instead, I need to look cute when I go to the rec to work out. This weekend I need to finish up my packing, and by bedtime on Sunday I hope to have my little Jetta completely packed except for my bedding, a change of clothes, and my computer. As soon as my Spanish final is over, I'm throwing the rest of the stuff in my car, returning my room key, and heading home. Yay! I think I'll even make my first trip to the rec Monday night already. Tuesday I've got off, and I might even go buy my paint for my bedroom a while, and then on Wednesday, I'm back at Weavers working 7-3:30 on a daily basis. Saturday, I need to come back to this lovely school for my sister's graduation, which is something I'm really not looking forward to. Then that night, after returning home, I'm off to finally see Hot Fuzz with Jennings. *sigh* This week can't go by fast enough!

On a sad note, tonight is the last Power House I'm attending this year. I do really enjoy those. It's one of the few things about this school that I'm looking forward to returning to. I haven't gone too many times, but the few times that I have gone with Theresa and Carla were very enjoyable and uplifting. As for certain issues, that you all are aware of by now, things have gotten better. There's actual verbal communication going on, which shocks me quite a bit. Either way, I'm down to four days. I am strong, and I can put up with anything for that short period of time. Though the midnight scream might get the best of me. There's nothing worse than being in bed and sleeping soundly only to be woken up by a chorus of screams that lasts for like, 15 minutes. It's kind of nuts. Also, the girl next door to me and Tiff needs to learn what "quiet hours" means. When quiet hours begin at eight, it means that talking/laughing/and playing music REALLY loud at 11pm is really not cool. Either way though, knowing how the next week and a half look for me, I can't stop smiling.

The Tide is Turning

First, here's a little public service announcement that will be appearing on all my posts from now, until I've gotten somebody to join:

Join LOST! And help me survive until round 2!
Do it! Do it now!

Ok, now on with the post:
Lately, my luck has been a bit on the blah side. Not much has been going on in my life. Everything is kind of stagnant. Spring brought me a little hope, due to the promise that school would be over soon. But the next three weeks still promise to be very long. I cannot wait to begin school next year with a fresh slate. But back to everything in my life being stagnant. My love life continues to be as dull as wheat bran, scholastically I'm really not growing at all, not learning a thing in my classes, and of course, my job still sucks and doesn't offer me a challenge at all. However, after a few calls from my mother, and a few from dear Lea, it looks as though the tide might be turning. This summer looks as though it could become more exciting then I've given it credit for in previous entries, next school year is bound to rock, and life once I'm out of this school could be great indeed. I just need to make it through the next three weeks. Then it's back to my own bed, Sparky, my loving baby sis, a few REAL friends, a job I actually enjoy, and more (not going into specifics). Let's bring on the finals, I want out of here!

Goals

A few things I definitely want to have completed by next semester:

1. Drop another dress size. Well, we all know that this is something I've been working on for a while. At the rate I've been going lately, I might be able to drop 2 dress sizes by then.

2. Get back into jewelry making, and to be more creative with it. I have a few particular projects in mind, but lately I've found that I've only been duplicating things, or re-doing projects I've done before. I need to start designing again.

3. Complete a scrapbook. And by this I mean one for myself. My mom and I plan to make one for Julie, but I need to make one for myself as well. I have all the ideas sketched out, and the stuff I need for them put together, I just need to take the time to glue it and finalize it.

4. Paint my bedroom. I've only needed to do this for 2 year now... lol. At least I know how I want to decorate and all now. I even have to color picked out. I want to have this done before June even.

5. Write my book. I've started it. I just need to finish it. Starting things is never an issue for me. Completing them is another story. But so far it's been going well, so hopefully, it'll be at least halfway before September.

6. Read more- I've been slacking. Some books I need to read or in some cases re-read: Sophie's World, Dr. Sax, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and the Neil Geiman book Melissa liked so much.

7. Learn to be more assertive, and quit letting people walk all over me. An issues I've really been struggling with lately. I'm too nice for my own good, and never quite stick up for myself. This, combined with an overly empathetic nature has been resulting in quite a bit of misery for me. I collect other people's problems like a magnet, then I have to carry around that weight, along with my own issues. I don't want that particular bit to change about me. However, I let them push me around then. The relationship become me giving them all the support they need, and then them taking advantage of me because at the moment I'm still feeling so much pity for them. Regular readers, do not fret, I'm not referring to you there.

8. Get involved in more community service projects. I used to do a lot, now I do very little. I miss that warm fuzzy feeling it gives me. I think I've got a regular project lined up for me at home, working with the youth at my church. Next year, I'm debating between working at the Paxton House, with adults who need help of any sort, or prison ministry at a juvenile detention center.

9. Take time out to enjoy God's creation more. I just need to get out more. I love nature. I hope to go on many walks this summer with Julie, Sparky, and/or Jessica Jennings! Also, I'm not going to let shopping dominate my trip to the beach this summer.

10. Learn to be more thankful for what God has given me. I am usually a very positive person. I tend to see the bright side of things. Lately, I've been seeing the glass as half empty though. God has blessed me in many ways, and I do need to learn to be more thankful for it.

The Simple Things

It is the simple pleasures in life that make it worth living. Sunday, I had a nice long conversation with my cousin, Lea, on the phone. We were discussing our futures, and what we want most out of life. It's obvious that we've managed to grow up a bit, compared to how we used to talk at our old sleep overs. For once, the first thing mentioned was not "I want a good looking husband with a good job." Shockingly, that was the last thing brought up. We agreed on pretty much everything. At the moment we both want decent paying jobs in fields that we love. I would be a school psychologist, and she would be working in a nice nursing home. We both want to move closer to the shore, but we no longer feel that we have to live right on the beach in a huge home with a lot of land. Instead we just want a little condo, one like the one we stayed at this summer would be ideal: 3 bedrooms, a living room/dinning room, kitchen, and a bathroom. That's it, that's all we need, the nifty loft thing that place had was cool, but not a necessity. The best thing about a condo like that, is that there would be no yard work, but you'd still have a pool. That's what would suck about the huge house with a ton of land: a lot of yard work, and a hell of a lot of cleaning. We wouldn't actually want to be on the coast anymore. That would make the cost of living there sky rocket. We'd just want to be a decent drive away. We're thinking 45 minutes away from it maximum, that's how long we have to drive to get to the mall or a decent movie theater now. We even joked about moving into the perfect little condo together, then getting a nice tank of salt water fish and a cat or two. Who knows? Maybe someday we will actually do that, after we've both got enough money set aside to risk leaving home. This led to us joking about becoming old cat ladies, since neither of us have even come close to finding a guy who would be a good match for us yet.

We came to some interesting conclusions about guys though. First of all, neither of us dream of having the super hot hunk anymore. We wouldn't feel fully comfortable with a total hottie anymore, especially with how introverted, and not entirely social we are. He'd be bound to cheat on us, if he were capable of it. Second, we don't care much about the pay check anymore. We want him to work and make money, but we a re two independent women. We'd want to be able to support ourselves. Finally, I shocked myself by realizing that as many times as I've said, "I'll never marry a guy like dad who's away half the time", that's actually the type of guy who'd be ideal for both of us. We're nice, friendly girls, and we aren't totally anti-social. However, we both like our space, and like to be alone at times. We need men who would actually leave once in a while: a truck driver, pilot, member of the armed forces, business man, etc. Basically the perfect guy went from the rich, well built, pampering, dream boat, to being a nice, humorous, attractive (as in, he takes care of himself and dresses decently), trusting, and able to trust guy who leaves the house for a few nights every now and then. A nice, sweet, caring nerd would be perfect for me.

It's kind of sad that we went from wanting everything, to wanting very little actually. I went from wanting to be a rich psychiatrist, with a huge house on the beach, a pool, a great car, and a hunk of a husband, to wanting to be a decently paid school psychologist, with a nice cozy little condo, a nice Jetta, and a sweet nerd of a husband (if I get married at all). But that's how life goes, you live, you learn, and your goals and dreams hopefully change. If I still wanted the same things now as a sophomore in college, as I did when I was a sophomore in high school, I'd be a bit concerned about myself.

I'm looking forward to my cute little condo though, it's not that far out of reach. 2 more years of undergrad work, 1 year of grad work, maybe a year long internship, and I'm there. That's only 4 more years. And we all know how quickly 4 years can pass by.

*Sigh*

That horrid family essay I had to write got handed in yesterday. Thank God, I don't have to think about that thing anymore. I've got my final in that class today, and then I'm headed home until Sunday evening. I miss my bed, so I can't wait to get back to it. My roommate will be back, and I've kind of enjoyed having this room to myself this month. However, hopefully her being back means that I'll get out of this room more. I got my car back yesterday, with all the leaking seals now fixed, and a new timing belt too. It cost me $375. I won't complain though, I'm still very thankful that over Christmas break my dad decided to put some extra money aside in my account in case of a car emergency. That really saved my neck here. Unfortunately the really nice, sweet, and kinda cute guy was not working when I went. Oh well. I'm hoping to be home by 6pm, and I plan on spending the night in, watching a movie with Julie. Later, my older sister's boyfriend is coming over. I took a personality evaluation for him a little while ago, and hopefully, he'll go over the results with me. Appearently I scored as being abnormal in some areas. Honestly, that does not shock me.

Ugh!

*sigh* I was so anxious to get back to school, and I'm totally eating my words right now.
Kaelee left this morning, meaning that I am very sad and depressed. She's been an excellant friend, and life here, just isn't going to be the same without her.

*Sigh of Releif*

It is done.

I just finished my final paper for my Bible class. Now all I have left, is to do my Social Research presentation on my experiment project (which is in about 1.5 hours), and then present what I came up with for my Bible paper (in 4.5 hours). I'm hoping to definitely be on the road before 4, and be at my home sweet home by 5.

I'm a little disappointed with myself in regards to my semester grades. I did decently by any one's standard (except perhaps my moms?). However, I know i could have done better. I think I'm looking at 2 "A"s and 3 "B"s. The one A is in my Human Biology class, which was a given as I've learned all this stuff many times before by now. The final in that class was shockingly easy too, the cumulative review part especially. The other A is in my social research class, which, that class was definitely easier than I feared it would be. While I didn't work as hard in that class as I probably could have, I do feel that I deserve that A. My Cognition class was just the opposite. I worked hard, studied often, yet I'm still getting a B-. It was a horribly tough course though, and since I know a girl in that class, who took it for a second time, studied to a ridiculous extent, and still got a C-, I'm not complaining. I'm also still pleased with the B I think I'm getting in my Bible class, it was tough material, and the tests and homework questions were remarkably tricky. As it is only a Gen Ed requirement, I'm not beating myself up over it. However, with a little more study time and effort, I'm sure I would have managed an A. As for my Global Christianity course, I'll be getting a B. The material wasn't that hard, and had I cared about it a bit more, an A would have definitely been mine. However, the class annoyed me in it's fakeness, and was a perfect example of all that I consider wrong with Christianity today. I'm very happy to be finished with it, though knowing my luck, that created and called class I have to take, will be like a continuation of it.

Next semester, and especially during J-Term, I do plan on doing much better. I'm taking a Human Development and Family Science course in January that I think I should have no problems getting an A in. I'm studying at least 1-2 hours every night, and Acing it. During the spring I have a course called Psychology, Science, and Technology. It sounds like it should be a basic Gen Ed course, and shouldn't be too terribly hard. However, I'm afraid that it will be one of those annoying classes, that I can manage to get into, and will therefore not work my hardest. So I'm being realistic and planning on getting a B there, but I'm thinking that I should be able to manage an A. The other psych course I'm taking in the spring is Statistical Methods in Psychology. We all know that I've got issues with math, but having taken intro the Stats, I'm thinking I'll pull off an A. As for Gen Eds, I'm taking Spanish, Self Defense, and Created and Called. Spanish should be a definite A for me, seeing how I took several years of it in high school and even middle school. So I've got no worries there. Also, self defense is not a graded class, it is strictly pass/fail. So I think I'll be passing. As for Created and Called, I think it's realistic for me to be hoping for a B there.

Despite whether I'm being realistic or not, I'm going to be working my tailbone off, and trying to get a 4.0. I'm making myself schedules, and sticking to them. I can do it, and I will do it. I just need to avoid getting caught in the trap of just not caring about certain subjects that seem to not be at all relevant to what I'm studying.

Anyhow, it's 9 now, so only 8 more hours until hopefully, I am at home.
I'm going shopping with an old buddy of mine too tonight, if things work out. Yay!
And if that doesn't happen, I'm spending the evening curled up on the sofa watching a movie with the little sis. Yay again!

Little Girls and Power Tools

My best friends from high school, Melissa, is at home this weekend. Unfortunately, due to finals being next week, I really can't go home for the weekend. I just know that I'd never get any studying done. But I did make a little time this afternoon to meet up with her at the mall and do some Christmas shopping. It was fun, I got the perfect gift for my little sister, meaning, that aside from Lea, and my dog, I'm finished! Also, at the mall, thetheme for the Santa picture place was "Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer". I saw the adorable abominable snowman, and took a picture with my phone. Yes I know, I'm still like a little kiddie in that respect. It was nice though. It was also nice being around someone who I've known as long as her, who actually understands the way my head works, and gets my sense of humor.

We wound up at Toys'r'us to find something for her 5 year old nephew. She got him two little plastic tool sets, that are being marketed by the Home Depot. These play tools are freaking awesome, especially the nail gun. Melissa and I were having a blast playing with them. There were at least 15 different sets you could get, from the basic tool box with starter tools, to more advanced things like cirrcular saws, drills, and vice grips. That's when I noticed it: the boxes these tool kits came in had several pictures on them of kids having fun, playing with the tools; however, not one of those pictures on any of the boxes showed a little girl, it was all boys.

I would have loved playing with those toys when I was a little girl. I loved that sort of stuff. I had a toy truck too. My favorite toys were Legos. In fact, as a little person I really loved going to the shop with my dad and helping him service his truck. That love died as I got older, but as a little one, I adored it. I remember how my dad used to have me pick all the stones out of the tread of his tires, just to get me out of his hair for a little. I wish Iwould have kept going over to help him as I got older, I'd know a lot more about mechanical work and all.

I'd even be so bold as to say that it's the little girls that people should be buying toy tool sets for. This is a skill we ought to teach these girls. Tools aren't just for men. Women can have mechanical/carpentry skills too. A lot of girls these day have taken woodshop classes (and have done well), know how to change a tire, know how to change their own oil (I even know a few guys who can't do that!), and understand the basics of physics and how a car runs. Unfortunately we send them these sublinial messages that these are the boys domain and a girl has no business touching a hammer or looking under the hood of a car. It's as bad as when my computer applications teach in middle school told me that I was a not normal girl because my favorite subject in school was science. What the heck was that supposed to mean? Am I abnormal because I enjoy biology? Sheesh... you hear so much about how the feminists are going too far, and that women are already equal, but really, we aren't. Our sex has come so far, but we still have a long way to go before we are truely equal.

If I ever have a daughter, she's getting a tool set, as soon as I think she's capable of understanding how to use them. She's also learning to service her own car when she get's one.

All together though, it's been a very very good day for me.

Shopping =)

So I went shopping today at the Tanger Outlets. My roommate and I drove out there for the morning, did some shopping, then went to Friendly's for lunch. After that, since I was so close to home, I went to Redner's to pick up my final paycheck there. After that, I figured I was so close to my house, that I should go the rest of the way, see my puppy, and get a hug from my little sister. Of course then I didn't want to leave. I went over to my little sister before leaving and got my hug and said goodbye, and she gave me a funny look and said "Well where are you going?" so I replied "back to school sweetie." and she got the most disappointed look on her face and just said "oh." Trust me, had my roommate not been with me, I probably wouldn't have come back tonight. I think I would have spent the rest of the weekend there. *Sigh* Is it Thanksgiving yet? Aside from the minor homesickness though, life is good. I'm going to see the movie on campus tonight with my older sister, her boyfriend, her former roommate, and her former roommate's family. I'm looking forward to it greatly.

It's not so bad, really, it's not!

So, I've met a few people here who seem to be under the impression that Lancaster county has to be the worst place in the world to grow up.

Seriously people, it's not that bad. Let's look at some of the "horrors" of country life:
1. Fresh air!
2. You can sunbathe in the back yard, without having to worry that the pervy next door neighbor is watching, because none of your neighbors live close enough.
3. Beautiful surroundings. Especially in October... God I love this month.
4. You gain an appreciation for nature and wildlife. Who doesn't love looking out the back door and seeing a group of deer hanging out in your back yard?
5. The rednecks can in fact be quite annoying. They do; however, offer some good entertainment.
6. The strange cult referred to as the Anabaptists, is actually a very beautiful and peaceful religion. More people should aspire to be like them.
7. Better education caused by smaller classes. I seriously don't know how some of these city people in my classes ever even graduated from high school.
8. Learning the value of hard work. I've noticed that us country hicks have better work ethics. Maybe because our parents actually gave us chores to do every day.
9. We aren't afraid to get down and dirty. A girl doing yard work? I love it. I do not cringe at the thought of getting dirt under my finger nails.

Basically I've gained a lot more appreciation for the area I've come from. I haven't given it quite enough credit.